Will and the T.M.F.
by Cherden, Ardweden, and Dannysmartful

Note:  This is a work of fiction.  All of the characters and events 
portrayed in this story are fictitious, and any resemblance to real 
people or incidents is purely coincidental, with the exception of a 
few.  PLEASE DON'T SUE US!!!  We're broke as it is.  By the way, you 
are being watched.  If you go to the police, our Secret Society will 
erase you.  Just kidding.  Remember this is a comedy.  Laugh already!  
Geez, some people.  Okay, let's go on with our story.

	In a world where dragons, magic peaches, and talking ants are 
common is a place completely unknown to us.  But they exist just as we 
do to them.

Chapter 1 or In the Beginning...

	Bulvaira is a country which lies in the center of Ineckey (the 
world's name).  The world was at peace for thousands of years until one 
dark, rainy day a teacher of English magic named Jane Andersun gave her 
class a very hard assignment.  The assignment was to write in Cleo, a 
foreign language, an expository thesis statement in iambic pentameter.  
It was due in five minutes; the class scribbled as fast as they could 
on their slate plates.  Suddenly, a boy wrote down a word that meant 
nothing and sounded it out loud.  Then Miss Jane Andersun, in a puff of 
smoke, turned into ashes.  Everybody ran out into the street screaming 
bloody murder, when the boy realized, With this word I can turn people 
I don't like into ashes.
	Then he thought, Then how come the other kids didn't turn into 
ashes?
	He started experimenting.  He would say the word to other people 
and to large crowds and those people would turn into ashes when he 
realized, Only those who hear the word turn into ashes, but the kids in 
school were concentrating on the assignment, so they didn't hear it.  
That's why they didn't turn into ashes.
	He decided to test his theory.  He walked down the street, saying 
the Word to everyone he met.  Every time, they'd turn into ashes.  
Then, he started to say it backwards. When he did, they'd turn into 
eggplants; the average size was six inches long.  Nobody else knew what 
the word was, because when they heard it they wouldn't live to tell 
about it.  And that's how chaos started in Bulvaria, all from a 
deranged student.
	From the boy came the divisions of land.  Villages around 
Bulvaria were cut off from each other by forest.  Some of it was 
conquered by evil sorcerers and kings of Darkness, but most remained 
free of their reign, so Weather Fairies could run amuck and cause havoc 
with their pillow fights.

Chapter 2 or Planting Veggies

	In the southwest corner of Bulvaria was a place called the Yellow 
Leaf Forest.  A young boy named William and his mother lived in a small 
hut on the outskirts of the forest.  It was at this time when the 
deranged English student was taking over Bulvaria by turning people 
into ashes and eggplants.
	William was very interested in the attack and capture of 
Bulvaria, and he read books on magic so he could one day reclaim it.  
He also wanted to be very rich.  He wanted the reward for saving 
Bulvaria so he and his mother could live comfortably because they were 
very poor.
	One day, William was walking to Mile Point, a two mile long road 
leading to the edge of the City and a bridge that led to Scorria.  He 
walked to the City and went into the library.  There, he found a book 
on the T.M.F. (The Magic Few).  He checked out the book, took it home, 
and started to read.
	When his mother saw William's book, she remembered that the 
T.M.F. was trying to reclaim Bulvaria, and she didn't want her son 
involved.  She kept the boy at home an made him work long hours in the 
garden planting veggies, so he wouldn't have time to think about the 
T.M.F.
	Will didn't appreciate this forced labor and ran away.  When he 
reached the bridge that connects Bulvaria to Scorria, he discovered 
that it had been taken over by three evil magicians named Chaos, 
Destruction, and Peace.  William couldn't get into the country, so he 
asked the guard at Scorria's gates where he could find the T.M.F.
	The guard responded, "You go down this road 'till it ends at a 
lake; there will be a boat with a ferryman.  Pay the ferryman and he 
will take you across the lake to an island called Meduville.  That is 
where The Magic Few meet every third day."
	So William followed guards directions.  While walking down the 
road, he was stopped by a Polish parrot.  The parrot squaked at him in 
polish, and the Colors of the Wind helped Will understand what the 
parrot was saying.
	"Death lies ahead, SQUAK!  Death lies ahead!"
	William ignored the parrot and continued his journey.  Then he 
found a psychic parrot sitting with an Italian parrot on a tree branch.  
Once again, the Colors of the Wind helped him understand.
	"Stay on the island from sunrise to sunset, but don't stay in 
darkness, for death awaits," they squaked simultaneously.
	Will ignored the parrots and their foreboding words, and 
continued to the lake.  There, he saw a small ferry with a tiny man on 
board.
	"Is this the boat to Meduville?" Will asked.
	Once again the wind came by, this time with multicolored leaves, 
but nothing happened.  The tiny man pulled back his hood, revealing his 
face.  It was an extraterrestrial hybrid of human and a race of alien.  
He held out his hand.
	William put two gold pesos in the outstretched hand, and the man 
turned, grabbed his oar, and started to row away.  Will, afraid of 
being left behind, jumped into the small boat, knocking the ferryman 
into the water.  The little alien drowned and cursed William, "My race 
shall rise up and destroy you miserable humans!"
	Will stood there and watched the alien sink.  Then, he started to 
row towards Meduville Island; it was late afternoon when he finally 
reached Meduville.  When he got off of the small boat he saw many empty 
temples and statues of Gods.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a 
statue of the hybrid alien he knocked into the water.
	He looked in the largest temple.  It had statues of every race or 
breed of humans and humanoid species, many of which were extinct.  Will 
continued to walk down the line of temples when he saw a woman.  She 
noticed him and stood still as he approached her.
	She was beautiful.  Her skin was a very bright white, and her 
hair was long and black.  Her eyes were so dark that they were almost 
black.  Then, Will knew he was in love.  He held out his hand and she 
took it; her touch was soft and gentle, but cold as ice.  She walked 
him to a bench at the center of the island.
	The sun was setting when they sat down.  The woman was wearing a 
long plantation dress.  On one finger was a golden ring and around her 
neck was a small gold chain with a blue stone so light that it matched 
the sky.  Then William said, "I believe I have fallen in love, but what 
is your name?"
	There was silence while she closed her eyes, then she said 
softly, "Delphia."
	"Excuse me?"
	"My name is Delphia."
	"My name is William."
	Just as Will and Delphia were about to embrace, a blinding flash 
of light enveloped them, and three figures could be seen by the sinking 
sun.  Will looked at them and looked back in Delphia's direction to see 
her squatting in front of a small circle of water.  She looked up at 
him, and he looked around, realizing that they were standing in the 
middle of a shrine.  The floor was covered with circles filled with 
water.  He looked down at her as she touched the water.  Ripples 
formed, and she disappeared.
	"We're late!!!" a shout rang out from behind him.
	William was grabbed and thrown into a boat.  When he looked back 
at the island, the last of the sun's light was disappearing over the 
horizon.  The island turned into a charcoal black and sunk beneath the 
waves.  Crammed in the boat with him were three other people...
	They were Cherden, Ardweden, and Dannysmartful, the T.M.F.  
Will's hopes rose when he saw them.  His mind filled with Ideas and 
questions.
	The T.M.F. were quarreling.  One of the members, Ardweden, was 
standing there with an expressionless face while the other two pointed 
at each other and said mean things.  Quietly, Will started rowing for 
the shore.
	When they got there, Cherden, a girl with dark brown hair done in 
a braid, said, "Look at that guy we grabbed and threw in the boat!   
He's a lot uglier than the other one."
	Ardweden, another girl with long, dark brown hair with a shade of 
red, replied, "So?"
	"Let's throw him back in the lake."
	"AAAAHHH!  You can't do that to me!  I'm afraid of water!" 
Dannysmartful, a tall boy with brown hair a couple shades lighter than 
the girls', and eyes that change color, screamed.
	"Not you, you dork, him," Cherden said, pointing at Will.
	"Okay," Ardweden agreed, passively.
	The two of them advanced on Will.  He backed away, shrieking, 
"Please don't hurt me!  I didn't do it!"
	They stopped.  "Do what?" Cherden asked.
	"Uh... nothing.  Hey, aren't you supposed to be the good guys?"
	Dannysmartful looked around in fear.  "AAAAHHH!  The good guys 
are gonna get us!"
	Ardweden knocked him on the head.  "No they're not, you doofus.  
We're the good guys."
	"AAAHHH!  The bad guys are gonna get us!"  Dannysmartful started 
to run around in circles.
	Cherden and Ardweden sighed and ran after him.  Will looked at 
them.  Who are these crazy T.M.F. look alikes?  He wondered.  I'd 
better get out of here before they decide to hurt me.
He started to crawl away.
	"Where do you think you're going?"  Cherden asked him.  She and 
Ardweden tied up Dannysmartful's hands and feet.
	"Uh... I dropped my key."  Will explained, holding up his key 
hanging from a gold chain around his neck.  It glowed black for a 
couple seconds, then faded.
	The T.M.F. gasped.  "Where did you get that?" Ardweden asked.
	"My grandma gave it to me on my tenth birthday."
	Ardweden and Cherden pulled out identical keys that they wore 
around their necks, glowing blue and green, respectively.  Cherden then 
reached down and pulled out Dannysmartful's key, which glowed white.  
"Do you know what this means?" Cherden asked.
	"No, what?"
	"You're a member!  Not only that, you're our leader!  What's 
you're name, anyway?"
	"William," Will replied, not sure what to make of this sudden 
change of heart.
	"Welcome to The Magic Few, Will," Cherden said warmly.
	They camped on the shoreline.  Will got up next morning with the 
others and went to the water's edge.  He knelt down and started 
drinking, when he looked at his reflection and noticed a leech on his 
forehead.  The was a lot of screaming before they moved on.
	After many hours of traveling Will got tired, so tired that he 
started talking to himself.  In fact, he got to the point where he 
said, "Let's conquer the world!"
	The rest of the T.M.F. looked at each other, chained William 
down, and went to bed.

