They arrived well before the sun arose.

Like a swarm of carrion ants, they descended upon the lush, verdant
field.  Armed to the teeth with the instruments and implements of their
trade, they set themselves to the task of transforming the
two-and-a-half mile long stretch of cherry tree-lined expanse into
something quite different.  Methodically and efficiently the pastoral
lawn gave way to the sleek steel-and-concrete marvel of modern
engineering that would house the monumental event to come.

There were many among the uninitiated who had no idea what was taking
place before their eyes.  For the majority of them, the process was
upsetting; they had traveled such a great distance so that they could
come to this very spot, so that they may come away with a feeling of
spiritual fulfillment, a sense of national pride, and a full roll of
vacation photographs.

Some raised protest, but they were quickly quieted by the cadre of
security personnel who had accompanied the workers.  Some others
attempted to sneak by the guards, but were caught in the act and
detained.  To their credit, the security crew was quite polite about the
whole thing, and directed the curious onlookers to proceed to the west.

Those who listened gathered around the towering obelisk there, staring
up in awe.  Not at its simple elegance or historic importance, but at the
man rappeling down its side.  Craning their neck and squinting against
the noon-day sun, they made out the profile of a large scroll being
attached to the side of the monolith.  

And then the banner was unfurled, and yea, the masses were pleased.  


                    *     *     *     *     *

         { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
         {      C R O S S O V E R  F I G H T I N G      }
         {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
         {                .-----------.                  }
         {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
         {                `-----------'                 }
         {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }

               |  | |    --+-- ---.  ._      
               |  | |      |   | /  | \     
               \__/ \___   |   | \  | _\    
                               +---
                 Ultra         | -       
                 REBOOT:       +---  v2.0
                               | \
                               |-<
                               |_/
                               .__
                               |  \
                               \__|
                               .__
                               |  \
                                 |
                                 |

                            Episode 47
                    Written by The HHHit Squad
           with assistance from the Blue Blaze Irregulars

- = - 

Washuu opened a door.  On the other side was a room filled with the
latest books, games, plushies, and toys... a child's paradise.  With a
clap of her hands the lights flickered on, and she stepped in, carefully
avoiding the LEGO Ifurita and Dark Schneider set (complete with power
key staff and Omega backdrop!) sitting near the doorway.  Last time she
didn't notice it, her poor foot wouldn't stop aching for a week.  

"Mary," she called.  "It's time to wake up now."  

There was a soft groan and rustling of blankets, then silence.  

Sighing, the foster mother approached the bed.  She had to admit, Mary
was almost unbearably cute, sleeping soundly in her Dan Fan pajamas and
cuddling her Voiduck plushie.  A lock of her hair fell over her face as
Washuu shook her, but she still didn't wake.  

Washuu sighed again.  She really didn't want to resort to this, but she
had a long day's work ahead of her, and waking up her "daughter" was the
first thing on the list.  It was time.  

"Coochie coochie coo!" she crowed as she unleashed the dreaded Tickle
Attack on the helpless form of Mary.  

The would-be God squealed and laughed as Washuu tickled her.  Her eyes
snapped open, and she squirmed under the covers.  "Don' wanna get up."  

With a grin, Washuu looked under the blanket.  "Rise and shine, Mary.  We
have a big day ahead of us.  I made you breakfast, and-" She frowned and
straightened.  

"Washuu-mama?" Mary blinked, pulling the covers off her head to see
Washuu glancing around the room.  "Something wrong?" 

"It's not right," she murmured in reply as she narrowed her eyes.  There.
A small camera, attached to a corner in the ceiling... the kind they'd
use for security and surveillance in Ultra.  Washuu scowled as she waved
at the camera, causing it to explode with a pop.  Not nearly as
impressive as what Lina used on a daily basis, but it worked.  

Mary stared at it.  "What was it?" 

"Nothing really important."  Washuu smiled reassuringly.  "Go brush your
teeth, okay?" 

The little girl nodded and hopped off her bed.  As she scurried to the
bathroom, Washuu frowned.  She was going to have to have a little talk
with a certain Ms.  Tendou.  

- = -

The National Mall in Washington, DC is one of the most highly visited
tourist spots in the United States.  The image of that majestic stretch
of greensward is etched within the heart and soul of every patriotic
American, and no small number of Canadians.  The gleaming white marble of
the various pools, edifices, and statuary decorating the Mall honor the
ideals upon which democracy itself was founded.  

Tonight, however, was different.  On this night the familiar sights of
the Reflecting Pool and the green lawns of the Mall have been replaced,
overrun by the strange and alien presence of a new building.  Above the
grounds between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument, a new
stadium had been erected.  Though it was only temporary, it made one
thing quite clear in the minds of those who were streaming in to fill
its seats: This was not a time to honor the hallowed heroes of
yesteryear.  

This... was a time for Ultraviolence.  

"Aaaaaaand... WE!  ARE!  LIVE!!" Hiroshi exclaimed excitedly, his foot up
on the announcer's table and fist pumped up into the air.  The already
deafening crowd roared in response, sending their cheers up into the
open air and filling the empty streets of Washington with their echoes.  

"You won't be if you don't settle down, monkeyboy," Tarou grumbled as he
casually thwapped Hiroshi across the back of the head.  He slumped back
in his chair and wiped his nose before pushing the microphone back on
the desk.  

Hiroshi sprung back up, glancing sidelong at Tarou as he rubbed his
head.  Regaining his composure, he sat down and elbowed his co-host in
the side, now grinning wildly at the camera.  "Oh, come on, Tarou!  Can't
you FEEL the EXCITEMENT?!?!" Hiroshi asked.  

"Oh, yeah.  Sorry."  Tarou made a half-hearted attempt to straighten up in
his chair and look interested.  "*ahem* Huzzah, huzzah.  Hwei, hwei."  

"I don't know why I bother," Hiroshi told the camera.  He shrugged and
continued, his voice returning to a fevered high.  "But here we are!
Welcome one and all to Ultra REBOOT version TWO POINT OH!  Tonight we
bring you seven FURIOUS and EXCITING tests of power and skill as our
eight combatants do battle for the Internet Championship belt and
bragging rights until next season!  All I can say is that this is gonna
be one HECKUVA incredible night, people!" 

Tarou rolled his eyes.  "Are you looking at the same fight card that I've
been looking at?  Unless you think watching four little girls being
beaten to a pulp by their obvious betters is *exciting*?" He paused.
"Well, actually, now that I think about it...I guess it is."  He grinned
widely as he settled back into his seat.  "I guess you are right.  This
*will* be an enjoyable night."  

Hiroshi grimaced momentarily before turning his attention back to the
camera.  "Well, certainly the fans here think so, and I just cannot
BELIEVE the audience we've got tonight, folks!" he said as he turned and
gestured wildly over the throngs of cheering fans.  "It's looking like a
veritable who's who list of Washington, DC out there!" Hiroshi shouted,
peering out into the crowd.  "Can you believe how many of these
politicians are Ultra fans?" 

Tarou took a brief respite from beating his head against the table to
turn to Hiroshi.  "Don't remind me.  I think I just saw Sandra Day
O'Connor in a Haohmaru tube top."  

"AaaaaaaaaaanyWAY!" Hiroshi exclaimed, missing only the slightest of
beats, "We've got QUITE the SHOW for you tonight!  All eight of our
fighters tonight have been working extra hard in preparing for this
battle to determine the best of the best, and as if that wasn't
enough--" 

"Weren't," Tarou interjected.  

"Huh?" Hiroshi asked, looking over at his co-host.  

"You mean 'as if that weren't enough'.  It's a conditional."  

"Work with me, Tar!" Hiroshi exuberated, flashing a winning smile at the
audience, who answered with an even louder roar of agreement.  "As I was
saying, as if that WASN'T enough, we've got not one, but *TWO* special
exhibition matches for you coming up."  

Tarou picked up his sheaf of papers and glanced down at them.  "Yeah,
FEEL the excitement.  First up is a match between Voiduck and B-ko
Daitokuji, which should be about as much fun as taking a bubble bath
with Jack Lysias and his Mr.  Ducky."  

"And in the second!" Hiroshi continued.  "We've got... we've got..."
Hiroshi trailed off.  He glanced down at his fight schedule in confusion,
then back at the camera.  "This can't be right!" 

"It is.  Last minute addition."  

"B- b- b- but you can't be serious!  This is *Ultra*!" Hiroshi stammered.
"Why would a fight like this be scheduled?  We don't need this!" 

"'Work with me, Hiro!'" Tarou parroted.  "Just read the teleprompter,
spastic boy," Tarou told him.  "It's right there in black and white."  He
frowned as Hiroshi kept complaining.  Tarou sighed and took Hiroshi's
microphone away from him.  Looking into the camera, he shrugged.  "What my
eloquent partner is *trying* to say is that we have a very special match
between our Omega champion, and a special mystery guest!" 

Hiroshi shook his head.  "Okay, okay... so it's scheduled," he finally
said calmly.  "But why?" 

"Well, this is the sort of special event the fans *deserve* for their
pay-per-view dollar," Tarou explained.  "In addition, the president
arranged for the construction and usage of this stadium.  In return, he
asked for this fight to be booked."  

"This doesn't have anything to do with Nabiki's current financial woes,
does it?" Hiroshi asked.  

"I think it has more to do with union issues," Tarou pronounced
carefully.  The tone of his voice made it very clear that Hiroshi wasn't
to continue the line of questioning any further.  Of course, Hiroshi
didn't listen.  

"Why do I get the feeling you're just echoing the party line?" Hiroshi
asked.  His eyes bugged out as Tarou's fist caught him in the gut.  "Okay,
okay... You, umm... aren't?" 

"Of course not.  Now, shall we get on with the show?" Tarou said, a glint
in his eye.  "I think we were at the rules."  Hiroshi nodded weakly.  

"The rules are the same as last time, but for those who missed them,
here they are!  The tournament is standard single-elimination; if you
lose one fight, you lose the whole competition."  

"It should be pointed out that Ultra Reboot operates under Hardcore
rules... which means anything goes."  Tarou grinned maliciously.  "Weapons
are legal, no matter how esoteric, and knock-outs are not confined to
the ring."  

"Clarifying something from last season..."  Hiroshi added, finally
straightening up fully.  "Out-of-ring assistance is frowned upon.  I know
it was something of an issue that was never answered, but this time it's
being stated up-front.  That sort of antic will get you disqualified."  

"Hopefully, those CHAOS pansies are listening," Tarou grumbled.  "I'd
really hate for them to pull that kind of stunt again, only to complain
they didn't hear us."  

Hiroshi rolled his eyes, but said nothing in response.  "There are three
rounds, and the person who wins the final match wins the Internet
Championship Belt and will receive a web shrine on the official MTCFF
Ultra web site."  

"Hopefully," Tarou added, "this season's champion will be more of a draw
than last season's.  I think Tifa's shrine got fewer hits than "The Top
Ten Reasons Treet is Better Than Spam" home page." 

"I think it was a few more than that, Tar," Hiroshi said, narrowing his
eyes.  "But enough about last season... Here are tonight's matchups!"
Hiroshi announced, gesturing up to the UltraTron.  The chart slowly
flickered into view amidst a wash of static.  

     __James_____
                 |
                 |---___???______
     __Wolverine_|               |
                                 |
     __Athena____                |---___???______
                 |               |               |
                 |---___???______|               |
     __Sagat_____|                               |
                                                 |
                                                 |
     __Sakura____                                |---___???______
                 |                               |
                 |---___???______                |
     __Lilith____|               |               |
                                 |               |
     __Marlo_____                |---___???______|
                 |               |
                 |---___???______|
     __Mousse____|


"As you can see, it'll be a LONG, HARD BATTLE all the way to the top of
the ladder!" 

Tarou chuckled.  "I really don't see why they're bothering.  It's pretty
obvious who's going to take the belt.  Sagat and Wolverine might have the
outside shot, but it's clearly Miss Tendou's champ, Marlo, who's going
to take home the belt."  

"I seem to recall you saying something similar last season..."  Hiroshi
mentioned snidely.  He almost elbowed Tarou again, but something in the
larger boy's eyes made him decide that doing so would get him hurt.  The
fact that Tarou had crushed his microphone while clenching his fist
helped Hiroshi come to this decision, of course.  "Aaaanyway, all of our
fighters have been hard in preparation for this tournament.  Let's check
in on them!" he said, looking up at the UltraTron.  

The tournament ladder faded out, to be replaced by a very familiar face.

"Hiiiiii!" a cheery and perky voice called out from the speakers
throughout the stadium.  

"Hiiiii!" the audience called back.  

Sana bounced onto the UltraTron.  "I'm Sana Kurata, reporting live from
outside Athena's dressing room!  We're gonna find out all sorts of stuff
about her fighting today, 'cause I'm interviewing her!  This'll be so
cool!  I never got to be a reporter before.  Anyway, here we go!"  And with
that, the child star knocked on the door.  

Nobody answered.  

"That's funny," she mused, and knocked again.  

Still no answer.  

Sana pouted.  "She's s'posed to be here!  This is no fun.  Open open open
open open!"  And she banged on the door.  When no answer was given the
third time, she stomped her foot in childish frustration, grabbed the
doorknob, and yanked.  

It opened.  It was Athena's dressing room, all right... though said
combatant was nowhere to be found.  

"Huh."  Sana blinked.  "Well, I won't stop until we find out all about all
the blood and guts and gore Athena's gonna dish out today!"  After
powerposing, she proceeded to rudely barge in, look around for a bit,
and blink at the funny yellow door near a back corner.  "I don't think
that's standard.  Is it?" she addressed the cameraman.  He shrugged.  

"Oh well!  Maybe she's in there."  Running over to the door, she knocked.
"Hello!  Anybody home?" 

Predictably enough... well, you can guess what happened.  

"Argh!  Let me in let me in let me IN!" Sana wailed as she pounded on the
poor defenseless door.  She fell forward and landed, face to the ground.  

"Hi!  Can Nuku Nuku help you?" Nuku Nuku cheerfully addressed the
cameraman.  He shrugged again and pointed at Sana.  "Ano..."  The
cat-girl-android blinked at Sana's prone form.  "What are you doing down
there?" 

Sana popped up from the ground.  "Hi, I'm Sana Kurata, reporting live to
the UltraStadium!  Is Athena home?" 

Nuku Nuku just blinked again.  "Ara?  You're in that show Papa-san and
Ryuunosuke-kun likes so much, aren't you?" 

Sana grinned.  "You mean Child's Toy, right?  Yup!  That's me!"  She
powerposed.  "Sana-chan, at your service!"  

"Wai!"  Nuku Nuku grabbed both of Sana's hands and started shaking them
wildly.  "Can Nuku Nuku have your autograph?  It'd make them so happy!"  

"Sure!"  Sana whipped out a picture of her and signed it, then handed it
to Nuku Nuku.  The catgirl's eyes widened as stars filled them.  

"Thank you!  Nuku Nuku's very grateful!"  She enveloped Sana in a huge
hug.  "Thank you thank you thank you!"  

"Welcome!" Sana replied with a smile as soon as she squirmed free.  "Have
you seen Athena?  I gotta interview her."  

"Uh huh!  Athena-san's getting ready to play!  Nuku Nuku will take you to
her."  Nuku Nuku took one of Sana's hands and yanked her in.  The
cameraman followed, running and barely keeping up with the hyperactive
catgirl.  

"Wheeeeee!" Sana enthused as she whizzed through the hallways.  "This is
just like the racecar training I had at Komawari!" 

And then... Nuku Nuku skidded to a halt.  The folks in the stadium and at
home were treated to a nice view of the beige ceiling of of the section
of Washuu's lab that had been set aside for the CyberGrrlz as the
cameraman bumped into Nuku Nuku.  He bounced off the catgirl in his
attempts to slow down and landed on his back.  "Here!" Nuku Nuku
announced proudly as the cameraman sat up.  

"Yay!  Isn't this great?" Sana asked the camera.  "I know it looks just
like an ordinary room, but there's Athena!"  She pointed forward and
bounced off.  

Nuku Nuku helped the cameraman up.  "Nuku Nuku likes Sana-chan.  She's
fun!"  After pausing to give him (and the audience) a big smile, she ran
off.  By the time the camera was once again focused on Sana, she was
already interviewing away.  

"So are you gonna make him spill his guts?  Huh huh?" Sana shoved the
microphone in Athena's face.  The Psycho Soldier looked mildly annoyed at
this disturbance in her warm-up.  

"We'll see.  What happens happens."  She tilted her head for a moment,
blinked, then shook it.  "Sagat has it coming to him, though."  She
grinned cockily.  

"And are you gonna have lots of blood?  I know losing your own blood
would be bad, unless it was fake blood, but it's really cool!  We got to
use fake blood in Komawari once when we were practicing horror and
drama!  I got to have a seizure.  Here, hold this for me."  Sana shoved her
microphone into Athena's hands as she fell to the ground, twitched
spastically, and feigned unconsciousness.  

"Cute kid, isn't she?" Athena murmured almost inaudibly.  She nodded to
herself.  "Frightening, too."  

"So!"  Sana was back on her feet.  "Blood?" 

Athena smiled slightly.  "Maybe?" 

"Wai!  You know, the funny thing about fake blood is that it feels really
icky a lot of the times, even if it looks a lot like real blood.  And it
smells a lot like tomatoes.  I wonder why is that?" She shoved the
microphone back in Athena's face.  

The Lambda fighter couldn't help but laugh.  "Probably because there's
tomatoes in it."  

"Wow, you're smart!  I think I want to do a horror drama when I'm not
working for Ultra.  That'd be fun, don't you think so?  Maybe you can be
in it!  We can have cheerleaders!"  Suddenly, Sana was holding a pair of
pompons, and she started dancing and waving them in the air.  "Rah!  Rah!
Rah!"  

