I listen to people.  I have a lot of experience with it, as I 
volunteered at a hospice.  They tell me their life stories as they lay 
in bed, ever glad for the company.  I listen to them recall what has 
happened to them... some things with fondness, others with sorrow.  
Embarrassing situations with honest laughter, difficult times with wry 
humor, and I wonder how they manage to do it.  I'm envious of them, I 
suppose, and their ability to let things pass.

	It doesn't work that way for me.  People say that wounds fade 
over time, that eventually the hurt will become a distant dream.  But 
that isn't the case with me... every memory comes back as fresh as the 
day it happened.  I'm not saying I have an exceptional memory, because 
that isn't the case.  Places, names, even faces... they can all blur.  
But the feeling -- the raw emotion -- is always there.  Waiting, 
lurking, for when I decide to reminisce.

	Don't get me wrong; it's not all bad.  Sometimes it's a wonderful 
gift, as I can feel joyous and content easily enough, with the right 
recollection.  But other times... other times I wish it wasn't the 
case, I wish I could bury my emotions deep, deep within me or wash them 
away.  I'll never be able to do that, though.  Not to the extent that 
others find so easy.  I suppose it's just the way I am, and the way I 
always will be.

* * * * *

Wings of Fate
Chapter 9.3: Know She Breaks
By Ardweden

Created by John Evans and Ardweden

* * * * *

	I was worried.

	Okay, I was *very* worried.  It had been two days since I saw 
Judou last.  I didn't go back to the hospice, even though I knew the 
people over there were overworked and counting on me.  There simply 
weren't enough volunteers.  But... I couldn't go.  I would be more of a 
hindrance than a help, what with how upset I was. I wasn't in the best 
state of mind.  Or at least, that's what I told myself.

	So I waited.  For what, I wasn't sure.  For something to happen, 
I suppose.  *Anything* to happen.  I was constantly on my guard, 
jumping at the slightest noise or movement out of the corner of my eye.  
You may think it's silly, but the fear and desolation... it was all 
very real.

  I didn't know who was after us or why, I didn't know where or when or 
how they'd appear, or even *if* they'd appear.  And I was alone.  A 
perfect target.

	I wanted... no, I needed company.  So badly that it was eating me 
up inside.  And the worry... oh, I wanted Judou there then.  Judou and 
Shuukou and Kenchi and even Soshi, if he was of mind to show up.  But 
most of all, I wanted Judou.  He could always make me smile, make light 
of such horrid situations, and I wanted to make sure he was all right.  
I tried calming down, reminding myself that it was two days, only two 
days.

	But it was two days alone, two days fearing for my life, two days 
*without* him.  I tried calling every waking hour, and he didn't pick 
up once.  For two days.  I'm sure you understand why this upset me.  
I... I... they could have taken him and done anything they wanted to 
him and I didn't know if he was okay and-

	It's okay.  I'm calming down.

	At any rate, I was taking a frozen dinner out of the microwave.  
I know how to cook, but at the time I was much too agitated to do much 
of anything.  I was shaking at that point, my mind plagued with fear 
and worry for Judou.  So I'm sure you can understand why, when the 
doorbell rang, my food fell to the floor.  I made no effort to pick up 
my chicken dinner; instead, I rushed to the door, and in a fit of 
childishness did my best to peek through the peephole without the 
person outside being able to peep back.

	It was Judou.  Relief washed over me, relief and no small amount 
of giddiness, as I opened the door.  "Akari," he greeted, and I knew 
something was wrong just by his voice, but at the time I didn't care.  
I hugged him and held him, and didn't want to let him go.  He was okay, 
so everyone else had to be okay, and I didn't need to worry about it 
anymore...

	"Akari," he repeated, firmer this time.  I realized that I 
actually giggled in reality instead of just in my mind, and I felt my 
face burning as I let go, taking care to avoid eye contact.

  "We have to get going."

	I blinked and, unable to resist the temptation, looked at his 
face.  He looked just as haggard as I felt, which was no small feat, as 
at that point I was in a state of mental and emotional exhaustion.  I 
had managed to keep myself on edge for a good two days, and I was about 
ready to collapse.  But I couldn't yet.  "Go where?" I asked, 
innocently enough.