	The next day, the sun began to rise as usual.  The T.M.F. awoke 
and told Will not to go crazy again.  He agreed.  They left their sight 
and after about two days of tireless travel, Cherden noticed a 
monument.  "Hey, Dannysmartful, do you still have the map you showed me 
when we were at Lexford?"
	"Ardweden has it," Dannysmartful replied.
	Ardweden said, in a monotone voice, "The Cracklies took it!"
	William looked at the other two and screamed, "We're lost, we're 
lost!  We'll die of starvation, dehydration, evil gurgles and booblums 
will eat us alive in our sleep!"
	Will was once again gagged and chained to a tree.  The T.M.F. 
decided to talk.  Then they made a Final Decision to eat first and 
think later.
	Cherden walked over to a peach tree and the tree began to speak.  
"Hello, I am a peach tree.  Pick my fruit and you will die a million 
deaths!"
	Cherden then turned, ran away, and chained herself to a tree next 
to William, because she thought she was going crazy.
	Meanwhile, the other two, Ardweden and Dannysmartful, were 
growing very hungry and decided to eat some ants.  So, they scooped up 
a handful of ants.  Then they heard the ants scream, "Please, please 
don't eat us!  We'll lead you to treasure beyond your wildest dreams!"
	"We don't want gold.  We are hungry.  We need food!"
	"We've got food!"  The ants brought out food.  Dannysmartful and 
Ardweden stuffed their faces to the point where they ate it all.  Still 
hungry, they ate the ants as well.
	The other ants revolted and began stabbing Ardweden and 
Dannysmartful with paper clips.  "Ooh!  Ouch!  Eek!  Help!" screamed 
the paper clips.
	"Oh my," said Ardweden, "We're getting stabbed by paper clips.  I 
think we're going to die in about fifteen minutes."
	Ardweden was in her neutral state of mind.  This is rather 
unusual.  After all, most people don't have different states.
	During one of the secret T.M.F. meetings, they were with a witch, 
learning how to change people's emotions.  The spell required a talking 
frog.  Unfortunately, the witch caught a magic talking frog.  The frog 
was very upset that it was going to be chopped up and boiled with the 
rest of the emotion potion.  So, he pointed at the witch croaking, "You 
wanted to make an emotion changing potion out of me, BUT I WILL CAST A 
CURSE ON YOU!!!"
	The frog jumped up a chimney, and a bolt of lightning flew 
towards the witch.  She ducked (of course) so the lightning hit 
Ardweden, who was standing behind her.  Ever since then, Ardweden's 
emotions changed states according to the fans that make the wind.  What 
ever their emotion was Ardweden's was as well.
	"AHHH!  Where's Cherden?" Dannysmartful screamed, "She'd know 
what to do!"  So, they turned around and walked to Cherden, with ants 
screaming and running behind them holding complaining paper clips.
	"Cherden, Cherden, we need professional help!  They're out to get 
us!" cried Dannysmartful.
	Cherden was in a trance.  She looked in their general direction 
and said in a monotone voice, "Cherden isn't available right now.  So, 
please leave your message after the beep and she'll get back to you as 
soon as possible."
	"HELP!" they both shrieked.
	Cherden was then carried by Dannysmartful to a stream where they 
stood in the middle as the ants crowded at the shoreline and hurled 
paper clips at them.  Dannysmartful and Ardweden stood there, holding 
Cherden above their heads, watching innocent paper clips drown.  Then 
the ants stood on leaves and floated towards the T.M.F.
	As the ants drew near, the stream's current drew them off and 
sent hundreds of leaves carrying ants downstream.  Many of the 
screaming ants vowed to get revenge.  Cherden's watch fell off her 
wrist (it was too big anyway) and landed in the water with a little 
plop.  The watch caused a tidal wave which cared the ants on the shore 
to their doom.  The ants on the leaves were drifting away yelling 
curses and flinging paper clips.
	Dannysmartful and Ardweden, believing they were safe, proceeded 
to dump Cherden into the water.  She came out of her trance and shook 
her head in confusion.  "Beep!" she oathed.
	"Let's get William before the ants climb up the tree and eat 
him!" Dannysmartful suggested.
	"Or worse, paper clip him to death!" Ardweden screeched, and 
began hopping up and down in the water, tugging at her hair.
	Dannysmartful and Ardweden pulled Cherden out of the stream and 
headed back to their camp.