"Um.  Athena-neesan?" 

Sana stopped and blinked at the young girl wearing a yellow sundress
standing in the doorway.  Said girl ran up to the target of the
interview.  "Athena-neesan, I came to say good luck on your fight."  

Athena smiled and ruffled the girl's already mussed hair.  "Thanks, Mary.
Sie thanks you, too."  

Mary giggled, then blinked.  "You have two souls.  I think you're only
supposed to have one."  She looked up at Athena with large, expressive
eyes.  "Want me to fix it?" 

"Wait *what*?  Souls?  That's silly!  You shouldn't be able to do something
like that unless you had a soul remover, maybe, or God's divine favor,
but nobody knows who God is anymore, if there is one, and-" 

Athena ignored Sana as she closed her eyes and consulted inwardly.
Opening them, she nodded.  Mary smiled as she put her tiny hand before
Athena's chest, a soft, white glow emanating from it.  

"So maybe the Buddhists are right, or the Hindus, or something!  Maybe
there is no God!  Who knows?  Maybe there's Zeus, too, he's supposed to be
really big and hurl lightning bolts and stuff, but maybe-" 

A brilliant, multicolored wisp of light, unspeakably beautiful, appeared
before Mary's hand.  She smiled sweetly and held it carefully in both
hands.  Athena shook her head in an attempt to orient herself, then
leaned heavily against the wall.  "Don't worry, Athena-neesan," Mary
assured her.  "I promise I'll put it where it belongs."  

"And we really just don't know!" Sana finished.  She turned to Mary,
noticing the streams of light coming from between her fingers.  "Whatcha
holdin'?" 

Mary opened her cupped hands just a crack to show her.  Sana's eyes
widened.  "Wow.  That's pretty.  How'd you get that?" 

Before Mary could answer, Washuu walked into the room.  "Just what is
going on here?" 

"I removed the extra soul, Washuu-mama."  Mary beamed at her foster
mother proudly.  

Washuu tittered nervously, glancing at the camera.  "Playing Kasumi
again, I see."  She grabbed Mary by the arm and shrugged at the
cameraman.  "Kids say the darnedest things.  C'mon, Mary, we've got some
important work to do!" With that, she ushered her out of the room.  

Sana blinked at the pair, then shrugged and turned back to Athena.
"Anyway, Athena-san, if you were-" Shrill beeping filled the air,
causing Athena and the cameraman to cover their ears and wince.  "Wah!
We're out of time!" Sana shouted over the beeping as she pressed random
buttons on her watch.  "Back to you, Hiroshi and Tarou!" 

And the UltraTron went black.  Hiroshi straightened up.  "And we're back!
Thanks to Sana-chan, we got an interesting perspective on Athena
Asamiya, one half of the Psycho Soldiers!" 

"It would be interesting, if Sana asked anything useful," Tarou
grumbled.  "As it is, that just wasted five minutes of our time."  

Hiroshi opened his mouth to retort, but at Tarou's glare, clapped a hand
over it.  The cursed bishounen smirked.  

"Right," Tarou continued.  "You're right."  He looked at his watch.  "It
was only four minutes and thirty-seven seconds of our time.  Thank you,
Sana-chan, for being so... efficient!" 

"Mmmph!" Hiroshi stated, before biting down on Tarou's hand.  "Anyway!"
he said, scooting away from his very angry co-host.  He held up a hand,
gesturing for Tarou to stand back.  "I have a very important question to
ask you right now, Tarou... and I need a completely honest answer.  Do
you think you can do that for me?  

Tarou eyed Hiroshi warily.  "And what, exactly, is it that you want to
ask?" 

"Oh, nothing major," Hiroshi said, smiling slightly.  He slowly reached a
hand behind his back.  "I was just wondering..."  

"Yeah?" 

"ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ULTRAVIOLENCE!!!" he screamed, whipping out a
megaphone.  Tarou flew back and clapped his hands over his ears, nearly
deafened.  

All around the UltraStadium, the speakers squealed and protested as they
overloaded.  Of course, you couldn't hear them over the resounding cheers
of the thousands of fans.  

Hiroshi chuckled.  "I'll take that as a 'Yes'.  Well, Tarou, shall we?"
Tarou snarled as he climbed back into his chair.  "Great!" Hiroshi
replied.  "Let's get this show on the road!"  He gestured expansively at
the ramp at the far end of the stadium.  

Blue smoke gushed out of the stage entrance, cascading across down the
ramp.  Loud guitar music roared out of the speakers, punctuated by the
burst of flares.  From out of the mists appeared a tall, muscular figure
dressed in blue and yellow.  

Wolverine strode heavily down the ramp and stopped at its foot.  Looking
out over the crowd, he crossed his arms and smirked.  Confidently, he ran
the rest of the way down the aisle.  Arriving at ringside, he leaped into
the air and landed squarely inside the ring.  Walking to the center, he
raised a single gloved fist into the air.  The audience cheered their
support.  "Let's get this over with!" he cried out.  "Bring 'im on!" 

"And it looks like Wolverine is NOT going to let his recent humiliation
at the hands of Morrigan get him down!" Hiroshi announced.  "He looks
confident, poised, and ready to take all comers!" 

"More than that, buddy boy.  It looks like he's ready to tear James into
RIBBONS."  He grinned as Wolverine's claws popped up into the air with a
loud slicing noise.  

Hiroshi paled.  "He's wearing live blades?  Th- th- th- that's overkill!" 

"No, Hiroshi," Tarou said.  "It's *hardcore*."  

Hiroshi could only nod mutely.  

"Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this is going to be
very short and very ugly," Tarou predicted with a sneer.  "Let's get the
challenger out here!"

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 QUARTERFINAL MATCH #1
][ JAMES v WOLVERINE
][ FIGHT!!

Throughout the stadium, the lights died out.  The dim bulbs along the
ramp and the signs illuminating the exits confirmed that this was in
fact intentional, and not the fault of a blown fuse.  The crowd went
silent, waiting in eager anxiety.  

Spontaneously, the still night air was pierced as the cry of two hundred
and twenty eight voices made themselves heard.  "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"
the House Republicans shouted in chorus.  

"AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!" the House Democrats cried back in response, all
two hundred eleven of them.  The distinguished gentleman from Vermont
also chipped in, not wanting to be left out.  

As one the entire congregation rose to their feet in screams and
cheering.  Three spotlights snapped on in rapid succession, one after
another.  Weaving around the stadium, the circles of lights danced about
wildly.  The crowd grew louder and louder, chanting "ROCKET!  ROCKET!"
over and over.  

The three spots suddenly converged upon a single location, illuminating
the top of the Washington Monument.  From the peak of the large marble
obelisk, a white-clad figure stood, fist pumped triumphantly into the
air.  

From five-hundred fifty-five feet (and five-eighths inches!) above the
screaming fans, James waved.  The cameras zoomed in on him, displaying
him proudly upon the screen of the UltraTron's, even larger and more
dramatic than before -- if such a thing were possible.  His uniform was
crisp, gleaming in pristine white and brilliant red.  His traditionally
black boots, belt, and gloves were gone, replaced with deep navy blue
and capped with a snappy helmet.  It wasn't James of Team Rocket who
stood before the masses... it was Patriot James. 

In the ring, Wolverine stopped pacing and stared in disbelief at his
opponent.  "What the hell is this?" he grumbled loudly.  "Come on down
here and fight like a man!" he roared up at James.  

Smiling wildly, James powerposed.  He soaked in the adulation of the
fans, standing taller and prouder.  He felt their support, their love.  He
pulled out a microphone and gestured for the audience to quiet down.  

"It looks like Team Rocket is BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" he cried, leaping off
the side of the monument.  The crowd gasped in shock, and more than one
White House intern fainted.  James dropped like a rock in freefall... and
then snapped upward sharply as a pair of nylon wings swung out to his
sides.  

Red, white, and blue fireworks burst all around the stadium, heralding
James as he coasted down toward the ring.  An orchestra swelled to a
crescendo, with the music on the surround speakers tracking James'
approach.  Gravity took hold and James' slow gliding grew fast and
faster.  

"He's got a HANG GLIDER!" Hiroshi bubbled gleefully.  "If nothing else,"
Hiroshi said from the announcer's table, "Team Rocket is confirming that
they certainly know how to make an entrance!" 

"Or something," Tarou muttered.  "For those of you in the crowd with the
attention span of our least favorite roving reporter... last Reboot,
Jessie rode a zip cord into St.  Peter's Basilica, and now... Well, it
looks like Team Pansy's more effeminate member is trying to outdo the
pointy-haired freak."  

James whooped loudly as his blue hair whipped wildly around his face.  He
reached over and pulled up on the controls, slowing down his approach
and preparing to touch down.  

Wolverine stepped back and crossed his arms again, retracting his claws.
"Oh, let's get this over with!" he roared.  He began tapping his foot
impatiently.  The referee stared at the on-coming glider and dived out of
the ring.  

"Whooooahh!" James yelped as his foot landed awkwardly on the surface of
the ring.  He stumbled forward, unable to catch himself.  Wolverine didn't
even have time to look panicked as the entire hang-glider assembly
pitched forward and crashed into him.  

The gasps of the crowd were loud, but not loud enough to drown out the
groans and squeals of the twisting metal of the ruined flying machine.
The entire mess of fighters and glider skidded across the mat, coming to
a stop only when buffered by the ropes on the far side of the ring.  

"NOoooooooo!" screamed Hiroshi, leaping to his feet.  "What a HORRIBLE
and TERRIBLE accident!  Get the medical crew out here STAT!!!"  He dropped
his microphone and leaped into the ring, hurrying over to the wreckage.

Tarou tossed his head back, unable to contain his laughter.  "Well that
was unexpected, wasn't it folks?" he asked, wiping away the tears from
his eyes.  "Looks like we'll be needing the Jaws of Life to clean up this
mess!" 

The medical team scrambled down the aisles, bearing first aid kits and
stretchers.  They began to climb into the ring, but paused when they
noticed an indication of movement from under one of the wings.

The crowd held its collective breath as the med techs carefully peeled
back the wing.  Revealed underneath were the two fighters, sprawled out
on the floor of the ring.  

Wolverine, having taken the nose of the glider, was in far worse
condition.  His chest was slightly sunken, as though a rib had broken,
and he had a large gash in his forehead.  The bleeding was starting to
slow, thanks to the mutant's enhanced healing abilities, but the metal
strut that had caused the cut had hit with enough force to knock him
out.

James, on the other hand, looked to be okay, aside from a few scrapes.
The strut that had knocked out Wolverine was also planted firmly against
his head, but thankfully, he'd had the foresight to wear his helmet.

Woozily, James opened his eyes and blinked.  Slowly getting to his feet,
he straightened out his shirt.  Finding a smudge on his boot, he bent
over to wipe it away.  As he stood up, he noticed the mess behind him. 
"Oopsie," he said, blushing in embarrassment. 

Taking off his helmet, James wiped off his sweaty forehead.  Shocked, he
froze in mid-action as he caught sight of himself in the polished
surface of his protective headgear.

"Eeeek!" he shrieked.  "I-I-I-I have HELMET HAIR!?"

The referee peeked out from behind the front row of fans and breathed a
sigh of relief.  Making his way to the ring, he climbed in and took ahold
of James' hand, raising it high in the air.  "Subject to Ultra's Hardcore
rules... use of *all* weapons is legal.  James is the winner!"  The crowd
burst into applause and exuberant cheering.  

"Oh, that does it," James whined, oblivious to the proceedings around
him.  "I am *never* listening to Daisuke ever again!  I look horrible!"

"But James... you *won*!" Hiroshi said, rubbing the back of his head.

James blinked in realization.  "Won?  Who won?  I won?"  He grinned
madly.  "I won!  Yay!   Wait, my hair!  My poor, abused hair!  Why was I
forced to sacrifice you so that I could grasp this single drop of the
sweet taste of competitive success?  I will not let your loss go in
vain!" he resolved, shaking his fist in determination.  "But I won!
Look at me, Jessie!  I won!"

Tarou choked and fell back in his chair.  "You've got to be kidding!" he
swore.  "That's... that's... that's bullshit!" 

Hiroshi, suddenly back in his seat, grinned widely.  "Like you were
saying, Tarou old buddy... very short, and very ugly... but we DO have a
WINNER!!" 

"Oh, shut up!" Tarou snarled.  He shook his head in disbelief as
Wolverine was gently trundled into a stretcher and escorted out of the
stadium, amid a hail of supportive cheers.  The remains of the
hang-glider were also removed in a most expedient manner, as the Ultra
tech crew earned their bonus pay.  "Let's just get on to the next fight,"
Tarou muttered.  

"All RIGHT!" Hiroshi answered, turning back to the camera.  "Our next
quarter-final match looks to be very exciting, featuring fighters from
one of Ultra's oldest and most well-established rivalries... Athena of
the Psycho Soldiers versus Sagat from Bison's Busters!" 

"Coming off the events of last week, I don't think poor Athena stands a
chance," Tarou commented.  "Bison's got to be pissed, and I don't think
he'll let Sagat go easy on her."  

"Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?  Let's welcome...
ATHENA AaaaaaaaaSAMIYA!!!" 

The UltraTron flashed to light, with clips of Athena and Sie in action
against various opponents.  Interspersed with pictures of the Psycho
Soldiers in action were cuts from Athena's attack on Bison the week
before, when she'd gone to recover MewTwo.  

Brilliant sparks of purple and white shot into the air as Athena rushed
out into the arena.  She stopped at the base of the ramp and winked for
the camera, waving happily at all the fans.  Bounding over to the side of
the aisle, she stopped to sign a few autographs before making her way to
ringside.  

Climbing into the ring, Athena took the microphone from the referee and
waved at the audience again.  "Hi, everybody!" she cried out in greeting.
She smiled widely, her cheer and enthusiasm plain for all to see.  

"Hi, Athena!" the crowd greeted back.  

"Are you all ready for a good fight?" she asked.  The crowd shouted back
their answer, and she nodded.  "Same here!" 

"And she's about to get her wish," Hiroshi announced.  "'Cuz here comes
her opponent... SAGAT!!" 

Again, the entrance by the ramp disappeared as pyrotechnics and smoke
filled the air.  Wisps of green smoke curled around the edges of the
walkway as the powerfully built Muay Thai fighter lightly padded down
the ramp.  A merry refrain of calliope music thundered out of the
speakers of the UltraStadium.  

Sagat stopped in his tracks.  He narrowed his eyes and [GLARED] at the
mixing booth until the music changed to an ominous and menacing dirge.
Stomping the rest of the way down the aisle, Sagat jumped over the
ropes, flipping in mid-air to come to a perfect landing, staring right
into Athena's face.  With a growl, he snatched away the microphone.  

As he turned away from her, the crowd booed loudly, jeering Bison's
crony.  He shrugged and ignored them, since he honestly couldn't care
less what they thought of him.  His objective was clear.  

"Would you all like to hear a little story?" Sagat asked the audience.  

"Noooo!" came his answer.  

Sagat rolled his eyes.  "Well, you're going to hear one anyway!" he
shouted.  "Last week.... last week, this little *TRAMP* decided she
wasn't happy just staying at home filing her nails."  He came to a
turnbuckle and placed his free hand on it.  "No, she decided she was
*bored*.  So what did she do?  You want to know what she did?  She decided
she would storm into my employer's place of business -- an establishment
wholly disenfranchised from and having *nothing* to do with this
fighting federation -- and caused *MILLIONS* of dollars of damage."  He
turned to sneer at Athena.  "Now... I know there's no way to recoup the
cost of undoing this... senseless act of vandalism... but I'll tell you
one thing!" He leveled a pointing finger at Athena, who busy crossing
her arms and looking away in disinterest.  

"What's that, Saggy-poo?" she asked.  Smiling inwardly, she made a big
show of studying her fingernails.  

"I'm sure going to enjoy taking it out of your hide!" he exclaimed,
whipping the microphone at the Psycho Soldier.  Suddenly snapping to
attention, she batted the flying mic out of the way and dodged the large
foot that was following close behind it.  Reaching out, she shoved Sagat
back.  

"All right, then," she said, combing her hair back as she slipped into a
fighting stance.  "Let's rock!"

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 QUARTERFINAL MATCH #2
][ ATHENA v SAGAT
][ FIGHT!!

"Before we get started," Athena added, "I'd like you to tell your boss
that he can--" 

Sagat roared.  "Bison has NOTHING to do with this!  This is me against
you.  This is *OUR* fight, do you hear me?" 

Athena shrugged nonchalantly.  "Whatever you say... Your little spiel a
few moments ago kind of puts holes in the credibility of that, wouldn't
you think?" She leaped to the side, twisting to dodge the burst of
sizzling energy that narrowly missed her.  "Oooh, breaking out the big
guns early, are we?  PSYCHO BALL!" she cried, unleashing a ball of Psycho
energy and tossing it at Sagat.  

Sagat smirked and ducked under the slow-moving sphere, only to find
Athena's foot meeting his face as he came back to standing up.  His neck
snapped back and he fell backwards to the mat, rolling out of the way as
the thin girl fell at him with her elbow out.  He kippuped and hopped
back, moving into a ready stance.  "So the kitten has decided to show her
claws, I see."  He grinned.  "Good, I love it when they struggle.
TIGER...UPPERCUT!" 

The lanky fighter rushed forward with a sudden burst of speed.  Athena
was unable to block in time and was sent reeling, tumbling back into the
ropes.  Stars were spinning in her eyes as he closed, and she was barely
able to raise her arms as he reached out for her.  She pushed him away
roughly and ducked under his arm, diving for the ground.  

As Athena hit the mat, she tumbled into a roll.  Coming to her feet, she
stood and spun to face her opponent, shaking her head slightly.  "Ouch,"
she said plainly, wiping a trickle of blood away from her lip.  "That
almost hurt."  