	"Kenchi's place."  He took my wrist and practically yanked me out 
of my apartment and down the hall, talking on the way.  I wasn't in the 
mood to fight it, so I simply listened, as I knew Judou wouldn't 
intentionally harm me.  For all his tricks, I trusted him.  "There's 
been lots of trouble.  The forest caught on fire, and-"

	"The forest?" I interrupted.  I shook my head, my eyes widening.  
Despite Judou's prediction earlier, I still thought the forest was 
probably our safest bet.  It was green and wild, and Shuukou guarded it 
so ferociously... "Is Shuukou all right?"

	Judou was silent.  He continued walking in those hurried steps, 
but he didn't reply.  I felt something settle in my chest: something 
cold and hard and almost metal, and my eyes widened as I prepared for 
the worst.  We made it to the parking garage, where Judou opened his 
door before he responded.  "I don't know."

	"You don't know?!"  I think my voice almost cracked at that 
point.  Judou made hushing gestures and turned on the car before I 
caught myself and climbed in.  He pulled out, and I vaguely noticed 
that his driving was sub-standard, but I was a little too distracted to 
do anything about it.

	"She's alive," he assured me.  "She's burned, but I think you can 
heal her."

	"Thank goodness."  I smiled.  His eyes twitched once in my 
direction, then fixed themselves on the road again.  He was hiding 
something from me, I was pretty sure, but at the moment I didn't care.  
So long as my friends were safe, it didn't matter.  Whoever that was 
after us could wait.

	"So, how are things?" Judou asked in a desperate attempt to 
strike up idle conversation.  "I haven't seen you in a while."

	I winced.  How does someone answer a question like that?  Oh, I'm 
fine, I was just afraid of you being killed or captured by whoever's 
out to get us.  Nothing's wrong, really, I was just jumping at the 
threats that weren't quite there.  I'm okay, but my microwave dinner is 
all over my nice kitchen floor...  Compared to Shuukou's forest burning 
down, all my troubles seemed pale.  "Fine," I said hoarsely.  I 
coughed, clearing my throat.  "I've been fine."

	"Are you sure?"  He looked at me again out of the corner of his 
eye.

	"Yeah."  I gave him my sunniest smile; well, the sunniest one I 
could manage at the time.  "Nothing happened, really."  Don't worry 
about me.

	I don't know if he was convinced or not, but I think the smile 
did relax him.  "Good, at least one of us has been doing well."  I 
wanted to laugh at that remark, I really did.  I was filled with this 
bitter laughter just waiting to burst out, but I held it back.  I was 
glad he seemed a little less tense, though, and the rest of the car 
ride passed in silence, with me dozing off in my seat.

	"Thanks."

	"Wha?"  I snapped awake, and blinked at Judou, who was smiling at 
me.  From that angle, with the odd shadow the dusk cast on him, he 
looked so incredibly avian...  I wonder, now, how all of us save Soshi 
could have missed it, as his nature affects everything he does.  "What 
for?"

	"For being you," he said simply.  He unbuckled his seatbelt and 
got out of the car.

	I blinked, then got out myself.  To this day, I don't know why he 
said that.  I didn't do anything, really, just tried not to look like 
an idiot, and still he thanks me for being me.  I mean, I'm not that 
wonderful a person at all.  I have my faults, and I do dislike people 
and treat them unfairly.  I lie and deceive at times, and I don't think 
I'm that good at hiding it.  Am I?  I mean... I can be so incredibly 
selfish at times, and I want to give back to people, but just like in 
the situation with the hospice, I couldn't overcome my own problems to 
help those in need.

	But that's not really the point right now.  Judou reached the 
door first, as would be expected, and he opened it.  My stomach tumbled 
with unease, getting worse with each step I took up the walkway to 
Kenchi's front door.  Something was wrong.  I could feel it.

	I took a cautious step in and looked around.  Not a thing was out 
of place, but that feeling simply wouldn't go away.  "Where are they?" 
I asked Judou, fighting to keep my voice above a whisper.

	"We should probably see Soshi first.  He was injured the worst."  
I nodded and followed Judou to the living room, all the while trying to 
calm my nerves.  But they wouldn't listen, and the more I tried to calm 
myself, the worse the feeling got.