Chapter 3 or Lord of the Ants

	When they arrived, they saw William being  plastered with paper 
clips.  Ants were swarming around the tree, and the ground was black 
because there were so many of them.  Dannysmartful and Ardweden began 
stomping on the ants, believing William was being attacked.
	"Stop!" William ordered.
	Ardweden, about to squash another footfull of ants, turned and 
looked at Will.  "You're mad, William!  Don't worry, we'll save you!"  
She mashed her foot down on the ants.
	"You've got it all wrong.  They think I'm their God!" Will 
argued.
	"Will they give us treasure?" Cherden asked.
	"Forget treasure, I want food!" Dannysmartful interrupted.
	"Forget food, I want the WORLD." Ardweden said.
	"Then stop squishing the ants into toothpaste, and I'll ask them 
to get you anything you want.  I am their God, remember?"
	Ardweden, Dannysmartful, and Cherden began to scratch their 
heads.  "Which is better, world domination or ant toothpaste?" 
Dannysmartful asked.
	"Look at my teeth.  Do they look white to you?  Gimme some of 
those ants!  We'll make a fortune selling toothpaste!" Cherden shouted.
	"I'd rather rule the world!  Who cares if my teeth rot if I can 
afford a million dentures!" Ardweden, who was in her crazed dictator 
state, argued.
	"Toothpaste!" Dannysmartful and Cherden yelled.
	"Domination!" Ardweden hollered.
	"Shut up!" Will screamed.
	"Please stop!  Listen to our God!" the ants pleaded.
	"Shut up, you little colgaters, you're gonna make me rich!  And 
whiten my teeth while I'm at it!" Cherden ordered.
	"No!  Don't listen to her!  Give me the world!  Or I'll kill 
everyone with paper clips!" Ardweden shouted.  She scooped up some 
paper clips from William's hair and held them threateningly.
	"How dare you remove the sacred paper clips from our God!  You 
are greedy pigs!  You ate all our food and killed our families!  Now 
you want to make toothpaste out of us and conquer the world!" the ants 
retaliated.
	"Not necessarily in that order.  I'd rather have the world first, 
then I can squish you all into toothpaste."
	The ants began screaming for help.  The cry echoed through the 
whole forest.  Elizabeth the Queen Bee was the first to hear the ants' 
pleas.  She told Harry the Tarantula who told the Polish parrot who 
told the Italian parrot who told the psychic parrot who said, "Doom!  
Doom!  Death will claim us all!  The Lord of the Ants is coming!  He'll 
kill us, mash us into toothpaste and rule the world!"
	"Not necessarily in that order!" Ardweden screamed.
	"Let's get them!  SQUAK!  Let's kill them all!" the psychic 
parrot cried to the Italian parrot who told the Polish parrot who told 
Harry the Tarantula who told Elizabeth the Queen Bee who told the ants 
that the Lord of the Ants is coming to kill the humans, squash them 
into toothpaste, and rule the world (not necessarily in that order).  
All of this was unnecessary because they were all standing within three 
feet of one another.
	Right after this, Ardweden snapped out of her crazed dictator 
state, and went straight into her sad, depressed state.  "Why are you 
all so mean to me?  What did I ever do to you?  All I wanted to do was 
take over the world.  Is that too much to ask?"
	The sight of Ardweden crying was so heartbreaking that Cherden 
and Dannysmartful stopped squishing ants and started to cry too.  The 
ants stopped screaming for their lives and looked at Ardweden, 
bewildered.  William, the only one who was thinking at the moment, 
(crying and looking bewildered takes too much energy) suddenly realized 
that he was still chained to the tree.
	"Hey," he said, "Not to ruin truly touching moment or anything, 
but I'd like it very much if someone would unchain me from this tree."
	The ants, hearing the voice of their God, reacted, and unchained 
Will.  Will then brushed off the paper clips and pulled off the gag, 
which had fallen off of his mouth and onto his neck.  The ants began to 
grovel at Will's feet.  "Cut it out!  You're annoying Me!" Will 
reprimanded his worshippers.
	"Cut what out?  Where are the scissors?" the ants asked.
	Suddenly, a dozen bees, two foreign and one psychic parrot, and 
fifty-two tarantulas ambushed the group of T.M.F., God, and ants.  
Ardweden started to hop up and down, screaming, "We'll all die!  We're 
doomed!  They'll kill us all and I didn't even get to rule the world 
yet!"
	"Or get my toothpaste!" Dannysmartful added.
	Cherden went into a trance and began reciting the alphabet 
forwards and backwards.  The parrots grabbed William and flew off in 
the direction of Meduville.
	Back on the ground, Ardweden had gone into her heroic state and 
began to beat up the bees with her late buss pass (which she picked off 
a late-buss-pass-tree earlier).  Dannysmartful started to mash the 
tarantulas into mouthwash to go with the ant toothpaste, which they 
already had an abundance of.
	The ants, mollified by the loss of their god began to build a 
magic ant road out of paper clips.  They used the tranceful-like 
Cherden as a foundation for their road.  "Our God!  Our God!  They took 
our God!" the ants screamed.
	"L-M-N-O-P-Q-R..." Cherden replied.
	Now, with all of the bees, tarantulas, and a few ants late-bus-
pass-mortum Ardweden said, "Don't worry, we'll save William from the 
parrots!"
	"We?" Dannysmartful squeaked.
	"Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T..." Cherden continued.
	"You ARE going, aren't you, Dannysmartful?  Pick up Cherden and 
get going," Ardweden demanded.
	Dannysmartful grabbed Cherden, causing the God-obsessed ants and 
their paper clip bridge to fall to the ground.  The ants began 
screaming for their lives.  Ardweden ran to their rescue and caught 
them in her outstretched hands.  "There you go, little ants," said 
Ardweden said.
	"Are you nuts?" yelled Dannysmartful, "Ardweden, we can't keep 
saving every little ant!"
	"But we must!"
	"Save Will; let's go!"
	Ardweden ignored Dannysmartful and continued to give aid to the 
terrified ants.  Dannysmartful decided to go on without Ardweden.  He 
held the alphabet-chanting Cherden over his head and ran in the 
direction of Meduville.  While he was running, he accidentally ran into 
a tree.  Cherden's head hit a branch and the force of the impact caused 
Dannysmartful to drop her.  Cherden shook her head, coming out of her 
trance.  She was now very conscious of the situation, and ran off 
without Dannysmartful to save William.
	She passed the Polish parrot, who was snickering on a tree branch 
and preening his feathers.  "Where's Will?" Cherden asked the parrot.
	The parrot responded, and the Colors of the Wind helped Cherden 
understand him.  "SQUAK!  Sacrifice on island.  SQUAK!  Death at 
sunset!  Will's blood will be used to save our masters of stone!" the 
Polish parrot squaked.
	Cherden got angry at the parrot and threw a small rock at it.  
The Polish parrot fell from the tree and began singing, "Ring around 
the Rosie..."
	Then something sprang from the bushes and onto the parrot.  The 
parrot squaked curses that the Colors of the Wind didn't dare to 
translate.  Cherden ran behind a late-buss-pass-tree and began picking 
passes to defend herself with.  When the thing was done batting the 
Polish parrot around, it hopped sideways towards Cherden.  
	Cherden started to laugh hysterically and dropped her passes.  
The thing jumped at the paper and tore it to shreds.  Then it hopped up 
to Cherden.  "Meow!" it meowed in a kitten-like yowl.
	"AHHHHHH!" Cherden screamed and began hopping sideways herself.  
The thing, which had black stripes on its long, white furry body, began 
to mimic her.  Cherden stopped jumping and put her hand on the thing's 
head.
	"You're a hopping white tiger, aren't you?  I'll call you Hooper 
because you hop so much."
	Hooper headed to the lake, and began hopping sideways on the 
water.  "Hey, I'll ride you to the island and rescue Will!" Cherden 
exclaimed and gestured for the tiger to come to her.