"Ha!" Sagat exclaimed.  "I'm enjoying this already!  TIGER SHOT!" he
called out, slinging a quick series of chi-bolts out at Athena.  Athena
braced herself, bringing her palms out in front of her.  

"PSYCHO REFLECTOR!" she cried out, as she drew together a psychic
mirror.  Sagat's shots bounced off it, whizzing back at him.  Dodging
frantically, he managed to avoid them all, but when he stopped weaving,
it was obvious he had lost track of his opponent.  He looked up just in
time to see up Athena's skirt.  

He only had a moment to appreciate the view before her foot crashed into
his face again.  Screaming in pain, he flinched backward, but he still
maintained the presence of mind to grab hold of the girl.  Sagat roared
loudly as he shook his head clear.  As his vision focused, the smirk he
wore grew wider.  

Athena strained against the pressure of Sagat's hands on her shoulders.
"Let... gooooo..."  she said, wincing as his grip tightened.  She pulled
at his fingers, but was unable to loosen them.  

"I don't think so, my pretty."  Sagat grinned cruelly as he lifted her
higher into the air.  "Good night, sweet princess."  With a grunt, he
jumped high into the air.  At the apex of his leap, he swung his arm
down, bringing Athena body flailing around.  "TIGER AIR CARRY!" he
shouted.  

Sagat drove Athena toward the ground, his knee wedged firmly against her
chest.  Athena's eyes widened, bracing for the impact... 

... and with a loud crash, they struck the mats.  Sagat sprang back at
the point of impact, flipping in midair and landing on the ball of his
left foot, his right knee held before him.  

Athena wasn't so lucky.  The shock of the impact, combined with the
previous force of James' crash, was just too much for the floor of the
ring to handle.  With a loud groan, it collapsed beneath her.  She
disappeared with a loud splash.  

"Oh my god!" Hiroshi screamed.  "It looks like Sagat has thrown Athena
*through* the UltraStadium floor into the Reflecting Pool!!" 

Tarou nodded.  "That he did.  Popcorn?" he asked, holding his bowl out to
Hiroshi.  Hiroshi shoved the bowl away, covering Tarou in buttered
kernels.  

Sagat raised his arms in victory and posed for the crowd, who were
screaming loudly in anger.  Behind him, the referee ran to the hole in
the floor and peered into the inky darkness.  

Bison teleported into view, right behind his right-hand-man.  "Good show,
Sagat."  Turning to face Hiroshi, Tarou, and the camera, he picked up the
microphone.  "Well, Miss Tendou... It seems my champion is well on his
way to winning your little fight.  I am still waiting for a reply to my
previous... inquiry.  I will wait for your answer, but only until the end
of this evening.  My patience only stretches so far."  

"I think," came a voice from behind him, "that you really need to work
on that, Bison-chan."  Bison frowned deeply as he and Sagat turned as
one.  Athena was propped up on her elbows, halfway out of the hole in the
ring floor.  Her hair hung in her face and her outfit was sticking to her
like a second skin.  "This fight ain't over yet!" 

"Sagat, dispatch her," Bison commanded.  "Nabiki, I'll be waiting."  And
with that, he was gone.  

Sagat frowned.  "Haven't you already lost?" he asked.  He looked to the
ref for a ruling.  

The referee shook his head.  "Nope!  No out-of-ring disqualifications!
Fight on!" 

Sagat shrugged and advanced on Athena, who was still trying to pull
herself fully out of the hole.  Unfortunately, she was hindered by bits
of the floor which kept breaking off in her hands.  Grinning maliciously,
he brought his right heel down viciously on her fingers.  Athena cried
out in pain.  

"Now where were we?" Sagat asked.  

Athena winced as she looked up into Sagat's hate-filled eyes.  Fighting
back the tears, the young crime-fighter summoned up a well of energy.
Her concentration was broken when Sagat reached down and picked her up
again, the Psycho energy scattering to the winds.  "That's right... we
were HERE!" he shouted as he jumped again, bringing her around to smash
her to the floor again... 

... and he blinked in confusion as he landed on his feet, empty-handed.
"Huh?" he said, shortly before realizing she had teleported away.  With a
start, Sagat began spinning around, but he was too late.  He caught sight
of her just in time to see Athena's body begin to blaze with a furious
orange flame.  

"PHOENIX ARROW!" Athena shouted out as her foot slammed into Sagat's
side.  The tall fighter flew limply back against the ropes and bounced
back toward her, right into her fist.  Sagat whimpered softly as he
passed out, tumbling forward into the hole.  

The ref peered into the hole again, this time with his handy Mag-lite.
Standing up, he nodded and raised Athena's arm into the air.  "The
winner..  by a knock-out... Athena!" 

"Yatta!" Athena exclaimed, hopping up and down happily.  Grinning wildly,
she flashed a "V" at the camera as she rushed off the stage, hugging a
few lucky fans on her way back to her dressing room.  

"WOW!" Hiroshi cried out.  "What a FIGHT!  That was INCREDIBLE!  That was
AMAZING!" 

"That was actually not a waste of time," Tarou said, polishing his
fingernails against his shirt.  He yawned loudly.  

"You know, Tarou... I think I've figured out what you need."  

"And what exactly would that be?" 

"Guess!" 

"A large explosive device set off under your seat, sending your charred
and mangled carcass flying out of this lovely open-air stadium?" 

"No, a good healthy dosage of ULTRAVIOLENCE!" 

"Riiiight."  

"Anyway, while This Old Dojo gets to work at replacing the floor, let's
go out to the first of this evening's exciting exhibition matches!"
Hiroshi shouted.  

Tarou sighed loudly.  "Yay.  Note, for those of you at home, I think Fox
has a special on 'When Cabbits Attack' on now... try to be back in
about, say... ten minutes."  

Hiroshi rolled his eyes as the UltraTron flashed to life... 

Two portals opened at the foot of a tall outcropping of stone.  The
surrounding area was mostly plains, with a few hills here and there, all
covered with tough grass and speckled with rocks.  Out of one portal
stepped a well- proportioned lady with long hair and a skimpy metal
power-bikini; this was B-ko Daitokuji, heiress to the Daitokuji
industrial empire.  Out of the other waddled a short, billed figure who
radiated an evil black and purple aura; this was Voiduck, the
god-of-hate-inside-a-loveable-pokemon.  

B-Ko let rip with a confident laugh, which was, of course, her usual
method of ensuring that things got off to a good start.  The fact that it
had never worked didn't discourage her one bit.  

Voiduck, the cute, cuddly, and comically clumsy god of [HATE] did
nothing to make himself more confident, as it wasn't needed.  He was
quite sure that his [HATE] would see him through, because his [HATE] was
strong.  He sat and flared his evil black power aura a bit while B-Ko
continued laughing into the back of her hand.  

Shortly, Goku materialized on the field.  He looked at each contestant,
and blinked once at B-ko's attire.  

"Are you gonna fight in that?" the Saiyan asked uncertainly.  "It's kind
of... uh, small."  

"Ooohohoho!" B-ko laughed, not quite getting into the same volume range
as Naga, but it was a good laugh just the same.  "No, you silly, silly
man," she replied, "I am fighting in... THIS!" 

At the click of a button, another portal opened, and out stomped a large
mecha resembling B-ko's opponent.  

"Behold!" B-ko crowed, "The Voidtron Zero!" 

B-ko broke into another laugh, while Voiduck stared dumbfounded at the
mecha before him, bill open and letting in whatever airborne insects
might exist in the area selected for the fight.  

"V...voi?  [VOI]?" 

"Heeey," Goku said, pointing at the mecha as B-ko clambered into the
cockpit, "that looks just like you!" 

After Goku's grasp of the completely obvious had brought home what the
Pokemon lord of hatred (and all those other icky emotions) had feared,
Voiduck was nonplused.  To make things worse, seeing that... thing in
front of him had made his headache worse than it had been in recent
memory.  

He shot a quick glare at the Omega referee, and then turned his black
aura up a notch, preparing to fire a volley of something or other before
the fight had even really started.

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 EXHIBITION MATCH #2
][ VOIDUCK v B-KO DAITOKUJI
][ FIGHT!!

B-ko, meanwhile, was still laughing.  But that stopped soon enough.  

"Ohohohohoho*bwoom*urk!" 

Voiduck's first [HATE]-fueled blast slammed into the Voidtron with
enough force to tear a rent in the mecha's thick armor, but that wasn't
about to deter B-ko.  She flipped a few switches on her control panel,
which caused hatches to open up in various parts of the mecha, to reveal
large clusters of unfriendly- looking missiles.  

"Fire missiles!" B-ko shouted.  The Voidtron-Zero responded with a simple
"[VOI]," as dozens of missiles poured fourth from their launch tubes.  

Voiduck looked desperately around and ran for cover under a rock
formation, which managed to keep him from being more than singed by the
ensuing firestorm.  

"Oooohohohoho!" B-ko chortled triumphantly.  "That's right, flee!  Flee
from the might of the Voidtron-Zero!" The giant mecha lifted flipper to
beak.  "Ooohohohoho!" 

Voiduck reflected on the fact that the laughing wasn't helping his
headache any as he stepped out from his cover and began launching purple
and black energy at the Voidtron.  His bolts were stopped as a pin-point
force barrier sprung up at the spot where they would have hit B-ko's
mecha, which prompted the heir of the Daitokuji corporation to laugh
again.  

"Oooohohoho!  Is that all you can do, little duck?  The world of
technological advances has made your puny power obsolete!" 

New missiles slid into place of the old ones, but this times B-ko only
launched half of them - if there was such a thing as conserving
ammunition in her mind, that was probably it.  The missiles snaked and
corkscrewed through the air, impacting always at the very heels of the
[VOID]-enhanced pokemon which scampered around as fast as it could in an
almost hopeless effort to avoid the explosive death which was the
copyright of the Daitokuji corporation.  

Eventually, the barrage did end, and Voiduck turned to his opponent and
shot blast after blast of black energy at the mecha.  Some of the shots
got through, since B-ko's barrier could only be in one place at a time,
and the shots that weren't blocked tore armor off of B-ko's mecha in
large chunks.  

Voiduck's offensive ended when the Voidtron's beak opened to reveal a
particle cannon, which began spewing blasts towards the possessed
pokemon.  One bolt crashed to earth under Voiduck, knocking him off his
feet.  

"Voioioioi," muttered Voiduck.  

"Oooohohoho!" laughed B-ko.  "You cannot stand against the might of the
Voidtron-Zero!  You may as well give up!" With this, she launched the
rest of her missiles.  

Voiduck was not about to give in, however.  Focusing on his headache, he
reached out with his mind, snatching the missiles from their flight and
hurling them back at the Voidtron.  

"Eep?" eep'ed B-ko.  

The missiles detonated against the armor of the Voidtron, knocking it
over and destroying many of the components.  Inside the reinforced
cockpit, B-ko was uninjured but out like a light.  

Goku walked over to the shambles of B-ko's mecha and fished her out of
it.  After shaking B-ko once or twice and getting no response, he
declared, "Looks like Voiduck's the winner!" 

"[DUCK]," duck'ed Voiduck, crossing its stubby little arms in grim
satisfaction.  

Somewhere in the audience, Tipper Gore wai'ed.  

Back at the announcer's table, Hiroshi was beaming widely.  "Well that
was quite a fight, wasn't it, Tarou?" 

"I don't know, Hiroshi... I was off flossing.  It's essential to basic
hygiene, you know."  

"Well, it was a veritable orgy of CARNAGE and MAYHEM!" Hiroshi
proclaimed.  "And it's too bad ya missed it!" He turned to the camera.
"And we'll be back for more, after these messages."  

- = - 

[The sun rises, and in a bedroom, a small girl with red pigtails is
sleeping peacefully.  She gets up.  This is Kurata Sana.  But a few years
younger.  Slowly, Sana walks tiredly to the kitchen, then eyes a package.
She scoops some out, then pours it into a cup of hot water.  Slowly, she
takes her first sip.] 

Sana-chan: YAAAAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  

[Sana-chan proceeds to bounce all over the walls and becomes the
familiar hyper Sana-chan.] 

O.V.: Komawari Cappuccino.  How else can three sips of coffee last
forever?  

- = - 

"And weeeeee're back!" Hiroshi shouted, spittle flying across the table.
"Why don't you tell the nice people at home what they've missed, Tarou."

Tarou leaned forward and picked up his mic.  He ahemed, clearing his
throat.  "No," he pronounced.  

"Well, fine," Hiroshi said with a shrug.  "We've had a couple of killer
fights already, and we're not even a third of the way done!  For our next
match, Sakura will be fighting Lilith for a spot in the semifinals!"
Hiroshi announced.  

"And were it a contest of skill, it might be worth mentioning," Tarou
yawned.  "As is, they'll probably fight over who wears less on a given
day.  Speaking of which, here's one of the Wonder Nymphos now."  

If Lilith were insulted by this, she didn't give any indication.
Instead, she flew directly up to the announcer's booth.  "Hi!" she
greeted them, then blinked.  "Ne, Tarou, have you seen my darling
Hiro-kun around?  I heard he was announcing..."  

Tarou blinked, then realized Hiroshi wasn't sitting beside him.  Rather,
there was a DO NOT LOOK UNDER TABLE sign in his place.  He reached down,
pulling the clone from under the table.  "Your girlfriend's here."  

"Hiro-kun!" Lilith glomped the announcer in question, nuzzling his neck.
"You're so silly, never answering any of my calls.  But I forgive you.
Let's just forget this tournament and go somewhere private... actually,
public is fine, too."  

Hiroshi gave Tarou a flat look.  "I hate you."  

Tarou just smirked.  

"Yeah, public would be more fun.  And then we could..."  The words Lilith
whispered into Hiroshi's ear turned him nine shades of red, two of
green, and one witness swore he saw mauve.  

"Th- th- that's impossible!" he stuttered.  

"Not with the right preparation," Lilith grinned.  "And that's just the
warm-up!" 

Hiroshi made a valiant effort to squirm free and failed miserably.  "I
really don't want to, Lilith."  

"It's not a question of you *wanting* to."  Lilith's eyes gleamed, and
Hiroshi gulped.  "You'll come around, one way or another.  Even if I have
to make you."  

"I... uh... like my soul where it is, thankyouverymuch."  

"Really?" she pouted.  "It doesn't really matter, you know.  I know you'd
enjoy it, and enjoy it very much.  Here, let me show you."  And the
succubus leaned forward, Hiroshi paralyzed with fear... 

"Step away from the boy!" a shrill voice demanded.  

Lilith frowned and turned her attention away from Hiroshi, who sighed
with relief.  She peered at the ring, where a lone fighter stood, arms
folded and glaring at her.  "Oh, it's you."  

"Yeah, it's me," Sakura yelled up at Lilith.  "We have a scheduled fight
to do, you know.  Say, now."  

Lilith shrugged.  "You can take a win.  I just want to spend some valuable
time with my Hiro-kun."  

"What?" Sakura gaped.  "How can you be so shameless?!" 

"Like you're one to talk," Lilith replied, giving Sakura a once over.  

"What's *that* supposed to mean?!" Sakura scowled.  

Lilith lazily floated toward the ring as a grateful Hiroshi silently
thanked Sakura for getting the succubus away from him.  "There's a reason
the crowd watches you fight, and it's not because of your abilities."
Lilith smirked.  "You're not high quality, but they take what they get.
Though I'm not really sure what my sister sees in a blocky girl like
you."  

"Why, you..."  the self-taught Shotokan fighter fumed.  

Lilith giggled.  "I guess I will play with you after all!" She waved up
at the announcer's booth.  "Hiiiiiii Hiro-kun!  I'm gonna win this one for
you!" 

Hiroshi eeped and shrank halfway beneath the table, Tarou snickering all
the while.  

The referee looked from the enraged female to the flying one, then
shrugged.  Par for the course, as far as Ultra was concerned.  He signaled
the bell.

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 QUARTERFINAL MATCH #3
][ SAKURA v LILITH
][ FIGHT!!

As soon as Lilith's feet touched the ground, Sakura charged forward,
intent on wiping that smirk off Lilith's face.  The succubus grinned and
dodged to one side.  Twisting to the left, Sakura aimed a kick at
Lilith's stomach, who jumped away.  

"Your form's good, but you need to twist your hips a little more,"
Lilith commented as she dodged a couple of punches and jumped over a
sweep.  "Old men like that."  

"I am *not* like that!" the enraged fighter screamed.  

"Coulda fooled me," Lilith giggled.  Snarling, Sakura launched into a
combination of punches and kicks, the last kick connecting and causing
Lilith to stagger back.  The succubus barely blocked the follow-up kick
and jumped up, wings extended.  

"Ooh, feisty," the young succubus said, smiling wickedly.  "My sister
always liked that in a lover."  

Sakura blushed for a split-second before yelling, "I'm not your sister's
'lover', you little tramp!  Hadouken!" A blue ball of flames flew towards
Lilith, who did a little side-flutter out of the way.  

Lilith smirked down at the Shotokan fighter.  "You can't hit me with
those.  Soul Flash!" she yelled, energy flying at Sakura.  

Sakura dodged the blast quickly, only to see more of them coming at her,
as Lilith threw Soul Flash after Soul Flash at Sakura, the Shotokan
fighter constantly moving in an effort to avoid the misty projectiles.
One finally hit, and Sakura shook her head, dazed.  

"It looks like Lilith's got this fight in the bag," Tarou said.
"Panty-flash girl can't recover long enough to so much as lift a finger
against her."  

Hiroshi glanced sideways at Tarou.  "We've seen her fight against long
odds and win before."  Tarou responded by rolling his eyes.  In the ring,
Lilith smacked Sakura with another Soul Flash, dazing her again.  

Lilith laughed as she continued to scatter projectiles all over the
ring.  "This is so much fun!" she said gleefully, continuing to do this
for several minutes.  