	We reached the entrance to the living room, and I was so 
preoccupied with the feeling of dread that I ran into Judou.  "Why did 
you stop like that?  Judou?"  He gave no indication that he noticed me.  
Instead, he stared ahead, as if he were in a trance.  I poked him in 
the side, something that usually at least gets him to jump, but he 
gently brushed my hand away.

	He turned to look at me, and his eyes were wide with... horror.  
"Go find Kenchi.  Now," he ordered.

	"No," I protested.  The feeling was almost unbearable then.  I 
wanted to run outside and breathe the breeze, but I couldn't.  I had to 
know what was happening in that room.

	"Really.  We have to go," Judou began, taking hold of my arms.  
In a sudden burst of strength, I tore myself from his grip and pushed 
past him.

	I stopped halfway in.  Soshi, covered with some of the most awful 
burns I've seen on a person, on the floor with Philippe, hands locked 
around his neck and squeezing for all he was worth.  And he was 
laughing.  *Laughing*.  But it wasn't normal, healthy laughter, or 
bitter laughter, or even that mocking laughter Soshi loved so much.  It 
was triumphant and desperate and primal if laughter could be such a 
thing.

	I wanted to look away.  But it was like watching a car accident; 
no matter how horrifying it is, we manage to find some fascination with 
it anyway.  And then Soshi... his hands tightened around Philippe's 
neck even more, and there was a grunt of effort, and a snap, and a low 
gurgle.

	And Philippe's neck was... hanging... at an unnatural angle, 
and... and I know I always disliked him, but I never knew him.  Ever.  
I've never taken the time and the effort to get to know him, I never 
found out just who he was.  I guess I figured that if I wanted to know 
him, then I would, given time.

	But time ran out.  And I realized that I'd never, ever know him 
because of it.  Because Soshi killed him.  Because we now had murder on 
our hands.

	When that revelation came to me, I started screaming.  My eyes 
filled with tears and I was shaking with fear and rage and loss, and I 
think I was talking about other things, but I don't remember what they 
were.  I don't think Judou could have understood me even if he tried.  
It was... oh, it was horrible and terrifying.  Murder.  This wasn't 
some stupid shadow beast, this was a human, a person, and... and a 
possible friend, I guess.

	And he was dead.  And we were responsible.  Oh, don't try to tell 
me it was all Soshi's doing.  *We* were in this together, and we were 
going to get out of it together.  I think all of us, even Shuukou, knew 
that there was no way we would survive on our own.  *That* realization 
hit, and I crumpled to the floor.

	We killed him.  *Killed*.  Murderers, scum, I promised myself 
never to help or facilitate the killing of human beings, only to 
promote life, and then this happened, and I didn't know what to do so I 
didn't do anything.  I cried out and screamed and thrashed and then 
someone was shaking me, I couldn't tell who, my vision was so blurred 
with tears.  I don't believe I was thinking rationally at the time.  I 
don't remember; it's all a whirlwind of emotions, strong ones.

	But I remember someone else yelling, and I don't know how I heard 
him over my own sorrow.  And then I was slapped in the face.

	I looked up, hand to my stinging cheek and dazed, at Judou.  He 
lowered his hand.  "Get a hold of yourself, Akari," he said.  "There's 
time for that later."

	I nodded as I tried to fight down the bile that threatened to 
rise past my throat.  Standing shakily, I spotted Kenchi, who somehow 
managed to pull Philippe from Soshi's grip and was laying him on the 
floor.  Almost against my will, I looked over at Soshi.

	He was surrounded by a blackness, a shadow, oozing in and out of 
him, occasionally flaring out.  I ran to his side; his breathing was 
ragged, and his face one of intense concentration.  The blackness was 
flowing upwards, enveloping his upper body, and I placed my hands on 
his forehead.  I wasn't going to let this thing kill him.

	I admit it.  I disliked Soshi.  It's not something I'm proud of, 
since he really didn't do anything to create that dislike.  He never 
*did* anything to me.  He never even said much.  Just... stood there.  
There was something about his presence, about his smirk... but that 
still isn't a good enough reason to dislike someone.  Perhaps he 
couldn't help it.  I didn't know.