	Back at the tree, Dannysmartful had finished his count of the 
tiny, ringing stars that were circling his wounded head.  Ardweden was 
standing over him.  She was obviously in her mean state because she 
began to beat Dannysmartful to a pulp.  Dannysmartful and Ardweden 
fought, rolling on the forest floor and ending up in the lake.
	"Hey," Ardweden said, her mood had changed to complete stupidity, 
"It's a lake!  Wasn't Will taken to a lake?"
	"Duh," Dannysmartful responded.
	"Let's swim across!"
	"We can't, it's too far to Meduville!"
	"We'll float!"
	"On what?"
	"On that!" Ardweden pointed at the Polish parrot, who was near 
death.  
	Dannysmartful picked up the bird.  "Nah, I think it'll just be 
dead weight," he said and tossed the bird over his shoulder.

	In Meduville, Cherden and Hooper had already arrived at the 
temple with the circular pools.  Around the largest pool was a group of 
parrots wearing monk robes and chanting in different languages.  Will 
was suspended over a pool by a vine.  Cherden noticed that the pool of 
water was boiling.
	Suddenly, a large parrot wearing a military uniform swooped from 
the sky and addressed the other parrots.  "The sun has set.  Prepare 
the sacrifice!"

Chapter 4 or The Stone Gods

	Hooper was attracted by the large parrot and began hopping 
towards the assembly.  He pounced on the parrot and batted him into the 
water.  "AHH!  Death!  Death!  I'm a gonner!" the parrot lamented.
	The other parrots, seeing their leader par-broiled, began to 
attack Cherden and Hooper.  Hooper was stalking a French parrot, who 
had a pointed goatee.  "Oh, wee wee!  Le tiger is to make a french fry 
of me!" the French parrot squaked.
	Cherden, weaponless, screamed and ran away from the parrots.  
Hooper seeing his friend flee, hopped after her.  The parrots, now led 
by the French parrot, resumed the ritual.
	Cherden ran to the lake, and saw Dannysmartful and Ardweden, who 
was in her inventive phase, riding a boat made of late bus passes.  
"Hey!  Help us!  They're going to sacrifice Will to their Stone Gods!" 
Cherden screamed at the two.
	"Good, because he's crazy, and we don't need him anymore!  He 
eats our food and gets us into trouble!  He's also the ants' God and we 
aren't." Dannysmartful pointed to the little ants who were holding the 
late bus passes together.
	"No!  We'll rescue him with a late-bus-pass-sword!  I'll make 
it!" Ardweden began ripping the late bus passes off the boat which was 
still floating towards the island.
	"Um... wouldn't we sink if you did that?" Dannysmartful asked.
	"Of course we are!  Don't be stupid.  I'm ripping the bottom of 
the boat out."
	The ants, fearing for their lives, filled the gap by lacing their 
antennae and formed a mat over the hole.
	Just then, Dannysmarful noticed Hooper.  The hopping white tiger 
was meowing at the ants, and trying to pounce on them.  "Cherden, look 
out!" Dannysmartful yelled, "You're going to get eaten by a hopping 
white tiger!"
	Cherden whirled around only to discover that Hooper was standing 
behind her, meowing and looking at her with his playful eyes.  "Huh?  
Oh... I suppose introductions are in order.  Hooper, this is Ardweden, 
and this person is Dannysmartful.  Ardweden, Dannysmartful, this is 
Hooper.  He's going to help us save William." Cherden said in a calm, 
diplomatic voice.
	"NO!  We are not save William.  Before we met him, the T.M.F. had 
no troubles.  Now we only know him for two days, and we are nearly 
killed by ants with paper clips, tarantulas, parrots, and bees.  Even 
worse I haven't had a chance to get toothpaste!  I'll get cavities!" 
replied Dannysmartful.
	Just then Ardweden finished the late-buss-pass-sword, and the 
boat landed on Meduville.  She wordlessly handed the sword to Cherden.  
Cherden walked to Dannysmartful and gave him the sword.  "Listen, 
Dannysmartful, Ardweden can change states at any moment, and I could go 
into a trance.  You're the only person we can count on.  We have to 
save Will.  He's our friend.  Please help us save him," Cherden said 
gravely.
	"Well... I suppose.  If you say pretty please with sugar, a 
cherry and toothpaste on top."
	Cherden and Ardweden repeated the phrase solemnly.  Then Ardweden 
shifted into her ballistic phase.  "AHHHH!" she screamed, running into 
the sacred temple.
	"Hey, Ardweden.  Wait for us!" Cherden and Dannysmartful yelled.  
They ran into the temple after her.
	Hooper was about to follow them when he heard the sound of parrot 
squaking to his left.  He decided to hop over and do some 
investigating.
	The squaking parrot was blue with purple polka dots.  Hooper had 
never seen anything like this.  He began to sniff the parrot. The 
parrot, who was a Phillepian parrot, put his wing on Hooper's nose and 
pushed the tiger away.
	While Hooper was distracted, three parrots, a Roman parrot, 
wearing a Spartan helmet, a Chinese parrot, wearing a robe with the 
colors of the Chinese flag, and a Venetian parrot, who was eating a 
Venetian cookie, captured Ardweden, Dannysmartful, and Cherden and 
chained them to pillars with licorice ropes to watch their friend die.  
They also chained Hooper, who fell for the Phillepian parrot's trap and 
was also captured.
	Ardweden had gone into her intellectual observer state and said, 
"It seems that they have William tied onto that pillar so they can 
sacrifice him in the water to purify his blood, which can revive their 
Stone Gods.  They are waiting for the French parrot to choose who gets 
the honor of cutting the vine and killing William."
	"Shut up!  Look at my teeth!  I'm gonna watch my friend die with 
sticky teeth and I just know that this licorice will give me cavities!  
I know it just by touching it!" Cherden yelled, then she began singing 
the theme song to Sailor Moon.  "Fighting evil by moonlight..."
	The ants, fearing for their God, attempted to save him by chewing 
through his licorice bonds.  "Don't you know you can get cavities if 
you eat licorice?" Dannysmartful yelled.
	"Yelling at this time would not be appropriate, Dannysmartful.  
Somebody could get hurt," Ardweden whispered.
	Suddenly, the parrots saw fat, black ants fall off of William's 
licorice bonds, and the ants started to roll on the floor.
	The air shimmered, and a woman with long black hair suddenly 
appeared.  She observed the scene and quickly disappeared.  
Dannysmartful became paranoid and thought that nobody would save them.  
"Oh no, nobody will save us!  William, you will die if I get free!"
	The parrots just noticed what they were yelling about, when 
suddenly the woman reappeared with seven guards from Scorria.  The 
guards then snatched up all of the parrots, strapped their wings so 
they couldn't fly, and stuck nuts in their mouths to keep them busy.  
The guards untied the T.M.F. and William, while a man with a broom and 
a dustpan swept up all the fat ants.
	The day was saved, but their quest wasn't over.