Sakura dodged another of the projectiles desperately, "Why don't you--"
she rolled out of the way of another one, "--come down and FIGHT!
HADOUKEN!" she screamed, the ball of flames catching Lilith off guard
and sending her spiraling down to the mat.  

"And Sakura strikes back with a lucky fireball!  Could this turn the
match around?" Hiroshi asked excitedly.  Tarou looked back at him with
his standard, "Could you be more of a idiot?" look.  

Lilith jumped off the mat with an angry look on your face.  "Well, that
was almost impressive, but I don't think my Hiro-kun will wait any
longer."  Lilith winked over at Hiroshi, before turning back to the ring
and quickchanging into a bunny suit.  "Bye, amateur!  Gloomy Puppet Show!"
she said, throwing the top hat and landing it on Sakura's head.  

Sakura was instantly up on a stage dancing and singing, "I'm a Barbie
girl, in a Barbie world... Life in plastic, it's fantastic.  You can
brush my hair, undress me everywhere... Imagination, life is your
creation..."  

Lilith smiled wickedly and turned to blow Hiroshi a kiss.  "For you,
Hiro-kun!  Now, let's--" and was interrupted when Sakura knocked her over
with a running uppercut.  

"Not so fast!" Sakura declared, her outfit slightly torn from the
Lilith's many attacks, before following up with a surprise combo.  "You
should make sure your opponent is down first."  Sakura finished up with a
Midare Zakura, uppercutting Lilith off into the Spanish announcers'
table and standing victorious for the ten count.  

"Amazing, folks!" Hiroshi exclaimed over the cheers of the crowd.
"Sakura, after being on the defensive from Lilith's projectile rain,
managed to not only escape from it, but the Gloomy Puppet Show as well!"

Tarou looked on disdainfully.  "Must have been a fluke.  Even an
incompetent fighter can win one if they're lucky."  Tarou then turned to
the camera.  

Off to the side, Morrigan was staring at the sight of Sakura standing
triumphant over Lilith as she smiled and licked her lips.  "What a
woman."  

"And now for the next fight!" Hiroshi exclaimed enthusiastically.  "Marlo
and Mousse are both experts in varied hidden weaponry and both are
capable of causing a lot of pain to the other in a Hardcore setting.  Of
course, this means that the winner of this match, whoever he is, may be
too injured to be a real threat to future opponents, so they'll be
trying to put the other man down hard and fast!" 

"In other words," Tarou yawned, "Get ready for some Ultraviolence."  

The crowd, predictably, cheered.  

Hiroshi shot Tarou a dirty look.  "You could at least try to be more
excited," he muttered, then rallied for the sake of the fans.  "This
one's so close I'm not going to call it!" he enthused further.  "All I'm
going to say is that it's going to be a great fight!" 

Tarou snorted.  "Oh please," he grunted.  "Even someone as stupid as you
should be able to see that Marlo is the obvious winner of this match,
and of the tournament.  The guy practically created Hardcore.  The
hair-product wimp doesn't have a chance, especially since he's as blind
as a bat.  Marlo'll play with him for a while, then when it stops being
amusing, BAM!" he slapped the announcers' desk for emphasis.  "Marlo will
have completed the first step on his way to victory and Mousse's Chinese
slut will be bandaging his broken bones.  Assuming he's still breathing."

"Didn't you say something similar about the Marlo and Tifa match back at
the first Reboot?" Hiroshi asked innocently.  "And didn't Tifa kick
Marlo's ass?  He didn't even make it into the second round."  

Tarou turned slowly to face his fellow announcer, expression ominous.
"That was then," he explained, voice far too soft and quiet.  "This is
now."  

Hiroshi coughed nervously, tugging at his collar.  "Right, right," he
agreed.  "Well, I'm still not going to call it, but there you have it
Ultra fans, the opinion of my co-announcer.  And... we'll soon get a
chance to see if his assessment is correct as Mousse enters the ring!" 

Mousse smiled nervously at Shampoo as he made his way down the ramp to
the ring, ignoring the fact that slightly more boos than cheers greeted
the pair.  "I won't let you down, Shampoo," he promised, speaking in
their common dialect.  

The Chinese girl nodded.  "I know, Mousse," she replied in the same
language.  "You will show them that Amazons are the best warriors."  She
scowled at a crowd member holding up a sign reading "Marlo 3:16 says 'I
just saved your furnityre' ".  

"No stupid foul-mouthed American will win.  I'll make sure of that."  

Mousse halted, frowning.  "I... Outside assistance is illegal, Shampoo,"
he said, his voice uncertain.  "And the crowd doesn't like it either.
Perhaps-" 

Shampoo laughed scornfully.  "The crowd?" she asked.  "The crowd doesn't
*matter*, Mousse!  Their idea of fair play doesn't *matter*!  We are
warriors!  Only winning matters, by whatever means it takes to win!" She
noted his disturbed expression and inwardly berated herself.  This wasn't
working - she needed another tactic... ah!  Taking a deep breath, she
smiled kittenishly at him, running a fingernail down his chest.  "Are you
not a warrior?" she asked softly.  

Mousse blushed, his vision becoming even foggier than usual.  "Yes," he
said quietly.  His voice firmed; "But let me prove myself as a warrior
alone.  Don't interfere, Shampoo.  I can beat Marlo by myself."  

Shampoo stared at him for a long moment, then nodded.  "That's good," she
said, her voice tinged with respect.  "You do that."  She held the ropes
open for him, then clambered into the ring herself, motioning for a
microphone.  

"Shampoo have something to say!" she announced.  

"Wow!" Hiroshi bubbled.  "Shampoo has something to say!" 

Tarou eyed his co-announcer.  "... right," he deadpanned.  

"Shut up!" Shampoo yelled, as the booing intensified.  "Shampoo and
Mousse are warriors!  Only real warriors in whole of Ultra!  You listen to
Shampoo!  Mousse will win title himself!  No need Shampoo to beat stupid
loud mouth Marlo!" 

Mousse smiled, blushing again.  

"Is that right?" a familiar sarcastic voice responded, and Mousse's eyes
narrowed.  

"That sounds like Marlo!" Hiroshi gasped.  "But where is he?" 

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 QUARTERFINAL MATCH #4
][ MARLO v MOUSSE
][ FIGHT!!

Indeed, the spotlights roaming the temporary UltraDome were having no
luck in finding the furniture warrior.  

"How about *you* listen to *me*, you stupid Chinese bitch!" the voice
continued.  "Your little boy toy had better drop to his knees right now
and pray to whatever gods might give a shit about his sorry little ass
that he'll survive this night!  This is the US of A, not your pansy
little village of wusses!" 

Shampoo clenched the microphone tight.  "Marlo no insult Amazon
warriors!" she barked.  "Or Shampoo will-" 

"Shampoo will what?" Marlo interrupted, audibly sneering.  "Use her
gigantic gazongas to whip me to death?  I'll tell you what, babe, why
don't you go back to chasing after Saotome like a good little groupie?
Even he'd be better than your new taste in men, and hell, you couldn't
be worse in bed than you are in the ring."  

"And Marlo tells it how it is," Tarou drawled.  

"How can you say that?" Hiroshi gasped indignantly.  "He's trying to
incite Shampoo and Mousse into doing something stu- oh."  

"And clone boy finally gets it," Tarou grinned.  "This is tactics, pure
and simple."  

Marlo's rants were definitely having an effect on Shampoo.  "Come out and
fight, stupid Marlo!" she raged, jumping out of the ring and beginning
her own search for the boy.  "Fight Shampoo!  No more talk!" 

"Be careful, Shampoo!" Mousse called, anxiously looking around for his
absent opponent.  He slipped one hand into his sleeve, feeling the
reassuring weight of a staff.  Whatever Marlo was planning, he was going
to be as prepared as possible.  

Shampoo turned over the Spanish announcer's table and searched
underneath it.  "No worry, Mousse!" she replied, her voice seething.
"Shampoo find Marlo.  Then Shampoo KILL!" Her eyes fell on the ring apron
and she stalked towards it, hands clenching into fists.  

Still scanning the arena, Mousse picked it up a split-second before the
spotlights did.  Then a huge gasp rose up from the crowd as Marlo was
revealed to their disbelieving eyes.  From girders high up in the
Ultradome he plummeted, comfortably seated on a massive leather sofa,
grinning cockily at Mousse even as the Chinese boy opened his mouth to
let out a horrified warning.  

The couch struck Shampoo square on the head, and she disappeared beneath
it, crushed to the ground.  The crunching sound of the impact echoed
through the arena, replaced by the incomparable sound of thirty thousand
people taking a deep breath all at the same time.  

Then the boos started, a solid wave of negativity and disapproval
sweeping over the stands.  

Marlo grinned and stood up, bowing to the crowd.  "Thank you, thank you!"
he greeted.  "Your master of Hardcore is here!  And let me tell you, that
was the easier than taking candy from a baby.  More fun, too!  Shampoo
must be even stupider than I th-" 

The staff slammed into the side of the boy's head, sending him tumbling
woozily to the ground.  Mousse leaped onto him, the sharp thwacks of his
staff punctuating his howls of incoherent rage.  Marlo cried out, kicking
out in an attempt to get away.  

Mousse stood back, a thin smile on his lips, and let the boy turn over
onto his back.  

"Whew!' Hiroshi whewed.  "For a moment I thought Mousse was just going to
kick the crap out of him.  I guess I was-" 

Mousse rammed the staff into Marlo's groin, twisting viciously.  Marlo
let out a single shriek before blacking out from the pain.  

"-right," Hiroshi completed, his eyes wide.  "I guess Mousse wins this
one, and in record ti- Hey!  He's still hitting him!" 

Tarou sat up.  "Security!" he barked.  

Mousse brought the staff crashing down onto Marlo three times, the boy's
body jerking slightly with the impact of each blow.  On the fourth blow,
it broke cleanly in half over Marlo's neck.  Mousse snarled in
disappointment, groping around in his robes for another weapon.  His eyes
lit up when he felt a familiar shape and he triumphantly pulled it out,
testing the balance with a few practice swings.  

"Holy SHIT!" Hiroshi blurted.  "He's got a freaking MACE, and it looks
like he intends to colour it with Marlo's brains!" 

Mousse smiled in satisfaction and raised the mace high.  Squinting
carefully, he concentrated on the back of Marlo's head.  This would teach
him not to hurt Mousse's love!  

A meaty hand wrapped around the mace, yanking it out of Mousse's grip.
"Easy, son," Bean Bandit cautioned.  "If you kill him now, I can't kick
him around later."  

"He's *mine*," Mousse spat, reaching into his sleeve.  "He hurt Shampoo!"

Bean tapped the mace against his thigh, staring down at the boy in
seeming unconcern.  "He hurt Tifa.  I get first claim.  You wanna dispute
that, you look me up sometime."  He nodded sharply at Marlo's battered
body.  "But for now, if you're smart, you'll take the win and let it go
until later."  

"And if I am not smart?" Mousse asked, his eyes narrowing.  

Bean smiled.  "You'll attack me.  And then security will shoot you down
with those cute little tranquilizers they're pointing at you and you'll
be too woozy to have a chance of winning this thing."  

Mousse glanced at the security teams that had surrounded the two.  "I
win, then," he said.  

Bean nodded approvingly.  "Gotta say, though, I'm glad someone knocked
the little shit down a peg or two.  Good luck for the rest of the
tournament."  And with a cocky grin, he walked away as the referee held
Mousse's arm into the air.  

"What an... interesting... ending to the fight!" Hiroshi said weakly.
"Now, Tarou, I don't like to say I told you so-" 

"Good," Tarou grunted.  

Hiroshi quailed.  "...yeah!  Anyway, Mousse wins!  Wasn't that great,
ladies and gentlemen?!" Hiroshi screamed into the microphone.  "But now,
we have a fight for you coming up, and boy does it look like one helluva
brawl!  Not only are we having Dan fight a Special Mystery Guest, but we
found ourselves some TOP-NOTCH guest referees to help us with it!" 

"Funny you should mention that, Hiroshi," Tarou said into his
microphone, "because for once, I actually agree with you.  This might
actually prove to be interesting, after all."  

"My sentiments exactly.  Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE direct your eyes to
the UltraTron as we welcome our SPECIAL GUEST REFEREES..."  The loud
*BAM* of the UltraTron and the whine of its power-up echoed through the
stadium as the screen lit up to reveal... "GEORGE W.  BUSH AND AL GORE!" 

The wild applause stopped abruptly as the audience tried to figure out
whether to clap for their guy or boo for the other.  After a few awkward
moments of silence, they started up again, the cheering building to a
climax as the faces of the two candidates appeared on the screen... 

...looking away from each other.  And very sullenly chewing.  

The camera panned out to reveal the two of them on a park bench, eating
from a box of doughnuts.  

The audience waited.  

Hiroshi waited.  

Tarou waited.  

"munchmunchmunch," said Gore.  

"munchchewgulp," said Bush.  

Hiroshi tapped his microphone.  "Um...Governor Bush?  Mister Vice-
President?  Hello?" 

Tarou scoffed.  "I guess it won't be that much fun, after all."  

The two presidential candidates reached into the box of doughnuts... 
...to find one left.  

"How many of these have you had?" Gore asked warily, eying the Texas
governor.  

"Five," replied Bush.  

Gore narrowed his eyes and scoffed.  "Really?  That's odd, because *I* had
five!" 

Bush shrugged.  "Sure, sure.  Just give that one to me.." 

"I demand a recount!" 

"NO!  It's MINE!  I'm telling you I only had five!" 

"You and your fuzzy math!" 

"This is an example of the Big Government trying to take away people's
hard-earned doughnuts!" 

Within moments they were at each other's throats, rolling around on the
ground.  The two were rolling around the floor, grabbing, tearing,
shoving, and pretty much everything short of biting.  

"..."  said the audience.  

Tarou sighed, glancing over to the control booth.  Catching sight of
Nabiki shaking her head, he sighed again, slumping back in his chair to
wait for the pre-fight wrestling match to conclude.  As confirmation, the
bosslady's voice sounded in his headset.  "Just let them scuffle for a
bit... it's good for the ratings.  And stop slouching!" 

With a cry, the two candidates flew apart from each other.  Both
breathing heavily, they circled one another warily.  "This is all because
you're such a sore loser!" cried Bush.  

"You're just upset that your brother couldn't properly rig that election
for you," Gore sneered.  

They stared at each other in silence.  

"Ahem," said Tarou.  "We have a suggestion, if you would be amenable?"
Hiroshi looked over at his cohort in curiosity, but let him keep going.
"It's pretty obvious what this squabble is about.  Why not up the
stakes?" 

"You mean... wager the presidency?" Gore asked, finally noticing the
camera.  "Bet the election on a pastry?" 

Bush shook his head.  "I am not guilty of gambling within the last
twenty- five years," he proclaimed.  "Nosirree-bob!" 

"Sounds good to me," Gore said, rolling up his sleeve.  "I'm gonna whoop
your ass!" 

"Oh fine!" 

Reaching into a bag of popcorn, Tarou cheered them on with a cry of "And
the fight begins!" 

"Can you BELIEVE it?!" Hiroshi blubbered.  "The FATE of the United States
is going to be decided on by a stale cruller!  Isn't this SPONTANEOUS and
EXCITING?!?!"

][ UNSCHEDULED GRUDGE MATCH
][ GEORGE WALKER BUSH, JR v  ALBERT BEATRICE GORE, JR.
][ GRAB THE DOUGHNUT, WIN THE PRESIDENCY!

"*I* should get that doughnut," Gore growled through clenched teeth.  "I
was there when Robert Wales of Lincoln, Nebraska milled the wheat that
made the pastry!  Then I saw it lovingly packed by Barbara Keaton, who
has two children in elementary school -- a school funded *without*
vouchers, mind you!  It's MINE!" 

"Well," Bush choked through small puffs of air, "Dad's a major investor
in the chain we bought these from!" 

"YEAH?  Well, I think the clerk took some of those doughnuts and gave
them to Pat Buchanan, just to spite me!" 

"Enough talk!" Bush screamed as he launched a few punches at Gore.  "I'm
gonna give this doughnut back to the people!" 

"You're *block* only gonna give *block* that doughnut to the *block* top
one percent!" Gore huffed as he fended the blows.  

"Damn straight!  And that one percent is ME!" Bush scooped up the doughnut
and-- 

--watched as Gore knocked it aside.  "It's MINE!" 

"No!" Bush screamed as he tackled Gore on the White House lawn.  "It's
MINE!" 

The two nominees landed in an overly-watered area of the lawn and
scrambled about the puddle, all the while slinging mud at each other.
They scampered out of the mudhole and finally started the REAL fight.
Bush grabbed a jackhammer by the gardening shack and threw it towards
Gore, shouting "MACHINE HOLE PUNCH!" 

Gore dodged the weapon and caught Bush in the stomach.  Smirking, he
quipped, "Gee, checking punches with hands IS more accurate, isn't it?" 

Bush merely coughed up a grin and caught Gore across the face.  "RADICAL
RIGHT!" 

The Vice President groaned and looked up, pitifully.  "What...ever
happened...to compassionate...conservatism?" 

Bush opened his mouth to speak.  "It's-- GYAAAAAAAAAAAH!" 

As the Governor sank to his knees, Al Gore rose up and stood proudly.
"Right-wing Nut," he announced cockily.  

"Oh, that does it!" Dubya snarled as he picked himself off the ground,
albeit gingerly.  He raised his fist to charge at the Vice President.
Gore grinned and adopted a fighting stance.  The two rushed at each
other... 

...and froze as an orange-haired man in a bright neon green leisure suit
ambled up to the park bench, picked up the aforementioned doughnut, and
swallowed it in one bite.  

"..."  said Gore.  