	And if he died, I would never know.  I closed my eyes and 
concentrated on his body, forcing my will in.  There were burns and 
cuts and bruises almost too numerous to count, not to mention extensive 
damage to the eyes, but I wasn't interested in those just yet.  But 
then I found it.  The foreign influence.

	There were two, actually.  One was a spell that was fading very 
quickly; I left it alone, as while there didn't seem to be anything 
particularly beneficial about it, it wasn't malevolent either.  But the 
other was dark and hateful and filled with purpose.  I extended to it, 
almost afraid to touch it but sure that if I didn't, it would succeed 
in whatever it was doing.  It looked like... I don't know how to 
describe it, but it looked like smoke, very dark smoke, trying to get 
through some sort of barrier.  But Soshi's mind, I think, wasn't so 
easy to penetrate, and it was having some difficulty.

	It didn't notice me; it was so busy with its task, that I was 
able to reach out and grab it, touch it.  It writhed and squealed, 
filling my head with horrid sounds.  I winced and held on tighter, and 
it continued with an assault on all five senses, terrible images I 
don't desire to go into, engraining them in my brain.  Some of them... 
no.  No, not now.  Just... I knew fear and hatred and terror and loss 
and anger and sorrow all in one moment, one long moment where I could 
do nothing but soak it in.  It continued protesting, becoming more and 
more frantic, and I clamped down on it.  I forced more of my will into 
Soshi, pinning the shadow thing down, filling it with light.

	And it was gone.  I might have snuffed it out, but its struggling 
was so strong...  I was fairly sure it managed to flee somewhere.  I 
took a slow, shaky breath; my breathing was very heavy, and I was 
sweating and shaking.  I vaguely noticed Soshi getting up and lying on 
the couch... I don't know what possessed him to move, as his wounds 
looked awfully painful, but move he did.

	I closed my eyes, composing myself, trying not to think of the 
terrible things that have been happening, and shuffled forward, placing 
my hands on his chest.  Once again, I forced my will in, but this time 
I paid close attention to his physical wounds: speeding the healing 
process, soothing burns, closing cuts, and repairing tissue.  Things 
weren't perfect, but they were well on their way to recovery.

	And then I reached the eyes.

	They were burned... sunk into their sockets, covered with what 
must have been dried blood.  I didn't know if I could repair them, but 
I was going to try.  I concentrated all my will upon them, cutting off 
any contact with the outside world.  Slowly, meticulously, I helped 
regenerate the delicate tissue, the nerve endings.  I worked on 
repairing the membrane, the vitreous, every vital part of the eye, 
but... but I couldn't fix the pupil.  I just couldn't.  As I looked at 
him, simply looked, all he had for eyes were plain white orbs.  He 
couldn't *see* with them.

	I tried to give the pupils to him, putting more and more will 
into it, looking deeper and deeper, magnifying it more.  I felt fatigue 
setting in, and I was helpless, unbelievably helpless.  The only thing 
I was good for in our little group was to heal people, and if I 
couldn't do that then what good *was* I?  None.  So I forced in 
everything I could, extending my abilities to their limits, and I 
almost had it.  Almost.

	I collapsed onto Soshi, drifting into unconsciousness.

* * * * *

Author's Notes:

Okay.  This is late, too. @_@

I have reasons!  Really! ^_^;;  Real Life crashed down on me, and in a 
big way.  I can go into a list, if you like... just e-mail me about it; 
I don't want to bore anyone else that just might be reading this. ^_^;

But at any rate, because of these Real Life complications, I was unable 
to get to work on Wings of Fate until the night it was due.  Of course 
I, in my absent minded absent-mindedness, thought that it was due the 
next day.  Ah well.

Thankee to Mechalink, Chameleaon, Ravi, and Stephica for prereading.  
Thanks to Ravi, Phoebe, John, and Damien for encouraging me along. ^_^  
And thanks to Dan, who posted this even though it is a bit late (sorry 
about that!).

This is a *fun* story.  I was uneasy about writing a chapter (even 
though I co-wrote the starter) because I wasn't sure if I could 
continue it, but I have to say that the writing can flow wonderfully 
well in this story if you give it the chance. ^_^

Thankee for reading!

Ardweden