Chapter 5 or Doom, Death, and Destruction

	The T.M.F. took a ride with the guards while they held the 
parrots in straight jackets.  The woman and Will were about to embrace 
when they all disappeared, leaving Delphia on the island.  In a moment, 
they reappeared in a small, underground room with a tiny, round pool of 
water.  The guards then took the psychic parrot and put it in a very 
large cage.  The T.M.F. and Will were alone when they resumed their 
lives as normal people.
	Cherden then sang, "Maya, Maya the Bee!" in a sing song voice.
	Ardweden settled down, while the ants, still very, very fat, 
pulled themselves into William's shoes and began praying.
	After everyone had settled down, Cherden looked up through the 
hole.  The guards took the parrots away.  "I think I know where we are, 
and we are going to die!  AHHHHH!" Dannysmartful screamed.
	"Maya, Maaaaayyyaaa, Maya the Bee!" Cherden continued.
	"How are we going to die?" asked Will.
	"We'll be bitten by sidewinders!"
	"Dehydration, lack of food!"
	"Maya the Bee!" the T.M.F. screamed simultaneously.
	William then turned away from The Petrified Few and leapt up and 
grabbed the edge of the hole, pulling his head above the surface to 
see... a rattler mothering an egg.  When she saw him, she started to 
dance in a weird fashion.  Will fell back into the hole and screamed, 
"We're gonna DIE!"
	"AHHH!" screamed Ardweden and Dannysmartful.
	"Maaayyya, Maya the Bee..." sang Cherden.
	Dannysmartful then ran into a corner, dug a little hole into the 
wall, crawled in, and refused to come out.  Ardweden felt tired and 
laid down to take a nap.  Cherden and Will stood there, spaced out, 
when Cherden had a brilliant idea.  She took all of the dirt 
Dannysmartful dug out of the earth and began to pile it up.  She shaped 
stairs out of it.  When she was done, she walked up the stairs with 
Hooper hopping sideways behind her.
	When everybody woke up, they saw a dirt staircase and that 
Cherden was gone.  Wondering if she was in a trance, they frantically 
scurried up the stairs and looked around.  They saw paw prints in the 
sand, then a sandstorm burst through the desert.  Will, Ardweden, and 
Dannysmartful ducked into the hole to see fat ants bowing and honoring 
William.

	On the surface, Cherden and Hooper were sipping lemonade at an 
Oasis that they found.