"..."  said Bush.  

"..."  said the audience.  

"Urk," said Hiroshi, glancing over at the referee.  "Um... what does that
mean?" 

The referee shrugged.  "Rules are rules... it looks like he wins."  

"It looks like JACK is BACK!" Hiroshi merrily screamed.  "And...
according to the rules, he is now officially President of the United
States of America!!!" 

The assembled crowd of politicians and other sports fans rose to their
feet, screaming in mixed disbelief and cheer.  On-screen, Jack Lysias
blinked once before waving at the audience.  "Yoohoo!" he called.  

"Well, Jack," Hiroshi said.  "You're the President of the United States.
What are you going to do?" 

Jack puzzled over his reply.  "Well, you know... I was just on my way
over to the Ultra Stadium to make a public statement thanking my dear
friend Karin for getting me out of jail.  But then I got hungry."  He
shrugged.  "All I did was eat a doughnut."

He turned around to find George W.  Bush and Al Gore glaring at him, rope
and shovel in hand.  He grinned and waved at them.  "Say hello to the nice
pols, Mr.  Duck!" 

"*Squeak!*" Mr.  Duck answered.  

"I have to say... I'm thrilled to be chosen to lead this country, the
land of my birth...  I mean, we might not be able to make tires that
don't explode the second they hit the pavement, but by golly, we've got 
more lawyers than the entire population of Burkina Faso!  It just stirs
the heart to know that this truly is a land of unlimited possibilities!"
He paused and wiped the tears of patriotism from his eyes.  "Why, just
this morning I was sleeping in a cold, miserable prison cell... and
tonight I'm leader of the Free World!" he cried out, powerposing
mightily.  "I didn't even have to wait for twenty-five years after my
last arrest, like Georgie-boy here!"

Realizing what he was doing, Jack coughed into his fist.  "Ahem, now
where was I?"  He pursed his lips and sat down on the bench, lost in
contemplation.  

"I guess now I need to decide what I'm going to do with this."  He
grinned widely as he arched his fingers, cracking his knuckles. "I can't
just abuse this power for personal amusement...  This is a great
responsibility, you know?  I have to look out for over two hundred and
fifty million people now."

"So, first off... I'd probably tackle the issue of public health.  From
now on, all beef and hamburger is to be banned, to prevent the spread of
Mad Cow Disease!  To fill the void in the American diet, we shall
implement the usage of safe and tasty HARBOR SEAL PATTIES!!"

"Second!" he barked.  "The highways are needlessly filled with drivers
who, quite frankly, cannot... and pose a severe risk to others.  Generally
they are old and drive far too slowly.  Therefore, from now on... those
over the age of fifty are *required* to take methamphetamines if they
are to retain their licenses!"

"Next point of order... Equal rights!" Jack proclaimed.  "For far too
long, women have been expected to do the same jobs as men and have not
been receiving equal pay.  This is an absurdity in these modern times!
To address this horrible grievance, women are hereby barred from holding
jobs!  If they feel they cannot perform adequately as housewives, they
must volunteer their time for free!"

Jack stood up, an American flag flapping proudly behind him. 

"Next, I will have a congressional committee look into abolishing
copyright law!  For ages, honest citizens have tried to use their skills
with harmless derivative works, and people actually read them.  But the
threats of intellectual property and international copyright are
eternally looming over them, STIFLING their creativity!  Why think, we
could have a sequel to 'Gone With the Wind' if it weren't for these
horrid laws!"

Jack's forehead wrinkled as he thought more.  "Get me an intern, would
ya?  Heck, get me a whole dozen.  In bunny suits, okay?"  He sat down
again, then blinked in surprise to find Bush and Gore sitting on either
side of him. "What am I saying?  This isn't right."  

Jack stood again, shaking his head.  "I'm honored to have been chosen,
everyone... and I would love to be your president... But!" Jack
pronounced.  "With all due respect... I just can't accept the job."  Jack
shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "I mean, I just love Ultra way
too much!"  He grinned into the camera.  "Send for my limo, baby... 'cuz
Jack is comin' home to Ultra!!" 

"Um... So what do we do now?" Bush asked, staring at his feet as he
shuffled back and forth.

"We are kind of left in the lurch," Gore agreed.

"That's true," Jack mused.  "I'll tell you what... I can't just leave
this undecided.  Soooo... my one and only official act as President is to
have it settled by the highest court in the land!"

"The Supreme Court?" Al Gore asked, reaching for his cell phone.

"No, Judge Judy!"

Gore and Bush facefaulted.  

The audience groaned.  

Hiroshi shrugged.  "Well, that was unexpected."  He glanced at the clock.
"We'll be right back after these messages!" 

- = - 

[Scene: Nabiki sits behind her desk, tapping her fingers impatiently.
The camera pans to see Akane, Andy, Mai, Shampoo, Ifurita, Gally, and
Sephiroth all standing in her office, with varying degrees of
nervousness evident on their faces.] 

NABIKI: I've called you all here for one reason, and one reason only.
You all suck.  

[The assembled fighters mutter in protest, but Nabiki quickly silences
them with a glare.] 

NABIKI: I pay you good money to entertain the audience.  Quite frankly,
at this point in time, the whole lot of you couldn't entertain a lemur
hopped up on crystal meth.  

[Nabiki slowly rises from her chair, and starts pacing in front of her
desk.] 

NABIKI: Some of you were over at one point, but have lost what made the
fans care about you.  And some of you were never over in the first place.
I run a tight ship here, and I'm not about to let a bunch of dead weight
hang around and collect paychecks.  

AKANE: So... you're going to fire us?  ALL of us?!  

NABIKI: [shakes her head] No, I'm going to give you all one more chance.
I'm confident that, if we sit down and think about it, we can come up
with ways to get each and every one of you over with the fans.  

[The assembled fighters paused for a moment, then nodded in agreement
with the idea.] 

NABIKI: We're going to make you all interesting!  We'll have the fans
either loving or hating you!  We're going to have T-shirts and mugs and
kids dressing up as you for Halloween!  

GROUP: [excited] YEAH!  

NABIKI: And nobody's leaving this room until we figure out how!  

[Silence] 

ANNOUNCER: Not going anywhere for a while?  Try a Snickers.  Because
nothing satisfies your hunger like a Snickers bar.  

SEPHIROTH: [thoughtfully] I suppose I could dress up as a pimp... 

[Everyone sweatdrops] 

- = - 

"And we're back," Tarou's voice announced.  "Whoopee."  

"That's right!  And it's time for... ROUND TWO!" Hiroshi answered.  All
the while, the UltraTron was again displaying the ladder onto the
screen, reflecting previous rounds' winners.  


     __James_____
                 |
                 |---__James_____
     __Wolverine_|               |
                                 |
     __Athena____                |---___???______
                 |               |               |
                 |---__Athena____|               |
     __Sagat_____|                               |
                                                 |
                                                 |
     __Sakura____                                |---___???______
                 |                               |
                 |---__Sakura____                |
     __Lilith____|               |               |
                                 |               |
     __Marlo_____                |---___???______|
                 |               |
                 |---__Mousse____|
     __Mousse____|


The tournament bracket faded out of view, replaced with the image of the
two announcers.  Hiroshi slumped dejectedly, looking away from the
camera.  

"Oooh, that's a nice shiner there, pal..."  Tarou grinned.  "Why don't you
tell everyone how you got it?" 

"I'd rather not," Hiroshi mumbled sullenly.  

"Awwww..."  Tarou cooed.  "Poor little boy get hurt?" 

"Oh, all right, all right!" He sniffled once.  "The caterer would like me
to state for the record that she does *not* make, nor does she serve,
stale doughnuts."  

Tarou tried to contain his snickering, but failed, falling over in a
whooping laughter.  "Oh, this *is* priceless," he tittered.  

"Mooooving along," Hiroshi said, artificial cheer in his voice.  "In our
first Round Two match Athena and James will fight it for a position in
the final!" 

"In other words, the goddess-wannabe is going to grind the floof into
space," Tarou pronounced with relish.  "Oh yeah."  

Athena surveyed her opponent and sighed.  "I don't want to fight," she
admitted.  "You're not my enemy, and I'd rather save my energy for the
next round."  

"You're assuming you'll win," James pointed out.  

"Well, yeah," Athena confessed.  "You got lucky against Wolverine,
but..."  she coughed.  "Um, anyway, I don't really want to fight you."  

James eyed her.  "As it so happens, I don't want to waste *my* energy
either," he sniffed.  "Besides, my nails look stunning right now.  I
wouldn't want to break them."  

Athena frowned.  "Well, we have to do *something*," she complained.  

Tarou yawned dramatically.  "Wake me up when they decide to actually
start the fight," he instructed Hiroshi, laying his head down on his
arms.  

"And in a... dramatic development, James and Athena are conferring in
the middle of the ring without any apparent wish to fight!' Hiroshi
burbled.  "What are they saying?  What will they do?" 

"Does anyone care?" Tarou asked sarcastically.  

"Work with me, Ta-" 

"I wouldn't," Tarou warned.  

Hiroshi swallowed hard.  "Right.  Ah, and now the ref is conferring with
them!  He's gesturing!  They're gesturing!  He's nodding!  They're smiling!
The excitement is thick, folks!  They're talking to their respective
back-up teams!  The back-up teams are nodding!  The ref is asking a
question!  Everyone's nodding!  Athena and James are retiring back up the
ramp!  This is really thrilling!  The ref is asking for a micro- URK!" 

Tarou tightened his grip on the clone's jaw without appearing to move an
inch.  "Shut up," he suggested.  

The nondescript-looking referee coughed nervously into the microphone.
"Er, is this thing on?" he asked.  

Tarou rolled his eyes.  

"Er, yes.  In any case... Athena Asamiya and James Morgan have both
expressed a wish to refrain from physical competition."  Predictably, the
crowd booed.  The referee held up his hands in an effort to calm the
crowd down enough to listen to him.  "However!" he continued.  "An
alternative form of competition has been decided on.  Athena and James
will compete in a karoke sing-off!" 

"Isn't that karAoke?" Hiroshi asked.  "Not that I care!  Something
different for us, folks!  Yay!" 

"Oh great," Tarou groaned.  "The floof is gonna sing.  Doesn't he realise
that costume-girl is a professional?" 

"Since I am not qualified to judge a competition in this nature," the
referee went on, "I will be replaced by special guest judge-" 

"YAHOOOOOIE!" Dan Hibiki proclaimed, descending from the upper deck
towards the ring in a pink blur.  Unfortunately, he misjudged the speed
of his entry and crashed through the mat.  

"Yay!" Hiroshi cheered.  "It's Dan!" 

Tarou banged his head expressively into the announcers' table.  

Back on his feet in mere SECONDS, Dan taunted the nearest camera.  "Dan
is here to judge these two worthy foes, because he is MIGHTY not only on
the battlefield, but in the wholesome arena of cultural performance!" he
proclaimed.  "Although these competitors cannot come near the divine
standards of Stone Cold Godhead Dan Hibiki, Dan is happy to encourage
their less manly but still meritorious efforts!  OOOSHA!" 

"Come and sit with us, Dan!" Hiroshi encouraged, grinning markishly.  His
grin threatened to extend past the edge of his face when Dan followed
his suggestion, sitting between the two announcers.  Tarou turned his
back and did his best to ignore the pink-gi-clad man.  

"Dan will now hear the melodic strivings of James!  Oyaji!" Dan gestured
towards the tech box.  "Now!" 

Backstage, an argument was developing.  "You look fabulous, James!'
Jessie hissed.  

"We're right behind you," Daisuke added.  He looked down and sighed.
"Although I wish I wasn't."  

"But Jessiiiiie," James whined, peering into a mirror.  "My hair looks
simply *awful*!  Can't we do anything with it at all?" 

"It's for the song!" Jessie insisted.  Her eyes grew starry.  "This was my
favourite show when I was a little girl..."  

"Mine too," James sighed nostalgically.  

"Pikaaaaaa..."  

"Dan says now!" a voice insisted.  "James will appear now, or he
forfeits!  Now!" 

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 SEMIFINAL MATCH #1
][ JAMES v ATHENA
][ FIGHT!!

James squared his shoulders.  "All right people!  It's show time!" He
stepped proudly towards the entrance.  

Hiroshi gaped.  "James... James is in drag!" he exclaimed.  

"Gee, what a shock," Tarou mumbled.  "But the pink powerhair is a bit
much, even for him."  He sat up.  "And what are the rest of those CHAOS
morons doing?"

James hesitatingly lifted the microphone to his lips.  "Oooooh o/~" he
sang, gratefully hearing the harmonies of Daisuke, Jessie and Shingo
coming in on cue.  

"o/~ Glamour and glitter, fashion and fame!  o/~" He shot one hand into
the air as pink fireworks went off around him and began strutting
towards the ring.

"o/~ JEM!
"o/~ Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous!"

Jessie, Shingo and Daisuke followed him up down the ramp, hands and hips
swinging in unison as they went.

"o/~ Wooo, JEM!  Jem!  
"o/~ CHAOS is contagious (outrageous!)
"o/~ Jem is my name, no one else is the same, Jem is my name!"

"James is doing great so far!" Hiroshi yelled above the mingled cheers
and laughter of the crowd.  "But wait!  Who's that standing in front of
the ring?  Is it Morrigan?  Ash?  Yashiro?" 

"... it's Sakura with a paper bag over her head," Tarou supplied.  "A
paper bag with a face drawn on it.  This is so pathetic I could kill
somebody."  Hiroshi shifted away from him.  

"This is so embarrassing," Sakura groaned as James moved towards her.
"And I don't think this drawing looks like Nabiki at all."  

"Sing!" James yelped, gesturing wildly at her.  

Sakura groaned again.  "But I'm Nabiki," she recited unenthusiastically.
"My booking's better.  I am Nabiki, Nabiki - and I'm gonna get... her."  

James flicked his wrist at her and Sakura fell over, mock dead.
Delighted by the crowd's enthusiastic response to this, James climbed
into the ring, effortlessly balancing on his shiny pink high heels and
took a deep breath.  The final verse had to wow them all!

"o/~ Jem!  
"o/~ Team Rocket's your favorite (outrageous!)
"o/~ Jem is my name, no one else is the same, Jem is my name!"

James thrust his microphone triumphantly towards the crowd and they
surged to their feet to supply the final note.  

"JEM!" thirty thousand people roared in unison.  

Tarou rubbed his head.  "Am I the only sensible person here?" he asked.  

"JEM!  JEM!  JEM!" Hiroshi screamed, standing on his chair and waving his
microphone at the proudly smiling Chaos crew.  

Athena watched as James was escorted from the ring by his friends and
smiled confidently.  As Tarou had pointed out, she *was* a professional.
James might be slightly more popular with the crowds than she was, but
that wasn't to say she wouldn't be supported out there, and sheer talent
should make up the difference anyway.  Besides, her chosen piece should
bring them onto her side quickly enough.  

She heard Dan call her name and stepped out into the entrance way.  The
opening chords of her song were accompanied by the startled rustling of
thirty thousand people rising to their feet.  Athena smiled and raised
the microphone to her lips.  

"o/~ Oh, say can you see
"o/~ Through the dawn's early light," she sang, her voice ringing out sweet
and pure.  This should be easy.

- = -

Behind a yellow door, God watched and heard and found that it was good.  

"Wai!  Go Athena-neechan!" Mary cheered, waving little Psycho Soldiers
flags.  Washuu smiled fondly at her daughter, envying the boneless grace
of the child as she sprawled stomach-down on the floor in front of the
TV.  

"I'm just going to check on MewTwo's recovery, Mary," she informed the
girl.  "Gally and Nuku Nuku are going to be here to look after you."  

Mary's face fell.  "I can look after myself, Washuu-mama!" she protested.
Her lip wobbled slightly.  

Washuu blinked.  "But I want you to look after Sie," she explained, her
voice and face completely guileless.  "If you look after yourself, how
can you do that?" 

Mary subjected that statement to all the logical inquiry an eight-year
old is capable of and then smiled widely.  "Okay, Washuu-mama," she
grinned happily.  "I'll look after Sie-niichan!  You can count on me!" 

Washuu smiled and hugged her tight.  "I know I can.  Bye!" 

"Bye!" Mary replied, her little face settling into an expression of cute
determination.  Leaving the TV with its continuing music, she padded to
where Sie lay, still fast asleep.  

"I put your soul back," she said softly.  "Why won't you wake up?
Sie-niichan?  Wake up!" When her call received no response she tried
shaking him gently, then frowned in puzzlement when that didn't work
either.  

Mary considered the problem, cocking her head to one side.  Then her
features lit up as she came across the perfect solution.  Giggling under
her breath, she advanced on the hapless teenager.

- = -

"o/~ O, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand, 
"o/~ Between their lov'd homes and the war's desolation; "

Athena was silently grateful that the American national anthem was so
long.  The complete three verses gave her time to really show off her
vocal talents, something James had neglected to consider.  From the
expressions of the crowd -- and of the judge, who was crying manly tears
-- she had this thing sewn up.

"o/~ Then conquer we must, when our cause is just, 
"o/~ And this be our motto: "In God is our trust," she sang with every 
ounce of passion she could muster, leading to the final two lines of the
song.  Suddenly she jerked, the breath hissing out of her in surprise.
For a moment, she'd felt a light touch across her belly, as if someone
had placed a hand there.

She recovered quickly, trying to shake off the impulse to laugh, and
forged onwards.  

"o/~ And the star-spangled banner in- in-" The hand was back!  Now the
fingers were digging into her skin, moving across her ribs, up to her
armpits, brushing firmly, setting off sensitive nerves... but no one was
touching her... were they?  

"What's up with Athena?" Hiroshi asked, puzzled.  "She built up to this
huge climax then just stopped singing!" 

