The Story of Dannysmartful By Dannysmartful Hi, my name is Dannysmartful. I don't normally wear socks on my hands, but for this occasion I thought it would be necessary. Please do not interrupt until the story is finished. Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm normally not this polite, either. I do not know who my parents are, because as far as I can remember I lived at a monastery in Teshi, which is very, very Far West of Bulvaria. I was taught their ways of life through the religious literature. At the age of seven, they felt that my knowledge should be expanded and they took me to a library. Within two years, I consumed every book within the library's walls. Not literally. I was then sent to the Academy of Chicagle, in Bulvaria. When my age reached double digits (ten) I became an immediate council member at the Academy because of my intelligence. At my first council meeting, I walked in and was surrounded by grey-hared old fogies... I was the youngest among them. I was extremely nervous. No one spoke to me, and everyone stared. I was very out of place. Then they asked me my opinion on the topic of water pollution. I stood and said, "At the current rate of pollution, our city's water will be filled with algae, because fish are dying, and they cannot keep it under control. I propose that a filtration system be implemented above the rivers and aqueducts in Bulvaria. This system will be made up of a screen to filter out grass and large animals, then the water will be directed through a sand filtration unit. The water will continue to run into our local bathes and wells. With this method, the algae will be filtered out, so ladies won't freak out when they are hit by slimy green plants." The council members were astonished, and their mouths dropped open. The council leader said, "Thank you. What was your name again?" "Dannysmartful." "Well, Dannysmartful, we feel that at this time you shall continue to play a role in this community, because of Bulvarian Law: Scroll sixteen, section three, paragraph seven through nine says that 'Council personnel may not be chosen until proper age." Astonished, my reply was, "And what age is that, sir?" "Eighteen. Come back in eight years." I then found myself sitting on the Academy steps. The heavy wooden doors slammed behind me, their impact so great they blew me from my seat and onto the pavement. Staring at the ground, I admired the fine marblework until I noticed a shadow pass over me. I looked up and saw a girl about the same age as me, with shoulder-length red hair and brown eyes. "Hi, my name's Chili. Give me your money." I stood up, and said, "No." I proceeded to talk to her about rudeness, and that she could have helped me up. She then stuck her tongue out at me, and I returned the favor. She shouted, "I'd better bring you to Daddy. You're mean!" Grabbing me by the nose, she pulled me across Chicagle to her home. "Daddy, look at what I found lying on the street!" the girl yelled. Her father, a burly, large man, glared at me. "Do you have a name, young man?" "Yes." "What?" "Yes." "You're name's yes?" "No, but I have a name." "What is it?" "Dannysmartful." "Good Cernos! Are you one of those Fedling children?" "No, I'm not a Fedling child! I give my money to the temple." "Yeah, he won't give me money, Dad," Chili interjected. "He didn't?" "Nope." I grabbed Chili's wrist and yanked her hand off my nose. Straightening, I looked right into her father's eyes. "I didn't, and I won't, because she did not ask politely. She needs to grow up and act like a lady." Chili's father laughed. "This from a ten-year-old!" I looked around the house and noticed that Chili and her dad were living in very unsanitary conditions. "Why do you live here?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Chili replied, "Because Daddy's hiding from the cops. They want our overdue library books, but if we turn them in, they'll charge us so much we'll be broke!" Looking down, I noticed a pile of books on the floor. I picked them up, and proceeded to walk out the door. "Where are you going?" I heard the father yell after me. "You're not going to turn us in, are you?" "No. I'm going to return them and pay the fine." And I proceeded to walk away. Distantly, I heard her father say, "You'd better follow him, Chili, and make sure he doesn't try anything funny." When I reached the library, the guard asked me for some identification, because there were a lot of free-floaters running around with library books. "I have no identification. I'm under eighteen," I