	After the storm died down and the temperature cooled, Will, 
Ardweden and Dannysmartful once again peeked above the surface of the 
hole.  They decided to leave, thinking Cherden was lost with Hooper.  
They started walking in the direction that they thought Cherden and 
Hooper would have gone.  The sun was almost set when they came upon a 
bag.  Ardweden opened the bag and peeked inside.
	"Oh!  It's those evil parrots who tried to kill Will!" she 
exclaimed.
	"Death!  Doom!  Destruction!" the psychic parrot chanted.
	"Hey, he's a psychic!  Let's take that parrot with us!  He'll 
know where Cherden and Hooper are!" Will offered.  "Hey, my feet are 
tickling!"  He looked down and saw the licorice-stuffed ants crawling 
into his travel-worn sneakers.
	"Oh, great God, take the parrot as an offering!  We'll even carry 
him for you!" the ants said.
	"Get out of My shoes, or face the wrath of God!" Will hollered.
	The fat ants began climbing out of Will's shoes, feeling 
dejected.  "We only wanted to help!"
	"Oh, shut up and grab that psychic parrot.  No, no!  That's the 
French parrot!  The PSYCHIC parrot, the one with the crystal ball!" 
Will ordered the ants.
	"I don't think that parrot is psychic!  I can chant Doom!  Death!  
Destruction!  and I'm not psychic!  Or am I?  Yes, I can see it now!  
The future is bright and sunny, and then we die!  Death!  Death!  
Destruction!" Ardweden began to repeat what the psychic parrot had said 
because she was in her psychic parrot state.
	"I don't want to die.  Is there a Bavarian future changing parrot 
in that bag?" Dannysmartful asked.
	"Oh, I'm Bavarian," one of the parrots said.
	"No you aren't, you liar!  You're a Hungarian parrot!" 
Dannysmartful bopped the bird in the beak.
	"Yes, and I'm hungry.  Got any food?" the parrot asked.
	"You can eat-- er... you WILL eat  the ants.  I can see it in the 
future!  You will eat this ant!" Ardweden picked up the fattest ant and 
placed it in the bag of parrots.
	"Maybe we should take all the parrots.  They'd be good food, and 
we can give them to a dragon if we ever see one," Dannysmartful 
suggested.
	"Yes, I can see it now!  A purple dragon attacks us, but eats the 
birds instead!" Ardweden prophesied.
	"We don't want to die!" the parrots in the bag screamed in 
several different languages.
	"Too bad.  Besides, the psychic parrot already said that everyone 
would die!" Will grabbed the bag of protesting parrots and began 
walking into the desert.  The ants followed in the little path the 
trailing parrot bag made.
	"Yes, I can see it now!  We will follow Will and die!  DIE!  
DIE!" Ardweden shouted at the top of her lungs.
	"Shut up!  You're scaring me!  Prophesize painless, good things!  
Not everything centers around death!" Dannysmartful upbraided Ardweden.
	"But death is in the future, I can't change that.  I can only 
change how it happens!" Ardweden argued.
	"AHH!  We're going to die deep in the desert!" Will screamed.
	Two headless chickens with a hose attaching them to the ground 
suddenly appeared in front of Will.  Dannysmartful and Ardweden ran up 
to see.  "It's an omen of DEATH!" Ardweden said.
	"No!  No!  Don't say that!  They're just chickens running around 
with their heads cut off!"  Dannysmartful hollered.
	The "chickens" lifted their heads out of the sand and stared at 
the group.  Each chicken's head represented its worst fears.  One head 
resembled Cherden; the other portrayed Hooper.
	"Oh, there you are, Cherden and Hooper," Dannysmartful said.
	"Hey, doofus,  since when were Cherden and Hooper birds?" Will 
growled at Dannysmartful.
	"They were never birds.  These are ostridanishes.  I saw them in 
our future.  Cherden and Hooper are the birds' worst fear!" Ardweden 
declared.
	The birds changed back to normal and began squaking.  Then the 
parrots in the bag began squaking.  Then Ardweden began squaking.
	"Um... why is Cherden and Hooper your worst fear?  Are they 
planning to kill us all?" Dannysmartful asked the ostridanishes.
	"Hooper is the demon that hops sideways in the night!" the birds 
answered.
	"I knew that tiger was no good.  No animal that hops sideways can 
be any good!  But what does this have to do with Cherden?"
	"She's the demon's master!  She makes the wind howl and the 
parrots squak!"
	"You made the parrots squak!  You couldn't shut up, so they 
started protesting."
	"She did it!  She really did.  She cast an evil squaking spell on 
us!"
	"No she didn't!  You're lying!  We should stuff you in this bag 
and let the dragon eat you too!"
	The ostridanishes' heads began to resemble Dannysmartful.
	"Why are they doing that?  Oh, that's right!  I saw that in the 
future already!  It's because you are now their worst nightmare!" 
Ardweden explained.
	"That's dumb.  Why can't they just keep their own faces?  Now any 
of their enemies will know that they're scared of them!" Dannysmartful 
said.
	"I don't think it's dumb!  Now being Lord of the Ants, that's 
dumb!" Will exclaimed.
	"What did You say, oh Great Lord of Wind, Fire, Earth and Sky?  
You think we're dumb?  Darn education system!  It's all messed up!" the 
ants squeaked.
	"Shut up, you buggy ants!  Now carry this bag of parrots so I can 
wring these chickens' long necks!"
	"Yes, oh Great One, we'll do as You command!"
	Will walked up to the ostridanishes and grabbed one of their 
necks.  The ostridanish's head began to resemble Will.
	"Would you cut that OUT?!" Dannysmartful screeched.
	"Cut what out?  Where are the scissors?" the ants asked.
	"There aren't any scissors, you morons!  It's a figure of speech!  
Get it straight!" Will ordered.
	"Where's a ruler?  The God wants everything straight!"
	Will began jumping from one foot to the other and flapping his 
arms.  "That's just another figure of speech!  For crying out loud!"
	"Very well, Milord.  WAHHHHHH!  Is that loud enough?"
	"Shut up!"
	"WAHH-- what did you say?  We can't hear you, oh Great One!"
	"SHUT UP!"
	"Shut what, and how far up?"
	"Go away!"
	"Where should we leave the parrots?"
	"Open the bag and go inside!"
	"Wouldn't the parrots eat us?"
	"Duh!"
	"That's not fair.  We gave You sacrifices and offerings!  WE 
SAVED YOUR LIFE!"
	"I'm a GOD.  I'm immortal!  Do you think I need to have MY life 
saved?"
	"Well... no... um... we'll crawl in the bag now."
	"It was a joke!"
	"Our Lord has such a great sense of humor!  Should we cry out 
loud?"
	"NO!  No crying, please!"
	"They will cry before they die!  DOOM!  DEATH!!  DESTRUCTION!!!" 
Ardweden prophesied again.
	"Stop talking about DEATH!  You're making me paranoid!" 
Dannysmartful screamed.
	"You are paranoid," Will said.
	"Speaking of that (pair of nerds), where's Cherden and Hooper?" 
Dannysmartful asked.
	"Who cares!  They'll all die someday anyway! DEATH!  DOOM! 
DESTRUCTION!"
	 "He doesn't want to know if they die or not.  Tell us where they 
are; give us one of your psychic visions!" Will screamed while shaking 
the parrot violently.
	"Help!  Help!" the ants shrieked.
	Everyone turned around to see a camel stampede heading right in 
their direction.