The teenager gasped, then moved her hands frantically across her
clothes, trying to fend off the phantom hands.  Unable to hold it back,
the laughter spilled out of her, amplified by her microphone and filling
the stadium.  Eventually she subsided, grasping her sides and gasping for
breath.  "I'm... I'm sorry!" she sputtered.  "I don't know what came over
me!" 

Dan waved magnanimously.  "No matter!  Dan will give his MIGHTY judgement
now!" He rolled in through the ropes, miraculously managing to stay on
his feet, as James re-entered the ring to stand beside Athena.  She gave
him a friendly smile.  

"James turned on a stunning performance!" Dan declared.  "Perhaps the
actual singing was a little weak, but James' colour selection showed
superb taste!  Dan will look forward to singing with James in the Ultra
Karaoke Bar and Grill in the future!" 

James nodded happily, crossing his fingers tight.  

"Athena has a beautiful voice, and her emotive power brought tears to
Dan's eyes!" Dan bubbled.  "She would be the sure winner..."  

Athena grinned widely and stepped forward... 

"... if not for her sudden laughing fit, which showed disrespect not only
for the people of the USA and their national anthem but also for the
fine art of karaoke!" Dan continued.  "Therefore, I award the win to
James of Team Rocket!" He waved to the crowd again before slipping out
side exit.  

"Yaaaaaaay!" James squealed, hugging Athena tight.  "I win!  I win!" 

Athena smiled generously and hugged back.  "Congratulations, James," she
sighed.  "Good luck for the final round."  

- = -

Washuu watched as James accepted the adulation of the crowd, then turned
to face Sie.  "She tickled you awake?" she asked.  

Sie nodded.  "It was the weirdest thing," he confessed.  "One moment I was
fast asleep and dreaming about katsu sandwiches, the next I was wide
awake and laughing my head off."  He grinned and ruffled Mary's hair.
"You got good hands, you know that?" 

Mary beamed proudly.  

Washuu hmmmed thoughtfully.  "I imagine you want to greet Athena?" she
asked Sie.  The boy blushed and Washuu laughed.  "Well, don't spend too
long.  Apparently the side-effects of your linking haven't worn off yet.
I'll need to do some tests."  

Sie nodded.  "Could it be permanent?" he asked.  

Washuu sighed.  "To be honest, Sie, I can't really tell you."  She posed.
"BUT!  There's no problem so great that it can't be fixed by Washuu, the
greatest scientific genius in all the universe!" 

Mary giggled.  "You're silly, mama."  

- = - 

"And how do you like that!" Hiroshi screamed.  "James moves on to the
Reboot finals!" 

"Oh, great," Tarou muttered.  "The floof actually *won*.  This whole thing
is under protest."  

"Oh, no it isn't, Tar!" Hiroshi disagreed.  "This was a *great* match,
and we all got to hear two great singers giving it everything they had!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... so let's go on to the next fight, shall we?" Tarou
said, "We've got to find out who's going to win the belt, after all."  

"You mean who's going to go to the final, right?" 

"No," Tarou said slowly.  "You see, James stands about as much of a
chance in a real fight as you do.  Whomever wins this next fight is sure
to take the whole enchilada."  

"Okay, then!" Hiroshi picked up his papers and banged them on the table,
shuffling them back into a more orderly stack.  "Let's move on to our
next THRILLING match, a fight be--" 

"Hold on just a second!" a voice cried out.  Heads turned to the
UltraTron, where a very familiar face filled the screen.  Older than they
were used to seeing, but still familiar.  "I have an announcement for
Nabiki Tendou."  

"Washuu-chan!" Hiroshi exclaimed, almost jumping out of his chair.  

"Just Washuu now," the self-proclaimed greatest scientist in the
universe corrected.  "Or Washuu-san, if you're sucking up for a favor."  

"Yeah, whatever," Tarou grumbled.  He raised his voice.  "What do you
want?  Miss Tendou has a show to run."  

"I'll let you know, as soon as I'm sure Nabiki's listening.  Well,
Nabiki?  I'm waiting," she called in a singsong voice.  

"Why, you," Tarou growled as he motioned for the monitor to be cut off
when, lo and behold, Nabiki Tendou stepped into the announcer's booth.  

"What seems to be the problem, Washuu?" she asked.  

"This is the problem," the scientist replied, holding up what was left
of the security camera.  "I found it in my home.  And I don't appreciate
it."  

"I have to look out for the welfare of my fighters," Nabiki replied
smoothly.  

Washuu laughed.  "I knew you were going to say that.  And I agree
completely.  You really should look after my welfare, seeing as I have a
little girl to raise and all."  

"Of course.  So, if you'll excuse me-" 

"Which is why I'm retiring."  

Nabiki blinked.  Then she stared.  "You're *what*?" 

"Retiring.  Quitting.  You know, you want me to be well taken care of, so
what better way to not get hurt than to not fight?" Washuu grinned at
Nabiki's expression.  "Don't worry, you'll still have my services.  And
I'm still going to manage the CyberGrrlz.  After all, Ultra's a wonderful
testing area for my genius."  

Nodding slowly, Nabiki mulled this over.  "I... see."  

"And if I find one more camera or probe in my living quarters, I'll make
your life hell."  Washuu's eyes flashed dangerously.  "Well, you've got a
show to run.  Ta ta!" And the screen went blank.  

Nabiki scowled, her hands clenched into fists.  She was going to have to
see about making those cameras harder to detect, so she wouldn't have
trouble with the other fighters... "Continue the show," she ordered.  

"And what an exciting development, as Washuu announces that she's
leaving the Omega division!" Hiroshi gushed into the microphone as soon
as Nabiki was out of the booth.  

"Yay.  Actually, I was wondering if she was still in it, she didn't fight
for so long," Tarou muttered.  "Let's get on to the next fight."  

"And it's time for the second semi-final match of the night, folks!"
Hiroshi shouted into his mic.  "And it should be an exciting one!" 

"It should be a normal match, if nothing else," Tarou replied.  "First
approaching the ring is Sakura, who was barely able to win over Lilith
earlier this evening.  Frankly, I'm surprised that Sakura was even able
to win her first match."  

Hiroshi was about to respond to that when Sakura stepped onto the ramp
leading to the ring.  A huge cheer went up from the crowd as she walked
down the ramp, doing her best to look calm and in control.  Despite her
difficulties in her first match, she didn't look much the worse for
wear.  She jogged down the ramp, waved to the audience, then jumped into
the ring.  

"And facing Sakura, our last competitor in the REBOOT semi-finals,
having just laid the smack down on Marlo, Mousse!" Hiroshi cheered.  "I
know that what he did earlier to Marlo wasn't very nice, but I can't
blame him.  Especially after what Marlo did to Shampoo.  To tell the
truth, I don't know who I'd rather see win in this match.  They're both
doing great tonight."  

"You're only saying that because they've taken out Lilith and Marlo,"
Tarou countered.  Hiroshi, realizing that Tarou was right, was unable to
retort.  

Mousse stepped onto the ramp, still looking ready to kill.  The crowd
didn't know how to react to his appearance.  While some seemed inclined
to cheer, others also booed him for how viciously he had attacked Marlo.
True, it was Marlo that he'd attacked, but he'd also tried to crush his
skull.  While violence did draw in the audience, massively maiming the
competitors seemed to shock the viewers.  As a result, the sound coming
from the audience was nearly drowned out by the roaming concession
vendors.  

Mousse slowly climbed into the ring and stared at Sakura for a moment
before speaking.  "So, we fight a fair match, right?" 

Sakura, having seen the previous match Mousse had fought with Marlo, was
a little worried at first.  Would he be that vicious in this fight too?
He seemed to be under control now, though, so maybe she could trust him.
"Sure.  By the way, I'm sorry about what happened to Shampoo.  I wish I
could do something-" 

"Don't talk.  Just fight."  With that, Mousse pulled another staff from
his robes, obviously a replacement for the one he had broken earlier.
Sliding into a defensive stance, he waited for Sakura to launch the
first attack.

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 SEMIFINAL MATCH #2
][ MOUSSE v SAKURA
][ FIGHT!!

Sakura didn't want to hurt Mousse, particularly after what he'd just
been through, so she charged in and went about trying to disarm him.
After a few quick jabs and a low kick, she managed to get in close
following one of his swings and shove him back against the side of the
ring.  

Mouse fell back, momentarily shaken, but unharmed.  Taking the
initiative, he launched his own assault at Sakura, making quick jabs
with his staff that she wasn't able to retaliate against like she could
against his earlier attacks.  He aimed a strike low at her foot, then
swept up as she danced back, nearly managing to clip her in the chin.  

"And Mousse, after a bit of a false start, manages to take the offensive
in this match!" Hiroshi shouted, proving once again that he was, indeed,
the master of the obvious.  "Will Sakura be able to turn the tables on
him?" 

"You wish, clone boy," Tarou shot back at him.  "Not only does she have
poor training, but the blind one has much greater reach with his staff
than she does with her fists.  Not to mention whatever else he may have
hiding in his robes."  

Sakura realized this as quickly as the announcers did, and resumed her
attempt to remove that advantage from Mousse.  Starting with a few basic
blocks, she began to parry the staff strikes, easily deflecting them
away from her body and out into the air by her side.  After getting the
rhythm and timing down, she made a quick grab at the end of the staff.
Catching Mousse off guard with this move, she pulled back on it,
wrenching it from his hands.  

"Not bad, but you can't block this!" Mousse shouted at Sakura, as he
pulled another weapon from his robes.  The audience nearly fell silent
for a moment, then the sound of thirty thousand people laughing filled
the arena.  Even Sakura refused to say anything, not quite sure how to
tell Mousse what exactly it was that he was holding.  

Finally breaking the standoff, Sakura asked, "What exactly do you intend
to do with a feather duster?" Mousse blinked at her, looked down at what
he was holding, then blinked again.  

"Um, that's not right," Mousse said to himself as he discarded the
duster.  He reached back into his robes, and pulled out something that
made Sakura wish he'd kept the feather duster.  "Like I said before, you
can't block this!" With that, he lunged at Sakura with his mace.
Swinging wildly, he began to charge at Sakura.  

"This can't be good for Sakura," Hiroshi breathed into the mic.  "She's
good, but I don't think she can block that."  

"No one could block that thing," Tarou replied.  "I'd say Sakura's done
for now."  

Sakura, realizing she was in trouble, began to retreat.  This time,
though, she knew she wouldn't be able to catch Mousse off guard like she
had the first time.  Not that it mattered, as she wouldn't even be able
to stop such a large weapon from crushing her if she tried to block it.
She'd likely end up breaking an arm as well as whatever else that mace
wound up ramming into.  

Mousse was going all out with his swings.  He knew that Sakura wasn't
able to stop his weapon, and he relied on her being too afraid of it to
try and sneak in any attacks while he recovered.  He continued to press
forward, driving her slowly but surely towards the edge of the ring.  

Sakura, acting like she was in retreat, slowly fell back to the edge of
the ring.  She knew exactly where she was in the ring, and she wasn't
going to allow Mousse to pin her where he would be able to crush her
with that mace.  "I thought that you said this was going to be a fair
fight!" she yelled at Mousse, trying to distract him for a moment.  

"It is fair.  You're using your style, and I'm using mine," he replied.
Immediately after saying that, he lunged at Sakura, trying to catch her
in the side with a powerful swing.  

Sakura didn't even wait for him to begin his attack before leaping out
of the way.  Diving to one side, she rolled under his attack, jumping up
right next to him.  Spinning around, she caught Mousse with a kick to his
back, driving him into the ropes.  Mousse was quickly tangled, and lost
his grip on the mace.  It flew out of the ring, landing near the ramp.  

"There, that should take care of that," Sakura said, then resumed a
fighting stance as Mousse extricated himself from the ropes.  "Do you
have any other tricks up your sleeves?" She couldn't resist making barbs
now.  Mousse had said this would be fair, but the use of such a weapon
hardly seemed fair to her.  

"As a matter of fact, I do," he smiled.  His hands suddenly disappeared
up his sleeves.  Sakura barely had time to dive out of the way as
weighted chains immediately shot forth from his sleeves, crashing
through the space Sakura had occupied a moment before.  

"Looks like Mousse might actually be thinking now," Tarou said, not
looking at the ring.  "Of course, if he were smart, he would have just
started with those things and gotten this fight over with a lot sooner."

"Sooner, perhaps, but it wouldn't have been nearly as exciting!" Hiroshi
shouted, working up the crowd.  "Where else can you see incredible weapon
usage pitted against mad martial arts skills?" 

"Mad martial arts skills?" Tarou replied.  "I think you need to stop
wasting your time on the Internet."  

"So?  It still works," Hiroshi said, his excitement only slightly phased.

Sakura was in bad shape now, trying to dodge the deadly chains that
Mousse sent flying towards her repeatedly.  She needed to get a second in
which she could send a counter attack, just one second... She leaped
over the chains, and got the chance she needed as they tangled around
the turnbuckle she had just been standing in front of.  With a shout of
"Hadouken!" she launched a ki-charged fireball at Mousse.  

Mousse looked up at Sakura, but too late to get out of the way.  He took
the fireball right in the shoulder and spun around, falling to the
ground.  As he fell, his glasses flew from his face and landed near one
of the far corners.  

"And Sakura knocks off Mousse's glasses!" Hiroshi yelled.  "Will Sakura
take advantage of this?" 

"It is a good move," Tarou stated grudgingly.  

"Argh!  I can't see!" Mousse cried, dropping to his knees and searching
for his glasses.  

Sakura stood in ready position, waiting for him to get them and put them
on.  The audience stared, waiting for Mousse to finally make his way to
the correct corner.  The announcers waited for something to announce.  All
was quiet.  All was tense.  All was- 

"Oh, fine," Sakura sighed as she walked over to the corner and bent over
to pick up the glasses.  Mousse looked so pathetic, and besides, this was
supposed to be a fair fight... Suddenly, she felt chains all around her.
"Wha-" 

Mousse chuckled as he yanked, pulling Sakura off her feet.  "It's a
wonder what modern medicine can do for sight."  

"But- but- this isn't fair!" Sakura cried, struggling to get free.  

"Sure it is.  I didn't break any rules," Mousse replied, letting go of
the chains.  Sakura managed to get free of them just in time to get a
porcelain training potty in the face.  She found herself spinning to the
ground again, and could almost sense Mousse closing in.  

The Amazon reached into his sleeves and pulled out a mallet, much like
the one Akane used.  Not giving Sakura any time to recover, he brought it
down on her body.  A few hits later and she was a blissfully unconscious,
bleeding mess.  

The crowd was silent as Mousse stood over the fallen Sakura and the
referee made the ten count.  And then, little by little, people started
expressing their displeasure, until the entire stadium was filled with
hisses, boos, and jeers.  Mousse walked over to his glasses and smashed
them beneath his foot, which only made them angrier.  He looked up into
the crowd and shrugged.  Their opinions didn't matter to him.  He was a
warrior.  He was going to win.  

"It looks like, through an amazing lack of sportsmanship, Mousse is
advancing to the final round!" Hiroshi yelled, his voice somehow
managing to be heard above the crowd.  "What a turn of events!" 

"And we have a new Internet champ, folks," Tarou said.  

"Hey, James can turn this around," Hiroshi countered.  "In fact, I hope
he does!" 

"Not a chance.  There's no way a floozy like him can possibly defeat the
fighter Mousse has shown himself to be.  He's champ in everything but
name, now."  

Hiroshi suddenly gasped, pulling the crowd's attention away from Tarou's
predictions.  "It's Bean Bandit!" he proclaimed.  

Motioning for a mike, Bean stared down at Mousse, who met his eyes
evenly.  "At first, I thought that stunt you pulled with Marlo was just
righteous vengeance," the Lawbreaker declared.  "But after this-" he
gestured to Sakura's medic-attended body "-I can see you're just as bad
as he is."  

Mousse sneered at him.  "Are you calling me out, Bandit?" he demanded,
pulling out his mace again.  

Bean shook his head.  "Not just yet, son.  But know this.  I don't like
punks who mess with little girls.  You do it again, and you and I will
have words."  He paused.  "In fact, you and I may have words anyway."  He
spat expressively onto the ramp, and walked out of the arena.  

"Wow!' gasped Hiroshi.  "A challenge laid down by the Roadbuster himself!
Isn't it EXCITING, folks?" 

"Not really," Tarou drawled.  

"Oh, fine," Hiroshi sulked.  "Well... let's move on to our next fight,
shall we?" 

"Gotta pay the rent somehow," Tarou said laconically.  "This is our
special exhibition fight... take two, everyone.  Thanks to those bozos in
the White House, we had to put it off until now..."  The crowd booed
loudly, whether at Tarou or the inclement political situation, it was
unknown.  

"But!" Hiroshi interjected.  "We've smoothed out all the bumps, and we're
happy to bring it to you NOW!" 

The UltraTron flickered to life once again... 

- = - 

Washington, D.C.  is home to the President of the United States,
Congress, and countless other monuments in US History.  The White House
in particular is often visited by people as they hope to see the
President as he cruises by in a black limo with a Big Mac or five... 

...but the black limo today had a different person altogether.  And that
person garnered a crowd a damn sight bigger than the President.  And as
that man stepped out, he uttered those famous words:

o/~ WELL IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY (oosha!)
    TWO FOR THE SHOW (yahooie!)
    THREE TO GET READY NOW
    GO CAT GO!
    NOW DON'T YOU STEP ON MY PINK CLOTH GI!   (oyajiiii!) o/~

"Yes, the mighty Dan Hibiki has arrived, ladies and gentlemen!  OOSHA!"
Dan shouted into his microphone as the music faded into the background.
"And he is ready for any and ALL comers, inspired by the mighty power of
KARAOKE!  I am ready whenever you are, worthy opponent!  Come out and--" 

He was cut off as a low, loud, constant rumbling sound echoed in the
air.  Spectators who were busy cheering and waving their "I'm a Dan Fan!"
signs around stopped long enough to look around before returning to
their cheering and waving.  