protested. "Yeah, right. I bet you're some midget trying to steal the books. Stand by the wall so I can search you." "No, wait! I can explain!" Chili walked up behind the guard as he backed me into the wall, and in a blur of motion knocked him head over heels, at the same time taking a few choice items from his pockets. "Let's go!" she screamed. "What about the library books?" "Leave 'em on the steps." With that, she grabbed my wrist and we darted down the street, running into carts and knocking over horses. And then another burly guard grabbed us both by the necks. "You dirty, good for nothing book thieves!" "What's your definition of dirty?" I asked as calmly as I could, while trying to pry the other man's hands from my neck. "Dirty is you, you scum!" "And what is scum?" "Scum is you, you dirty, rotten--" Chili caught him by surprise and pushed him over. "I'll draw his fire; you grab his wallet!" "But isn't that wrong?" The guard stood. "Hurry! Hey, fatso, look at me!" Another guard ran over and shouted, "Gym, your wallet's missing!" "Duh?" the guard commented intelligently. He smacked me on the head with his club. Annoyed, I passed out. "Look, he's waking up." "What an idiot; being beaten like that." "Shut up, Leinis. He's just ten." "So?" "Wha... what happened?" I asked, dazed. I blinked my eyes, and noticed two luminous people standing over me. "You almost got yourself killed," the man said helpfully. "Are you feeling alright, Dannysmartful?" the woman asked as she helped me up. "No, I'm not. I have a head injury." I sat back down. Groaning, I put my head in my hands, when I realized that I wasn't on the street. In fact, I was in the parallel universe between the conscious and the unconscious. It was all so clear. Wow. "Hey, you're Ariel and Leinis aren't you? Give me my key back! I want to save Chili!" I demanded. "No," the man named Leinis replied. "What do you mean, 'no'?! I want it back! It's my right!" Ariel laughed. "My, you're quick. We can't give it back yet because you are a... how should I put this?... wimp. Besides, you're only ten." "What? I have to train now? Knowledge is power, and I have plenty of that. Give me my key!" Leinis and Ariel went to the side and started whispering. I marveled at how they glowed with an inner light; everything else in this place was dark. I wasn't even sure if I could go anywhere else. So I stepped out of the light and into the darkness. I felt as though I was suspended in air. Fascinated, I walked back and eavesdropped on the two gods. "At least five years. He's got a long way to go." Leinis said. "He'll be crushed. How will we keep him here, if he's passed out on the street?" "Oh, stop time for everyone but him. It's the standard procedure, you know." Shocked, I yelled, "You can't keep me here! I want to see my lawyer!" The gods turned and looked at me. "You are staying here," Leinis said sternly. Four years passed. I trained and did everything they wanted me to, because I needed my key back. I couldn't remember why; just that it was important and would save Chili. Most of the training had to do with swordsmanship. Leinis hit me upside the head. "That's not fair!" I complained. "I wasn't ready." "It doesn't matter; you'd be dead by now. I told you to keep up your guard," Leinis said calmly. Annoyed, I slashed at his head with my sword. Four years have been kind to me, I suppose... after all, it wasn't like I was malnourished or anything. And constant training kept me in excellent shape. Leinis ducked without much trouble and looked at me innocently. I hate it when he does that; he's a god, how can I possibly beat him? 'Beat me and you can leave,' he said. Right. I decided to try something differently, though. Holding my sword with both hands, I threw it at the god. Naturally, he ducked again, but I was ready for that. I rushed over and bopped him in the nose, which I followed with a quick kick. "You... you're going to keep me here forever, aren't you?" I screamed as I slapped his ears. "I can't possibly beat you. I'm going to stay here forever, until I die, while everyone else stays young!" I punched him in the stomach. "It's just not fair!!" Leinis smiled and fell over as Ariel popped in. "Dannysmartful, what did you do to my brother?" she snapped. I grabbed my sword and stood in guard position. "I want to save Chili. I want out of here. I want my key back!" "Settle down and talk to me like a civilized mortal. Just one more year; you need to learn how to use your key. It's more difficult to use than the rest of them." I growled