Chapter 6 or The Mirage and the Cactus

	Everybody screamed, and Ardweden grabbed the bag o' parrots and 
jumped onto a camel-faced ostridanish's back.  Dannysmartful and Will 
did the same, and the ants climbed on as quickly as they could and 
grasped the feathers of the birds as they took off.
	"I wish we had Cherden with us," screamed Dannysmatful, "She'd 
know what to do in any situation!"
	Behind him was Will, and behind Will was the camel stampede, and 
behind the stampede was Hooper, who was pulling Cherden in a one-man 
chariot.
	As they went up a hill, Ardweden looked back above the camel 
heads to see Hooper and Cherden.  Ardweden stopped the ostridanish by 
putting her hankie over his eyes; the bird's face turned black (for 
fear of darkness).  Will and Dannysmartful ran up along side her and 
asked why she stopped.  Ardweden pointed, they saw why, and 
Dannysmartful jumped off and ran away screaming, "AAAHHH!  It's the 
demon that hops sideways in the night!  He makes the parrots howl and 
the wind squak!"
	Ardweden then went into her solution saver state and said, "I've 
got a brilliant Idea.  We have to go over the camel stampede!"
	She turned the ostridanishes around to face the camels and had 
William cover the eyes of his ostridanish.  She told both ostridanishes 
to be prepared to jump and flutter their wings as fast and quickly as 
possible.
	She then waited until the camel were two-thirds up the hill and 
gave the signal.  The birds jumped, not knowing what would happen, as 
the stampede soared underneath them.  Every moment was like an hour.  
They were slowly sinking at a slope.  When the stampede was beyond 
them, they saw Hooper and Cherden below them.  Cherden and Hooper 
looked up; Hooper got on his hind legs and fluttered his paws in the 
air while Cherden just waited.
	Then suddenly the ostridanishes quit, and the flying birds, 
parrots, ants, Will, and Ardweden fell like a rock and plopped in the 
sand.  The hankies fell off of the ostridanishes' faces, and they stood 
up and hobbled off.  Hooper came up to them and began to muzzle 
Ardweden and Will.  Hooper turned and looked up the hill to see 
Dannysmartful screaming hysterically while riding on one of the 
stampeding camels.
	"What do you think you are doing?!" shouted Will, "Are you 
crazy?!"
	"I'm gonna die!" screamed Dannysmartful.
	As he approached them they grabbed hold of the camel to stop it 
from running around frantically.  Then Cherden asked, "Die from what?"
	"There's someone dressed in black back there," Dannysmartful 
exploded, "and she looks scary to me!"
	The black figure appeared at the top of the sand dune.  Then 
Cherden said calmly, "Oh, that's a mirage of my sister, Lynnden."
	The mirage waved a signal to follow and began to walk off.  
William became scared and put a rope around the camel's neck and put 
Ardweden on the animal.  Then they slowly followed the mirage of 
Lynnden.
	"How much further?  We don't know where we are!" Dannysmartful 
complained, "I'm also afraid of camels!"
	"Oh, hush up.  Lynnden will lead us out of the desert!" yelled 
William.
	Then Ardweden fell into her tired and lazy state and fell asleep 
on the camel's back.
	"Come on, Hooper, I'll get off your back," cried Cherden.  She 
climbed off Hooper.  The group went in the direction Lynnden was 
pointing to.  The continued to travel through the hot, sweaty desert 
and began to get cranky, and cursed Lynnden.  But she wasn't there.
	"We're lost, we're lost!  We will die of starvation, dehydration, 
and evil gurgles and booblums will eat us alive in our sleep!" Will 
screeched.
	"Shut up, Will.  Stop going crazy.  We have nothing to chain you 
up to at the moment!" Cherden hollered, "Hey, what's that?"
	A giant cactus loomed before them.  It was so tall it touched the 
sky.  Cherden went up to the cactus to inspect it.
	"Fee!  Fie!  Fo!  Fum!  I smell the blood of human scum!" a deep 
voice rumbled.
	"Um... who said that?" Cherden asked.
	"I did!  The GIANT OF THE CACTUS!  Please tell me that you have 
heard of me," the Cactus answered.
	"Can't say we have.  Can we go now?  I think I saw gurgle and 
booblum tracks in the sand," Will said.
	"You have to have heard of ME!  I'm the greatest cactus giant 
that ever lived!  My spikes can kill and army and a half; my eyes can 
see all that can't be seen!"
	"Can you see us?" Dannysmartful asked.
	"Well... yes..." the cactus mumbled.
	"Then how can you see all that can't be seen unless... we're 
DEAD!  We're DEAD!  We died in the desert and now we're ghosts, and 
that's why the cactus can see us!"
	"You're paranoid, but I don't care.  I think I'll go back to 
sleep now," Ardweden commented.
	"Well let's get off the side issue.  I can still kill and army 
and a half with my spikes!"
	"That's nice, but it doesn't help us.  We have an army of 
parrots, an army of ants, and a Hooper.  I don't think you can kill 
us," Cherden said.
	"Who said I wanted to kill you?  I was merely stating a fact.  
May I join you?  I see that you have the Lord of the Ants on your 
side."
	The group looked at each other.
	"Should we let him come?" Cherden asked.
	"I don't care," Ardweden said.
	"He might kill us!  Oh, but we're dead, so we have nothing to 
fear.  Okay, he can come," Dannysmartful added.
	"At least he realizes that I'm a GOD.  Sure, he can come and be 
My servant," Will said.
	"Okay, you can come," Cherden said to the cactus.
	So the cactus joined them, and they finished crossing the desert 
with Lynnden's help.  When they came out of the desert, they stood at 
the fringe of the forest of Bulvaria.
	"Uh, I'm scared," Dannysmartful said.
	"You're always scared, but I'm scared too!" Cherden responded.
	The cactus walked into the forest on his two tiny legs and began 
knocking over all of the trees.  He tripped on a tree root and fell, 
covering the length of Bulvaria leading right to the castle.
	The people of Bulvaria were frightened, but not as frightened of 
the cactus as they were of the WORD.  So, they didn't say anything and 
ignored the screams of those who were crushed by the cactus.
	"How nice.  He cleared a path all the way to the castle." 
Ardweden was in her compliment-giver state and walked up to the cactus 
and patted one of his spikes.  "Don't worry, we'll come back and help 
you once we save the world."
	The T.M.F. and Will (who's a member) crawled onto the cactus and 
headed towards the castle.  Along the way, they saw statues of the Boy-
Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-
Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and 
Backwards.  They ignored the statues, because they had no idea what the 
WORD was, anyway, not withstanding the fact that they didn't care who 
this Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-Persisted-That-He-Was-
Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards 
and Backwards was.

Chapter 7 or The Final Defeat

	It was a very long trip, made longer by the invasion of a purple 
dragon.  "Are you the keymaster?" the dragon asked.
	"Um... no," Dannysmartful responded, "but if you recite a few 
bars, I'll fake it."
	"Do you have the key?" the dragon roared.
	"A flat, or B flat, or how about C, G, or A?" Dannysmartful 
asked.
	"The key to the BRIDGE OF DEATH!" the dragon growled.
	"Oh, I never heard of that song.  Oh well, here goes: Bridge of 
Death in A flat!  

There was a Bridge of Death
In E or in I.
If I take the Bridge of Death,
I may die!
La-la-laaaaaaa!"

	Dannysmartful's pitch was so awful, the dragon fell, dead.
	"Aw, what a shame.  She stayed up too late.  Maybe I should write 
lullabies for a li..."
	Everybody stopped and stared, gawking at the sight of a large, 
black castle.  Dannysmartful shrieked and jumped behind the lifeless 
dragon.  They looked down to see many families run inside their homes 
and turn the lights off.
	Then Ardweden shook her head and asked everyone, "Um... how are 
we going to get inside?"
	Cherden responded, "I... don't know.  Hey, maybe we could bring 
him a present..."
	"I know," shouted William, "We'll sneak in really, really 
quietly."
	"Okay, let's go," said Ardweden.
	"The chances of you turkeys getting in are slim to none, so I'm 
staying here," Dannysmartful stated, "and besides, the guards are 
twelve feet tall, so how do you expect to get in, eh?"
	"I'll take care of that," Cherden replied.
	They then walked off without Dannysmartful towards the dark 
castle.  When they got there, Ardweden quietly asked, "Okay, Cherden, 
what should we do?"
	Cherden responded, "When that guard comes by, grab him and pull 
him over."
	They waited until the guard came by and quickly grabbed him and 
pulled him over.  Behind a large rock, William had Ardweden on his 
shoulders, and Ardweden held up the armor that the guard was wearing.  
Cherden put the helmet on Hooper's head, wrapped herself in the rest of 
the armor, and had Hooper sit on her shoulders.  They then desperately 
fumbled the rest of the armor on Hooper so they would seem very tall.  
William looked through the bottom of the armor to see where they were 
going.
	"What do you see?" Ardweden whispered.
	"I see two lines of guards walking or dancing in some weird 
fashion singing, 'Hoo ee o.  Ooo oh.  Hoo ee o.  Ooo oh.' (like in the 
Wizard of Oz).  Now they're going inside.  Let's follow them!" Will 
whispered back.
	William walked them through the door (they looked lopsided), and 
a guard asked, "Hey, what's wrong with you?"
	Cherden responded in a low voice, "I... uh... pulled my back 
while dancing."
	"Okay, carry on."
	Will followed the others until he saw a sign that read 
"Bathrooms".  He scurried into the bathrooms, shut the door, and fell 
backwards.
	"Meow!"
	"Watch it, you clumsy fool!"
	"You're hurting my head."
	"Well, I'm sorry!  We're safe now.  Let's get out of this silly 
armor."
	They quickly undressed and peeked out the bathroom door.  "The 
coast is clear, let's move!" William ordered.
	"Where?" the rest of them whispered back.
	They heard a hideous screeching sound that echoed throughout the 
castle.  Cherden looked down.  Hooper scratched an arrow pointing at 
the wall in the marble floor.  Then Cherden said, "Cats have a sixth 
sense; he knows where to go."
	Unfortunately, Cherden's voice caught the ears of a couple 
guards.  When they saw the T.M.F. and Hooper they screamed an ran.  One 
of them pulled the emergency fire alarm which turned the sprinklers on.  
The other one ran for backup.  Hooper hated water, so he jumped into 
the wall and passed right through it.  The T.M.F. followed.
	They found themselves in a black room.  Water was still coming 
from the ceiling, but it was from a hose, not a sprinkler.  They were 
in the Royal Garden, which was located in the center of the castle.  
The hose was watering what appeared to be dead plants.
	The T.M.F. saw their worst fear... Miss Jane Andersun!  She was 
watering her garden and threatened them all with D's and F's if they 
didn't turn in their overdue term papers.  Terrified, they wrote words 
on late bus passes that they hoped were coherent sentences and gave 
them to her.  She scowled and forced them to watch Law and Order, 
People's Court, and review the O.J. Simpson trial.  She said that it 
was for their own good and that it would help them write better papers.