And then, from the top of the White House, a guy -- not so much a person
as a walking tower of muscle -- leapt to the ground and in front of Dan.

"You rang?" He asked, as he flashed a winning if really doofy-looking
smile.  

- = - 

"That's right!" Hiroshi shouted, back at the stadium.  "It's an
exhibition match between two living legends!  From our very own
federation, the man you've seen at the UltraTokyo Bar and Grill nightly
since UltraRage Epsilon, DAN HIBIKI!" 

The sound meter rose fifty decibels as the screaming and shouting was
jacked up from eleven to thirty.  

"And his competitor, from America, hailing from The City--" 

"What city?" Tarou asked.  

"*The* City!  Duh!" his partner exclaimed while rolling his eyes.  "From
The City, it's...THE TICK!" 

- = - 

Meanwhile, in the White House, President Clinton was heard screaming "SPOON!" 

- = - 

"So, Mister Hee-Bee-Kee, at last we once more finally meet again for the
first time!" the Tick exclaimed, before pausing a moment and apparently
counting on his fingers.  "...or was it supposed to be 'we again meet
finally once more the...' Never mind."  He straightened up again.  "We
meet at last!" 

"Indeed we do, Mister Chick!" 

"It's *Tick*," the Tick corrected.  

"That's what Dan said!" Dan bellowed as he shook his fist mightily.  

"...Okay..."  If the Tick had visible eyes, one would see them rolling.  

A portal opened, and two referees made their way out of it.  Krillin
stood up and dusted his vest, and the other referee, dressed in a gray
spandex suit underneath a black cape and cowl with fluffy ears on the
side, powerposed.  

Krillin nodded to Dan.  "This is the other referee for the match,
Deflator Mouse."  

"That's Die *Fledermaus*, thank you very much!" the other man retorted
as he remained in his powerpose.  "And this--" looking at the Tick, he
jerked his head back towards Krillin for a moment-- "is Krillin, the
referee representing Ultra."  

"Are we all set?" Krillin asked, eyeing the fighters.  

"Yessireebob!" the Tick grinned, flashing a thumbs-up at Krillin.  

"YOSH!" Dan yoshed.  "Prepare to face the mighty power of DAN!" 

"All right, everybody!" Krillin shouted to the onlookers.  "Clear out!
We'll need this space for the fight!"

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 EXHIBITION MATCH #2
][ DAN HIBIKI v THE TICK
][ FIGHT!

Dan examined his adversary with an eye that only experienced martial
artists had.  This Tick had muscle, and so his strength was likely in raw
power.  But raw strength could NEVER defeat the mighty so easily, and
especially not now, with his new finishing techniques!  

The Tick examined his opponent.  What a sad, strange, little man, he
deduced.  

Dan finished his train of thought and started the fight with a shout of
"DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!" as he launched himself at the Tick and
connected solidly with his forehead, before bouncing off and landing on
the ground.  

The Tick stood there for a moment before clutching his forehead in pain.
"OUCH!" he winced.  "That hurt!  Do you know how much aspirin costs these
days, buster?  Ouchies..."  

Dan picked himself up in alarm.  "You...you stood up to one of Dan's
mightiest attacks!  How could..."  This Tick was stronger than he was lead
to believe!  Really!  Dan pressed his attack forward.  "GADOUKEN!  HISSHOU
ORA BURAIKEN!  GADOUKEN!" 

"Ow, ow, owie!  That stings!" the Tick complained.  "Couldn't you hold on
a moment?  My head still hurts..."  

"You STILL..."  Dan's head whirled at the reasons behind what was
happening, and came to one conclusion: 

"You MOCK Dan!" Dan exclaimed.  "Well, you aren't the only one who can
mock!  After this, your pitiful attempts at mocking Dan will crumble
before Dan Hibiki, taunting LEGEND!  PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AN ASSAULT YOU
CANNOT STAND UP TO!" 

Looking up from his headache, the Tick watched as his opponent rolled
around, waving his fist and shouting weird words.  This was enough to
make him shake his head and close his eyes again.  

"And the Pink Wonder demonstrates once again why he sucks so badly,"
Tarou muttered.  "This is what he gets for not training for a month."  

"No, look!" Hiroshi exclaimed.  "It's a stroke of genius!  By endlessly
taunting the Tick, Dan's goading him into giving up!" 

Tarou gave Hiroshi a "you're weird" look before resuming being bored to
death.  

"You are truly a worthy adversary, Mister Chick--" 

"Tsk, tsk," the Tick tsked.  "Now you're doing it on purpose.  That's
*TICK*!" 

"That's what Dan SAID!  You are truly a worthy adversary, but it is time
this battle comes to an end!  You will succumb to my NEW technique!" 

- = - 

"It looks like he HAS been training over the past month, Tarou!" Hiroshi
almost-grinned at his microphone partner.  "And he's got himself a new
technique!  What could it be?!" 

"Golly, I can hardly wait to find out," Tarou panned as he slumped down
in his chair.  

"Just remember that you saw it here at REBOOT 2.0 first, folks!" 

- = - 

Back at the brawl... 

"YOSH!" Dan exclaimed.  "Prepare to witness the latest discipline of the
Saikyo school!  PREPARE FOR..."  

He started whirling around and in the blink ofaneyehePUTONA-- 

Pink leisure suit.  

"DISCO TAUNTING!" 

The Tick and Die Fledermaus both wondered why Krillin was suddenly lying
face down on the floor with a huge drop of water on his head.  

- = - 

Tarou sat straight up in his chair as soon as he heard those two words,
while Hiroshi's face became intimate friends with the table.  "Now THIS I
gotta see," Tarou chortled.  

- = - 

"Beware Disco Dan's mighty Saikyo-ryu DISCO TAUNT-FU!" Dan roared as he
deftly and mightily struck a powerpose, his fist in the air.  "Children
are advised not to try this at home or at all!  THIS SHALL BE YOUR
UNDOING!" The ground around him was somehow lit in pink and purple
colors, and a stereo set that came from...somewhere started blaring out
"Disco Inferno."  Dan proceeded to move around like a Drunken Master's
impression of John Travolta, alternating the pointing thing with raising
his fist in the air and shouting "OOSHA!" 

The Tick's eyebrow twitched.  

- = - 

Hiroshi's head was still lying on the table as he tried to decide
whether he should sing along or start banging his head.  

Tarou was, for once, actually enjoying himself and laughing out loud (at
Dan, not with Dan) as he watched the Pink Wonder make a spectacle of
himself.  

- = - 

"ORAORAORAORA!  BURN, BABY, BURN, with DISCO DAN'S MIGHTY--ara?  Where did
the music go?" 

- = - 

Tarou frowned at the screen.  "Hey!  Power Flower was making a complete
fool of himself!  Who pulled the plug?" 

Hiroshi's head jerked up.  "Holy cripes on toast!  The Tick took out the
DJ booth!" 

- = - 

The Tick withdrew his hands from the large pile of debris that was the
DJ's mixing booth, making Dan jump back a little.  

"You destroyed the source of power for Taunt-fu!  You..."  Dan grew
angrier by the instant.  "HOW COULD YOU?!" 

The Tick shook his head.  "At first, I thought you were just a loony."
All you did was fight me a little and then you rolled around a lot.  But
this...THIS..."  The Tick started to tremble with righteous fury.
"...your USE and PROMOTION of HIDEOUS 70'S MUSIC to INFLICT HARM on
people...that's...that's...EVIL!" 

The Tick let out a humongous roar and charged at Dan, fists swinging
furiously.  Dan yelped and fled down the nearest alleyway.  

"Think you can get away from me, huh, evil-doer?" the Tick growled.  "NOT
THIS TIME YOU DON'T!  I swear I'll catch you before any quality rock
songs are tainted by your atrocities!" And with that, he took to the
air...and landed on a rooftop.  

Luckily for him, guys in pink gis tended to be easily spotted from a
distance, so he got his bearings almost instantly and bounded after him.

- = - 

"This fight is only getting more exciting, people!" Hiroshi leapt up
from his seat and leaned into his mike.  "I think Dan and the Tick are
about to go on an impromptu tour of Washington!" 

"After everything we've seen already, it's not gonna be anything new,"
Tarou muttered, turning his attention back to the screen.  

- = - 

Dan rushed past building after building in a haste to get away from the
demon who was chasing after him, then ducked into an alleyway and
scrambled up the fire escape to the top of the building.  Then he paused
to catch his breath... 

"Going somewhere?" the Tick inquired, smiling in a way that Dan did not
like.  Dan took off screaming along the rooftops with the Tick and
Krillin following close behind (Die Fledermaus was...well, nobody knew
where he went, oddly enough).  

It wasn't long until the Tick caught up with Dan again and grabbed him
by his gi.  Dan looked into the eye section of the Tick's costume, which
seemed to take on a maniacal glint despite being made out of cotton.  A
crazed grin crossed the Tick's mouth before opening up and shouting: 

"NOOGIE EVIL!" 

*noogienoogienoogie* 

- = - 

These are two announcers.  

"..."  "..."  

These are two announcers on facefault detail.  

*thud* *thud* 

Any questions?  Good.  

- = - 

Dan couldn't bear the pain, the unbearable pain!  "STOP!" he screamed.  "I
CAN'T TAAaaaaa..."  

*thump* 

Dan couldn't bear the pain, the unbearable pain, so he passed out.  

Krillin rolled his eyes and counted to ten.  

"And the winner of this match is...the Tick."

- = -

"Well?" 

"Well."  

"Shall we move along?" 

"Yes."  Pause.  "Now, we have an interview with one of our fallen semi-
finalists.  Um... enjoy."  

The UltraTron flashed to life, showing Yotsuya as he knocked politely on
one of the doors in Ultra's hospital ward.  There was a shuffling of
sheets inside, and then a female voice called, "Come in!" 

Entering, the interviewer was greeted with a bedridden Sakura.  There
were a number of bandages all over her body, but no casts, tubes, or any
of the nastier signs of hospitalization.  Clearing his throat, Yotsuya
turned to the camera.  "I'm here with Sakura Kusagano, Reboot
semi-finalist."  He turned back to Sakura.  "How are you feeling?" 

She smiled weakly.  "Pretty good.  Turns out I looked a lot worse than I
actually am, as there's no broken bones or anything, so I should be in
fighting shape in a week or two."  

"That's good to hear, good to hear," Yotsuya said, taking a seat next to
Sakura's bed.  "What do you think about Mousse's win over you?" 

Sakura shrugged.  "He used a cheap trick.  I'm not very happy about it,
but he won.  Not that he deserves it."  She frowned.  "It's okay, though.
I'll get him next time."  

"She wants revenge, folks," Yotsuya told the camera, then turned back to
Sakura.  "How about your fight with Lilith?" 

"It was... humiliating," Sakura admitted, cheeks bright red.  She
clutched her covers.  "I mean, the thought that I could possibly be
anything like-" 

"Well, you do leave little to the imagination, you know," Yotsuya put
in.  

"Yes, but I don't mean to!  I mean, it's not like I'd ever
*intentionally*- I mean... I don't like it!" a flustered Sakura
declared.  

"If you don't like it, why don't you wear something different?" Yastuya
inquired.  "Like shorts or pants?" 

Sakura gaped at the reporter.  He tapped his microphone on the hospital
bedstand.  "Well?" 

"But I've always worn skirts!" she floundered.  

Yotsuya blinked at her.  "So?" 

"So... so..."  Sakura was doing a wonderful impression of a goldfish.
Lucky for her, she was saved from further embarrassment by a knock on
the door.  "Come in!" she called, thankful for the interruption.  

Shingo peeked his head in, and blinked at Sakura's visitor.  "Did we come
at a bad time?" he asked.  

"Oh, no!" Sakura laughed.  "The more the merrier."  

"Oh.  Okay."  Shingo fully opened the door, and Karin entered, nodding to
Yotsuya.  Shingo shut the door behind him, then rushed to his friend's
side.  "Are you hurt?" he asked with concern, taking her hand.  "Is there
anything we can get you?  Water?  Blankets?  Grape Jell-O?" 

Sakura laughed.  "Nah, that's okay, Shingo."  She smiled.  "Good news: I
should be back in the ring in a week or two."  

"That's great!" Shingo crowed as he hugged Sakura.  "Always nice to know
my friends are going to be okay."  

Behind him, Karin bristled, smiling thinly at Sakura.  "It's nice to know
you're going to be well," she said, waiting for Shingo to let go of her.
He really did seem to be taking his time.  

Finally, though, he released his grip on her.  Seizing her chance, Karin
grabbed him by the arm.  "Nice seeing you, Sakura, but we really have to
get going," she said as she dragged him to the door.  

Shingo blinked.  "What?  Already?" 

Karin nodded, thinking fast.  "I need to discuss lawyer fees with Jack.
Now come on."  

"Eh?  Uh... sure.  Bye Sakura!  Get well soon!" He waved, and she waved
back.  

Yotsuya poked his head out the door, watching Karin dragging a
mildly-protesting Shingo along, then shrugged and whirled around.
"Anyway, Sakura, as I was saying-" There was a small beep, and he
blinked at his watch.  "Huh.  Took up the whole segment.  Ah well.  Back to
you, Hiroshi and Tarou!" 

"Okay... thank you... Yotsuya," Hiroshi said, blinking.  Exhaling loudly,
he shrugged and turned to the camera.  "Well, folks.... guess what time
it is!" 

Once again, the familiar bracket flashed upon the UltraTron.

     __James_____
                 |
                 |---__James_____
     __Wolverine_|               |
                                 |
     __Athena____                |---__James_____
                 |               |               |
                 |---__Athena____|               |
     __Sagat_____|                               |
                                                 |
                                                 |
     __Sakura____                                |---___???______
                 |                               |
                 |---__Sakura____                |
     __Lilith____|               |               |
                                 |               |
     __Marlo_____                |---__Mousse____|
                 |               |
                 |---__Mousse____|
     __Mousse____|


"This is it, folks!" Hiroshi bellowed, grabbing the mic and leaning
forward over the announcer table.  "The last battle!  The big brawl!  THE
FINAL SHOWDOWN!" The crowd, expectedly, cheered loud enough to blow
Hiroshi's hair back in response.  

"Whup de friggin' doo," Tarou grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest
and trying to be heard over the cheering.  "Mousse and the floof get in
the ring, Mousse snaps his neck, end of fight."  

Frowning, Hiroshi turned to his fellow announcer and shook a
disapproving finger.  "Come on, Tarou!  If Ultra means anything, it means
that even an admittedly girly weakling like James can come from behind
to win this!" 

Tarou just shook his head, rubbing his temples.  "Don't come crying to me
when they're wiping his internal organs off the ring."  

Mousse stood before the Lincoln memorial, arms folded, waiting for his
opponent.  He didn't know why it was demanded that the fight take place
at this site, nor did he care.  He was there to win.  For Shampoo.  He
smirked as the crowd booed him viciously, the Monument in the distance
silhouetting him.  What did they know about what it took to win?  Nothing.
They didn't know anything.  

"Woohoo, check it!  Specs is nuts!" came a voice at the announcer's
table.  Hiroshi and Tarou looked to their left to find Controversial Jack
sitting with a beatific grin, leaning back in a chair and holding a
microphone.  "Don't mind me, y'all.  I'm just here to do a quick
announcement job."  He pointed at the nearby Lincoln Memorial and
bellowed "ROLL IT!" at the top of his lungs.  

The steps of the Memorial suddenly erupted in a cloud of pyrotechnics of
red, green, and blue, sparkling fireworks.  Jack began to narrate as the
smoke cleared.  "Once upon a time, there were three men in Ultra.  They
were some of the best... but Nabiki screwed them over.  So I caught them
up and now they work for me!" 

On the steps stood a trio of men in stunningly tight disco clothing.  To
the left was what appeared to be Shingo Yabuki, hands held in a
chop-socky Kung Fu pose.  To the right was Daisuke, a pistol held over
his wrist demurely.  Shingo smiled with good-natured embarrassment;
Daisuke looked as if he wanted to turn the pistol on himself as much as
anyone else.  

However, the most striking sight was in the middle.  It stood tall and
carried what was, for all appearances, a high-power rifle, and wore a
glittering polyester suit of a blinding white.  Smiling brightly and
wearing the largest, most blonde Farrah Fawcet wig in the history of
transvestitism, James Morgan waved madly to a wildly cheering crowd.  

"They are...CHAOS' ANGELS!" Jack proclaimed, a swell of signature music
blaring over the loudspeakers as the three men straightened, looking out
over the crowd.  

What's the sound of one city facefaulting?  

Taking the mic from Jack, who had wandered over to give it to him and
then to lead away a giddy Shingo and traumatized Daisuke, James waved
the rifle at the audience.  "I just wanted to say that I've finally
managed to tap in to my inner drag vibe!" He pointed the rifle at the
staring Mousse.  "You're just acting like a JERK, and I'm gonna take you
to school!" 

"SWEET MOTHER OF RUPAUL!" Hiroshi squealed.  "It looks like James has
turned his cross-dressing into a 100% fighting art!"

][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT v2.0 FINAL MATCH
][ JAMES v MOUSSE
][ FIGHT!!

"I'm not watching this," Tarou said, turning his back.  "Tell me when
it's over."  

Mousse simply blinked.  Shrugging, James pulled the trigger.  The world
held its breath after the *CRACK* of rifle fire, as Mousse attempted to
jump out of the way, but dodging bullets was highly unlikely.  

"I can't watch!" Hiroshi said, hiding his eyes.  

With a loud *SPLUT*, a giant green spot of paint erupted on Mousse's
side.  The impact combined with the surprise to bowl him over, knocking
him onto the ground.  