and glared at both of them. Nine months later, and I was still in that awful place. I should have known better than to trust them. "Dannysmartful, pay attention," Ariel said. I looked back at my teacher. "As I was saying," she continued, "the human mind is the hardest to tap into. Such an act will severely drain your energy. However, animals are much easier to understand." I cleared my throat. "I have a question. Can I manipulate the key's power to bring everyone into my mind instead?" "You're talking suicide, Dannysmartful. Not only will you die, everyone else there may die as well." "Oh, great. What good is this key? I should stick to basket weaving." Ariel slammed a ruler down on her desk. "You have three months left. Before you go, you must learn teleportation, levitation, psi blocks, light shields, how to channel power through your sword, memory erasure, telling time (you would have forgotten by now)... are you writing this down?" "Why? I know exactly what you were saying. Please continue." Ariel rattled through about forty-five more items which I won't bore you with. "If you don't learn all of this," she said, "We will keep you here for another year! Do you understand?" "Of course I understand. I'm the smartest person in the world." On the last day, I asked Ariel and Leinis what we were going to do. "Nothing. We'll just give you the key and your sword." Leinis held out a silver sword and gold hand guard. Grateful to them for the first time, I put the hand guard on the sword and held it up. I felt like a legendary hero named Link. A bolt of lightning struck me down. After getting up and coughing a bit of smoke, I turned to Ariel, who held out my key. It was brass and had three holes at the eye, with a thick silver chain looped in the center hole. "Here," she said as she fastened the key around my neck. "It is your right." The key glowed white, and for a while I was afraid it would electrocute me like the lightning did. Instead, it settled down and I sighed. "Can I go now?" "Sure. Leinis, undo time. See you around, Dannysmartful," Ariel said sadly. "I'll miss having a mortal to torture... ah, I mean teach." "Don't get killed by any chandeliers," Leinis advised, "and we trained you, so you're working for us now. You're part of a group called The Magic Few." "Do I get a salary?" "Well, kind of. Here." He tossed me a small pouch filled with gold pesos. "Get out of this stupid situation, and wait for the other TMF members." I nodded, and could feel myself returning. I stood in front of the guard, who didn't seem so big anymore. "Who're you?" he grunted, "and where's the little squirt who took my wallet?" I looked in my hands and saw the pouch and the sword. Dazed, I felt my neck and found the key. So it wasn't a dream. Chili screamed. "What did you do to Dannysmartful? Are you his brother or something?!" "Oh come on, Chili. I had to leave to save you." "Hey, I can take care of myself," she protested, folding her arms in front of her chest. "Bobo, grab her!" Gym yelled as he grabbed me by the wrist. I quickly tripped the annoying guard over and knocked him unconscious with the flat of my sword. Hopefully, Leinis and Ariel would see to it that he gets properly trained and goes through a hundred years of their unique brand of torture. "Help!" Chili shouted. I ran at Bobo, who put his hand on my forehead as I lashed at him with my sword. Chili was being held by the burly guard, and bit him in the arm. "Ow! You little rat!" he yelled as he dropped Chili. She kicked him in the shins and then... um... ow, that hurt. I won't mention it. It's too horrible. Like the wind, we sprinted back to Chili's house, only to see her dad packing all of their belongings in a cart. "We've got to get out of here. They caught us!" "Okay, daddy. Would you like to come, Dannysmartful's older brother?" Chili asked sweetly. "I knew that Dannysmartful was up to no good. He deserted you, didn't he?" "Well," I interrupted, "um... actually, my name's... uh... DSF?" "Whatever. Coming?" "No. See these gods told me to..." "That's nice. Come on, Chili!" With that, the man grabbed Chili and stuck her in an oversized soup pot filled with old rags. He took the reigns of the stolen horse, and they sped off into the sunset. Sighing, I walked into Chili's old house and claimed it my own. They left many things behind (most of it probably stolen) and after making the place livable I went into the marketplace and bought a sheath for my sword. Buckling it around my waist, I started searching Chicagle for the other TMF members.