Sailor Dragon Barf

By Ardweden

WARNING!  This is a story that is not to be taken seriously.  Not even 
semi-seriously.  It's about... well, you'll know later.  Anyway, I 
babbled on and on and on one day, and that's how this story was made.  
So don't expect it to be descriptive, deep, moving, or even have a 
decent plot. You have been warned.

For full effect, read this story out loud and as fast as you can.

	Once upon a time, the Sailor Scouts were walking in the park in 
Angel Grove.  (Yes, the one the bad guys in Power Rangers always show 
up in.  No, I don't like Power Rangers.)  They were walking along, 
talking about nothing and everything in particular, when they saw The 
Magic Few coming in the other direction.  (I still have to figure out 
how they got there.)
	So the two groups talked, The Magic Few making some interesting 
remarks about Angel Grove and Earth in general, when Serena asked, "Can 
you show us something from Ineckey?"
	The TMF agreed.  After all, Ineckey was much more fun than Earth 
anyway.  They used their keys and summoned something not of this world: 
Michelina.  Michelina's a giant purple dragon who's supposed to protect 
the TMF in times of need... or be summoned so they could show her off 
to their friends.
	Now, Michelina had a serious problem: she's bulimic.  This means 
that she'll go on eating splurges, then throw it all up so 
(theoretically) she wouldn't get fat.  And they summoned her when she 
was about to eat.  She was starving, so she began to eat everything in 
sight.  Trees, park benches, and anything else.  Naturally, the TMF 
screamed, the Sailor Scouts yelled, and Serena wailed and cried her 
little eyes out.  When they finished doing that, they ran away.
	They were making excellent progress when Amy tripped on a tree 
root.  The others were too absorbed in escaping the living purple 
vacuum cleaner to even notice.  Amy tried to get up, but she was 
thoroughly stuck in a giant wad of bubble gum that the Bubble Gum 
Monster (see last episode of Power Rangers) left when it tried to 
defeat the Mega-Zord-thingie.  Along came Michelina, and poor Amy was 
swallowed up.
	The Sailor Scouts and the TMF were very sad, of course, and they 
held a very expensive funeral for their recently deceased friend.  The 
TMF cried, the Sailor Scouts sobbed, and Serena wailed and cried her 
little eyes out.  No one was more upset than Michelina, she ate her 
after all, who made a promise to herself never to go on splurges again.
	This was all fine and dandy until Michelina felt the urge to go 
to the little dragon's room.  She left the funeral as quietly as 
possible and snuck into the nearest port-a-potty.  (The real bathroom 
was destroyed by the Bubble Gum Monster.)  There, she emptied the 
contents of her stomach, including (much to her surprise) Amy!
	She returned at the end of her own funeral, and there was much 
rejoicing.  Amy was back, and she forgave Michelina after much wailing 
and gnashing of teeth.  Things were just peachy again, and would have 
continued to be if not for the latest monster attack.
	This attack was not directed at the Sailor Scouts or TMF, but at 
the Power Rangers instead.  This didn't stop the two groups from trying 
to defend Angel Grove, however, and the TMF attacked it immediately 
while the Sailor Scouts took the time to call out their 
transformations.
	Amy was going to yell "Mercury Crystal Power!" like she always 
did, until a strange urge came over her, and she yelled, "Dragon 
Power!" instead.  She reappeared with a purple and pink uniform.  She 
was no longer Sailor Mercury; she was... Sailor Dragon Barf!
	So they did battle with the monster, and were having a very easy 
time of it, too, until a bomb/lightning bolt/whatever it is that makes 
those monsters grow hit it.  It instantly became a gazillion times its 
original size, like in the cartoons when they use Miracle Grow.  The 
TMF and Sailor Scouts had a harder time now simply because it was so 
huge.
	Soon, due to their collective lack of experience in fighting 
monsters a zillion times their size, all the Sailor Scouts and TMF were 
hurt... except for Sailor Dragon Barf.  She was very upset, and said an 
ultra-corny speech (which I don't feel like relating).  Afterwards she 
started out a Mercury Bubbles Blast, but instead said, "Dragon Poison 
Spray!"
	All of her bubbles turned an icky green color, and they burst.  
This easily killed off the monster... unfortunately, Sailor Dragon Barf 
underestimated her own strength.  Everyone on Earth died except for 
herself (it was her own attack) and Michelina (she burps poisonous 
deadly gas after she drinks alcohol).  This depressed the two greatly, 
and after much wailing and gnashing of teeth they decided that life 
wasn't worth living.
	Michelina flew Amy to the top of Tokyo Tower, and they jumped 
off.  Michelina wanted to die, but her dragon instincts kicked in and 
she flew to safety after the last minute.  Amy fell and fell and fell 
until...
	She woke up.

The moral of the story: stay out of a hungry dragon's way.  Unless, of 
course, you're dreaming.