Jumping up and down, James cheered.  "Didja see that?  I did it!  I DID
IT!" 

And then Mousse rolled to his feet and scowled, his newly visible
blue-green eyes narrowed and filled with anger.  

"Oh, poo," James amended.  

Mousse snapped one arm forward, flinging a twelve-pound bowling ball
towards James.  James leaped to one side and pulled a chakra out of
nowhere.  He flung the edged ring at Mousse, who countered by tossing a
pair of chained butcher knives.  

"And Mousse and James are in a war of bizarre weapons!  Who will emerge
victorious?  You can only catch this kind of excitement on ULTRA, folks!"
Hiroshi declared, bouncing up and down in his chair.  

"Mousse, obviously," Tarou yawned.  "As soon as he does that chain
attack, he's got James on the run."  

And, as if he was reading Tarou's mind, Mousse did just that, throwing a
mass of chains at James.  The now blonde-haired sometimes drag queen
eeped and did his best to stay away, but they hit him in the leg, and
then the shoulder.  He didn't want to do this, but... 

"Pikachu!  I choose you!" 

"Pika!" The electric rodent jumped off the top of the Lincoln Memorial,
sparkling with tremendous electric power.  Mousse looked up at it,
startled, then dropped his chains and reached into his sleeves.  

"Piiiiiiikaaaaaaaa," Pikachu began, building up even more energy for
when it came into contact with the fighter.  It came in contact with a
baseball bat instead.  "Chuuuuuuuuuuu!" it cried as it sailed into the
distance, a little ping sounding as soon as it was out of sight.  

Tarou snickered.  "Looks like Team Pikachu is blasting off again."  He
blinked at Hiroshi's stare.  "What?" 

Mousse smirked, then turned to James, who eeped again.  "You're next," he
told him, reaching into his sleeves.  

"I will win, for the sake of glorious glamour, glitter, and fame!" the
floof shouted, bringing the paint-gun into aiming position.  He blinked.
Mousse wasn't there.  

"Surprised?" Mousse asked as he hit James in the back of the head with
the bat, sending the smaller fighter sprawling.  Fortunately, his wig
cushioned the blow, or he would have been knocked unconscious.  Mousse
kicked the rifle out of his reach, then pulled James up.  "Well?" 

Looking around frantically, James whipped out a pokeball.  "Wheezing, I
cho- urk."  

Mousse gripped James by the throat and pried his fingers open, taking
the pokeball from him.  "I don't think so," he said, before punching him
in the stomach and letting go of his neck.  Doubling over and gasping for
air, James wasn't prepared for when Mousse pulled out a metal frying pan
and smacked him with it.  

"And James is down again!" Hiroshi shouted into his mic.  "Can he get up?
WILL he get up?" 

"Probably not," Tarou muttered.  

Tarou was right.  This time, James stayed down.  

"And Mousse takes away the second Reboot title!" Hiroshi proclaimed
redundantly, still in shock.  

"Told ya," Tarou grunted.  "I'm betting that Mousse is going to be a
force to be reckoned with, now that he's given up on-" 

"Honor?" Hiroshi asked.  "Fair play?  Being a nice guy?  Ladies and
gentlemen, this is a TRAGEDY!  The Internet Champion of REBOOT 2.0 is-" 

"Effective," Tarou snapped.  "A damn good fighter.  And don't ever
interrupt me again, clone-boy, or I'll-" 

"Do *what*?" Hiroshi asked, coming to his feet.  "I've been putting up
with your crap this entire broadcast, hoping you might actually try to
do your job properly, but you can't even do that!" Carried away with
indignant fury, he poked Tarou in the chest.  "You're not an announcer!
You're just a... a... a big bully!" 

Tarou stared at him for a moment before the fury rose within him and he
stood, big hands reaching for Hiroshi's neck.  The smaller boy trembled,
but didn't move.  

"ASSHOLE!  ASSHOLE!  ASSHOLE!" the audience roared, showering the
announcer's table with paper cups.  

Tarou ignored them.  "I warned you, freak," he hissed, and tightened his
grip.  The receiver in his ear crackled sharply.  

"Tarou!  What do you think you're doing?" 

"This little wiener insulted me, Miss Tendou," Tarou protested.  

"Are you insane?  I'm having enough trouble in court as it is!  Let him go."  

Tarou glared down at the choking boy, then shoved him roughly away.  

"That's better," Nabiki said crisply.  "Now, listen up.  I want you to
make an announcement..."  

Hiroshi picked himself up, rubbing his throat and coughing painfully.
Eyeing Tarou warily, he returned to his seat.  "Sorry about the...
unanticipated action, folks," he announced.  "But as I was saying before,
it looks like Mousse is the champion.  We're just waiting for Nab- Miss
Tendou to come down and present him with his belt."  He frowned.  "Which
I'm sure will be any moment now..."  he said weakly.  "Yep.  Any second,
she'll appear."  

"Shows what you know," Tarou grunted, reaching for his microphone.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special surprise for you tonight!
To present the REBOOT 2.0 belt to our champion, the new half-owner of
Ultra-" 

"WHAT?" Hiroshi blurted, sitting bolt upright.  

Almost every light in the building blinked off, leaving only a single
spotlight shining on the entrance to the ramp.  A figure wrapped in a
black cloak stood there, shadows shifting around it.  With a sudden
gesture the figure flung its arms wide, discarding the cloak and
revealing itself to the stunned audience.  It smiled, waved, and placed
one delicate hand beside its mouth.  

"B-KO DAITOKUJI!" Tarou bellowed.  

"Ohohohohoho!" B-ko laughed, striding easily down the ramp.  A tiny
band-aid was all the evidence that could be seen of her earlier bout.
"Thank you, Tarou!  And may I be the first to congratulate our Internet
champion?" She shook Mousse's hand, smiling insincerely, then presented
him with the belt.  He blinked at her uncertainly.  

Ringside, Hiroshi was almost foaming at the mouth.  "Ladies and
gentlemen, what does this new development MEAN?" he ranted.  "How did it
HAPPEN?  Why did Nabiki decide to sell half her share in Ultra?
Blackmail?  Hush money?  WHO KNOWS???" 

"Dear, dear Hiroshi!" B-ko smiled, airily waving Hiroshi's wild
conjectures away.  "There were no dirty dealings, I can assure you.
Better than that, I can show you!" She gestured towards the UltraTron as
it flickered into life.  

A blurry flesh-coloured mass appeared.  As it focused, it revealed itself
to be Nabiki Tendou's face as she backed away from the camera.  The
setting appeared to be Nabiki's office, the camera taking in her desk
and a few meters of the surrounding environs.  "Very well, it's
recording," she told her visitor.  "What did you want to say, Miss
Daitokuji?" she asked, seating herself behind her desk.  "You mentioned a
business proposition."  

"Indeed," B-ko smiled, smoothing down the front of her lavender business
suit while she took a sip of coffee with the other.  "I understand that
Ultra has been having financial difficulties lately."  

Nabiki's eyes narrowed.  "On the contrary," she replied smoothly.  "Our
ratings only continue to improve, and our merchandise features as the
top-selling brand in every nation."  

"Ah yes, the ratings," B-ko replied.  "On the other hand, you have had
some quite unusual expenses lately, have you not?" 

"Such as?" Nabiki inquired.  

B-ko shrugged delicately.  "Well, legal expenses, for one.  Your case
against Jack must have been *very* expensive, and you weren't awarded
any court costs.  You *could*, of course, pursue the case through the
civil courts, but we both know what a long and expensive progress that
could be.  Ultimately, a course of action with very little profit."  

"Some might suggest that a moral victory was more important," Nabiki
murmured.  

B-ko laughed.  "Some might.  Forgive me, Miss Tendou, but I sincerely
doubt you are one of those.  That's just the beginning, of course."  

Nabiki nodded.  "Please continue."  

"There is the question of a certain Morrigan Aensland.  I've been
informed that she might be appearing in the courts for certain charges
that are guaranteed to... attract attention, shall we say?  Particularly
since the other party is so widely adored by the media and public
alike."  B-ko sniffed.  "I don't see it myself, but it seems to be the
case."  

Nabiki tapped her fingernails idly on the desk.  "I would be interested
in learning how you came by this information," she remarked.  

"No doubt you would, Miss Tendou," B-ko agreed.  "However, to complete my
point, I will mention that you yourself may soon be forced to answer
charges in court... Another expensive process.  Even more so should the
charges be proved... not entirely baseless."  

Nabiki glanced at the camera and then back at B-ko.  "If your only
purpose in coming here was to goad me in front of the camera-" she
began, her hand reaching under the desk, presumably towards the security
button placed there.  

B-ko held up her hand.  "That was not my intention, I assure you.  Please
accept my forgiveness if I've said anything untoward.  I am leading to a
conclusion - I merely wish to lay out my arguments first."  

Nabiki hesitated, then placed her hands on her desk.  "Go on," she said
evenly.  

"I have *also* received information that you personally have come under
pressure from a third party... someone very widely known and not at all
well received by the general public - or law-enforcement agencies."  B-ko
paused slightly, allowing Nabiki to take in the impact of her words.  

"I... will neither confirm nor deny that," Nabiki replied, glancing at
the camera again.  

B-ko smiled.  "You have no need to, Miss Tendou.  My sources are *very*
accurate.  My point is that with me as your partner, you would have
nothing to fear from such parties."  

"That may be," Nabiki replied automatically, still musing over B-ko's
'sources', "But-" Her brain caught up with her mouth.  "What did you say?
My partner?" 

"Of course. Surely it's the perfect and obvious solution?" B-ko asked,
spreading her hands expressively.  "With me, you have the financial
backing of the Daitokuji Corporation as well as the physical backing of
one -- well, two, if I may count my darling Sephie-sama, and I'm sure I
may -- Omega-level fighters.  That's no small advantage, you must agree.
And furthermore, a partnership ensures that the Federation cannot be
wrested from you in the case of any... unfavorable court findings."

Nabiki straightened in her seat.  "I would not be willing to surrender an
equal partnership in the business," she said firmly.  "Nor creative
control of Ultra."  

"Naturally not," B-ko replied.  "My dear Miss Tendou, I wouldn't dream of
an equal partnership.  A junior partnership of forty-nine percent is
quite adequate for me.  Furthermore, I don't anticipate much
participation in the creative side on my behalf.  There are a few fights
I'd naturally like to arrange, a fighter I think is being shamefully
underpromoted... but these are not excessive requests."  

Nabiki's mind was quite obviously working at light-speed as she worked
to process the information, weigh up the benefits and costs and come to
a conclusion.  "Well, Miss Daitokuji, normally I'd give this some more
consideration, but I must say your... solution appeals to me.  Contingent
to your information sources combining with mine?"  B-ko nodded.  "I
don't see why we can't make the deal.  The paperwork will have to come
later of course, but the basic agreement can be concluded now."  She
stood and extended her hand across the desk.  "Partners, B-ko?" 

The lavender-tressed girl smiled and took the proffered hand, shaking it
firmly.  "Partners, Nabiki," she replied.  

The video feed faded to black as the stadium lights sparked back into
life.  "So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen," B-ko said with
satisfaction.  "Miss Tendou and I will be holding a press conference in a
few minutes to answer any questions that might arise.  Let me just say
now that I think this will be a very efficient and prosperous
partnership, and I can promise great things in the future to you,
Ultra's fans!" 

The cheering was weak and patchy in places, but B-ko deemed it
sufficient.  "Thank you!" she smiled.  "Well, from all of us here at the
White House, good ni-" 

"Not just yet, Miss Daitokuji" a very familiar voice cut in, overriding
B-ko's microphone.  

Hiroshi gasped.  "Oh no!  Can it be?" 

The UltraTron flickered back into life, to reveal the craggy features of
M. Bison.  "Very clever, Miss Tendou," he acknowledged.  "Very, very
clever.  It appears I shall have to withdraw my offer after all. However!"  
His expression took on a darker cast.  "Do not expect this action to 
go... unrewarded." He nodded down at B-ko, who folded her arms in a 
gesture of contempt. 

"If you're quite finished," she snapped indignantly.  

Bison roared with laughter.  "For now, Miss Daitokuji.  For now."  And the
image flickered and disappeared.  

"Wow!" Hiroshi exclaimed, still trying to get his breath back after the
Bison-induced shock.  "It looks like Bison has declared war on Nabiki and
B-ko!  It seems that the guy just wants to make *everyone* hate him!  And
what will Jack have to say about this new development, now that he's
back in action?  I'd make guesses, folks, but we're running over time!
Tune in next week to learn more!  This is Hiroshi and Tarou, saying good
fight, good night!" 

"Whatever," Tarou grunted.  


FIN (UltraREBOOT v2.0)

- = -

AUTHOR'S NOTES
[or, In Which Ravi is Beaten With Several Large Musical Instruments]

{Ravi}

Well, it's done.  It's finally and actually done.

The writing of this chapter did not go as smoothly as it could have, 
due largely to the circumstances of the three primary authors... namely
schoolwork and lack of reliable computer access.  But we OVERCAME these
MIGHTY obstacles!  Yosh!

I don't think it turned out too badly.  It turned out pretty good,
actually.  It isn't the longest or most dynamic chapter, but it's fun,
and we had fun working on it.

Anyone who knows me well knows about my trepidation regarding Ultra.
I was hesitant to sign up and never really spoke up when it was being
discussed among friends.  However, I was always interested in the story
and kept up with it.  Anyway, not too long ago, I offered to write a scene
for a little chapter called Ultra REBOOT, and I had a blast.  So, it's
only fitting that when I finally was convinced to sign up, we were given
Reboot 2.  

It wasn't easy going, but we did get it done.  Mister DeMille, I'm ready
for my luting!  ^_^
 
I'd like to thank everyone who helped on this chapter.

First off, I want to thank my lovely and extraordinarily giftted
co-authors.  Without them, this chapter would *never* have happened.  
It was Ardweden and Phoebe who initially broached the idea of doing a 
group signup, and I reluctantly agreed. I'm glad I did, but I'm even 
more glad that they were writing with me. This chapter was carried on 
the backs of their talents, and they worked incredibly hard to try to 
keep me at task... in addition to working on their own scenes, which 
were fantastic.

Secondly, I'd like to thank the Blue Blaze Irregulars, the people who
stepped up to the plate to help us finish off this chapter by starting,
wrapping up, or writing in their entirety certain fights.  Yu-Mei and
Lawrence chipped in by taking our very vague outline and ideas and
transforming them into two great exhibition matches.  NightGuard,
Mechalink, and Todd hopped in at the last minute to help us write
some scenes by either providing a starting point or wrapping up 
scenes which were proving to be a bit much for us to handle in the
crunch.

Delfina and Jesse were indispensible as prereaders.  They caught a bunch
of small things that in my scatter-brained stress-induced haze, I hadn't
even caught.

Kristen, Angelcat, and Calculus were all great listeners and gave me
wonderful feedback when I needed someone to bounce ideas off.

Demota and Jesse are worthy of some amount of praise for tossing 
together a couple of great commercials.  ^_^

Thanks to Twoflower for giving us the extra time to get this chapter
wrapped up, and for not demanding we pull the Tick fight from the
chapter.  

And last of all, I'd like to thank the readers, especially the sixty-six
of you who showed that you cared enough to vote for a Reboot champion.
I hope you enjoyed the story.


{Phoebe}

Yay!  It's done! 

*faints*

Two years ago, I thought wrestling was for idiots and fighting
games were incomprehensible.  Then I discovered the joys of trashtalk,
Hardcore and TAUNTING!  Then I got to spot-write some Ultra bits.  Then I
got to co-author a chapter! 

YOSH!

Thanks to Arwen and Ravi for being great co-authors and for all the fun
we had with the planning and writing of this.  And for letting me display
the power of 80s cartoon nostalgia!  Thanks also to our Saviours (tm)
Lawrence, Yu-Mei, Todd, Mechalink and NightGuard.  Yay!

{Ardweden}

It's over. It's finally OVER.  The chapter I helped create, the chapter I
shed blood, sweat, and tears over... 

Okay, maybe not that first one. ^_^; 

Anyway!  Thanks to the prereaders, and Twoflower, and thanks once AGAIN
to our Saviors (gee, you think they'd get tired of all this thanks by
now)... and I'd like to especially thank the ones that helped me out
when I discovered I was in over my head in the fights I had to do.  And
extra especial thanks to my co-authors.  Wai!  I love you all so very very
much!  <waves fans> 

This was fun, in a weird sort of way.  I also think writers are
masochists.  Maybe I'll sign up again.  With someone that I can just give
all the fights to, so I can work solely on backstagey type scenes.  ^_~ 

Oh, and a note for any and all future authors, if you don't know this
already:  Ultra and school do not mix. @_@ 


{Yu-Mei}

Whoo!  Another one. 

Hope y'all nice folk enjoyed readin', and such.   ^_^

{Lawrence Chu}

You know that exhibition fight?  The one between Dan and the Tick? 

It ain't my fault.  Honest.  He *points at random person* told me to do it.

{Mechalink}

Well, I get called in for a last minute assist, and can only hope I
helped enough.  Thanks to Ard for MANGLING my piece into place, and
GameFAQs for the game info.  This is Mechalink, signing off.

{Todd Harper}

<Ravi> Oh, Todd... can you type up some author's notes? ^_^
<Todd> Um.. do I really even deserve any? ^_^
<Todd> Just write thanks to Illy and myself into yours.
<OrochIlly> Uh, me? ^_^;
<Todd> Half of it was your idea. ^_^

{NightGuard}

I helped Ard with the Sakura/Mousse fight.  It was tough, but a fun way
to spend an evening.  I have to say I have a bit more respect for the
people who sign up to write this series.  It's not easy to write one
fight, let alone an entire episode.  It's not a task I'd want to tackle.

Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this, and good luck to the future
authors.