	At the dead dragon, Dannysmartful was getting very fidgety.  "I 
should be there with them," he said, "They don't even have the late-
bus-pass-sword."
	"Don't worry!" the ants squeaked, "They're with our God.  He'll 
protect them!"
	"It doesn't matter," squaked a parrot from inside the bag, 
"They'll all die anyway!  DOOM!  DEATH!  DESTRUCTION!  DEATH!!"
	"He can't die!  He's our God!  So says the ancient prophecy, 
'Your God will come to you chained to a tree'!" cried the ants.
	"It doesn't matter.  He'll die.  Everyone dies!"
	"Not Gods!"
	This launched an enormous theological debate over whether or not 
Gods could die.  As far as Dannysmartful was concerned, William was not 
a God, and very mortal.  In fact, it was quite possible that he could 
die.

	Meanwhile, inside the castle, after a long, boring lecture on how 
to write a thesis statement, and what kind of information should go 
into it, William, not understanding a word of what Miss Jane Andersun 
said, walked over to a wall, found a saucepan hanging there, and hit 
her on the head.
	Miss Jane Andersun malfunctioned and began singing, 
"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious..."
	She then fell on the floor, and her head rolled off.  All the 
while, Ardweden and Cherden were screaming bloody murder.  Will just 
stood there holding the saucepan, and Hooper was playing with the head.
	"Hey, look!  Miss Jane Andersun's a robot!" Cherden exclaimed.
	"Really?  Wow.  Thanks for getting us out of her evil spell, 
William.  Of course, you COULD have been a little neater, couldn't you?  
You could have used the off button.  What kind of hero do you think you 
are, anyway?  Running around with a saucepan; you could at least use a 
sword or something.  And that saucepan looks dirty!" Ardweden, who was 
in her rude, criticizing state, complained.
	"Meow," said Hooper.
	"So, any ideas on how we get out of here?" asked the God with the 
saucepan.
	"Uh, we could get out the way we came in," Cherden replied.
	"DUH!  There's just one thing you didn't think about, Cherden.  
HOW DID WE GET IN HERE?!" Ardweden yelled.

	Back at the dead purple dragon, the theological debate was over.  
They decided that Gods could not die, and the psychic parrot decided 
that he's an atheist.  Anyway, Gods are still doomed to destruction, or 
at least eternal pain and suffering, the parrot thought.
	"That's it, I'm going in there," Dannysmartful decided.
	"Oh, take us too!  We want to save our Great Lord from eternal 
torment!" the ants said.
	"Well... okay.  If you say pretty please with sugar, a cherry, 
and toothpaste on top," Dannysmartful responded.
	The ants repeated the phrase solemnly.

	Back in the castle, Hooper got caught in a rose bush while 
playing with the head of Jane Andersun.  The rest of them patiently 
tried to pull the prickly thorns away from his shedding fur.  Suddenly, 
six more Jane Andersun robots walked in chanting, "Term papers, thesis 
statements, pronoun reference errors!"
	The T.M.F. screamed and ripped the rose bushes from the ground, 
carrying them along side Hooper as they ran.  When they escaped the 
robots, they turned a corner too soon and saw two humungous, sweeping 
staircases filled with twelve-foot guards.  In the middle of the stair 
cases they saw the Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-
Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-
Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and Backwards.  He was dressed in gold 
clothing.  The sweeping stair case was made out of gold, and his six 
private guards were wearing golden helmets.
	Suddenly, Hooper saw his tail for the first time, and frantically 
started to chase it, whipping the rose bushes around in circles, 
casting dirt and pebbles everywhere.  One of the guards screamed, "The 
tiger mutated into a rose bush!"
	Then all of the guards in the room began running in every 
direction, except towards Hooper and the T.M.F.  Cherden desperately 
tried to get Hooper to stop, but he was so fascinated and amused that 
he didn't.  Then the Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-
Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-
Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and Backwards picked up a microphone that 
was hooked up to an AM\FM Super Electromagneticohydrodynamical Vortex 
Stereo, put on volume 99.  He was about to say THE WORD when Hooper, 
who was still chasing his tail, knocked over one of the speakers, 
creating a loud, wrenching sound.
	Will then ran over and unplugged the stereo, saving the world 
from being turned into ashes.  Then the Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-
Now-A-Man-But-Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-
Bulvaria-By-Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and Backwards started to stamp 
his feet and say mean things.  
	Cherden, thinking she was Robin Hood, grabbed a sword and cut a 
rope, which was holding up a chandelier.  The chandelier fell smoothly 
and quickly, right on Dannysmartful, who had come to save them.  
Cherden then cut another one, and a grand piano fell on the three 
remaining guards.  She cut a third, but this time a bag of sand fell on 
her.
	Ardweden was caught in the tail-chasing and rose bushes when 
William took the sword and cut the last rope as the Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-
But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-
Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and Backwards was 
running up a sweeping staircase.  A toaster fell on his head, knocking 
him out, causing him to tumble down the stairs with a very loud "Thud!  
Thud!  Thud!"
	Will ran up to him and stuffed a handful of toothpaste in his 
mouth so he couldn't speak another word.  Suddenly, William was grabbed 
by one of the twelve foot guards.  The parrots attacked the guard, and 
the six Andersun robots came in.  They started to beat up the parrots 
with garden supplies and tempting them with seeds.
	The ants climbed up the wall and pulled the fire alarm.  All of 
the sprinklers in the castle once again came to life, causing the 
Andersun robots to short circuit and malfunction.
	The next morning, outside the castle, the T.M.F. saw large crowds 
cheering with happiness.  As for the guards, they sat in the dungeon 
with their friend, the Boy-Who-Was-A-Boy-But-Who-Is-Now-A-Man-But-
Persisted-That-He-Was-Still-A-Boy-Who-Had-Taken-Over-Bulvaria-By-
Reciting-THE WORD-Forwards and Backwards.  The Andersun robots were 
used for hard labor and reprogrammed to worship dirt.
	William went home to his mother with a fortune in gold, and later 
returned to the forest to marry Delphia and be the ants' God.
	The parrots ruled Bulvaria until Ardweden took over.
	Cherden made billions in the toothpaste business with Hooper as 
her mascot.
	Dannysmartful died under the chandelier.
	The Giant of the Cactus became ruler of the desert snakes.

The End